waiting4u Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I've met a lovely man around my age and we had a great first date and are going out again tonight. He's attentive, we both have some things in common - teenage children, what seems like a similar worldview - I had a great time. I find him very attractive, and he seems very grounded, which I like. Thing is - although espousing some relatively liberal politics (pro gay marriage, for example), he votes conservative (I don't). I asked him if he was religious and he said "yes" and proceeded to tell me how he helps his Lutheran church manage their finances, as he has some experience in finance. I am Christian, but I'm rather anti-dogma and I don't believe in organized religion. I respect his beliefs, they are not a problem, but what might be a problem is the "celibacy before marriage" thing. We did some serious kissing following our first date and I noticed he didn't exactly hold back (um, how do I say - huge erection while kissing? yep). I am not looking to get married, at least until my teens are off to college in 2-3 years, and I'm wondering - is sex off the table? Can I assume because he's self-described "religious" that we won't be having a sexual relationship? That's a bit of a deal breaker for me. Thoughts?
Gary S Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Some religious people wait until marriage, some don't, it depends on the person. I'm Lutheran myself. I don't think I could wait either 1
smackie9 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 why are you asking us??? you need to discuss this with him. IMO so far you two are not even compatible.....different values, religious values and political values.....wouldn't you find this to be an issue down the road? If it were me there wouldn't be a second date.
Gary S Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 They might be compatible. I've dated non-believers before, and have non-believer friends. I'm more interested in a person's attitude. 1
pteromom Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 On the date tonight, ask him "So what are your thoughts on sex before marriage?" and see what he says. No way for us to know his beliefs. 2
Author waiting4u Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 I think it's fine to date people from different political backgrounds, as long as they are compassionate people. And how do you bring something like that up - "so, are we going to have sex anytime soon?" Not really date #2 conversation, in my opinion. 1
pteromom Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I think it's fine to date people from different political backgrounds, as long as they are compassionate people. And how do you bring something like that up - "so, are we going to have sex anytime soon?" Not really date #2 conversation, in my opinion. Depends on how it is brought up. "So... you are religious. What does that mean to you?" blahblahblah "Oh, so you believe gay people should be able to marry? How do you reconcile that with your beliefs?" blahblahblah "Hmmm, I see. What are your feelings about sex before marriage?" blahblahblah Now you know. You don't have to frame it as you asking about you and him - just about his general beliefs. 1
Gary S Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 On the date tonight, ask him "So what are your thoughts on sex before marriage?" and see what he says. - I've had something similar happen to me once on a second date. I almost fell out of my chair laughing! Then I simmered down and had a candid discussion with her. 1
lana-banana Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 There are exceptions to every rule, but Lutherans are one of the most liberal denominations. I would just play it by ear and see where it goes. 1
preraph Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Please. If sex was off the table, there wouldn't be so many religious people multiplying. Take it from someone who grew up in an ultraconservative fundmentalist community, if there's one thing fanatical Christian men don't do, it's abstain from sex. They don't pay much attention to the not coveting your neighbor's wife stuff either. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Most "religious" men I've met don't have a problem with premarital sex. I'd bet it's extremely likely he finds a way to justify "fornication" (sex outside marriage), like most religious people. 2
BluEyeL Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I don't think that the self proclaimed religious people actually wait for marriage before having sex. I have a friend who is dating a religious man and they did have sex. It proceeded a bit slower, he waited 3 months, but eventually they had sex. Before having intercourse though, they did "everything but". Which was strange to me because how in the world is that "not sex". Not sure the Bible says it's OK to have oral sex. But whatever. The only way to find out is to ask.
Author waiting4u Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Please. If sex was off the table, there wouldn't be so many religious people multiplying. Take it from someone who grew up in an ultraconservative fundmentalist community, if there's one thing fanatical Christian men don't do, it's abstain from sex. They don't pay much attention to the not coveting your neighbor's wife stuff either. Laughed my *ss off at this one. He's not one of those proselytizing religious people, you know, the ones who talk about their faith all the time and then are caught in hotel rooms with prostitutes. Or at least I hope not. I guess I'll find out. At the very least, I can expect to wait a lot longer than the 4 date rule here, yes? I think it's fine to wait until you're serious, as long as it eventually happens.
preraph Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 The worst-case scenario is he is judgy if YOU have sex but he can have sex all he wants. Let's hope he's way more evolved than that. You'll just have to see what he's like over time and find out about his morals and ethics and whether he really has rules or if he is just more general, like "do unto others," which certainly doesn't prohibit sex! 1
Gary S Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Laughed my *ss off at this one. He's not one of those proselytizing religious people, you know, the ones who talk about their faith all the time and then are caught in hotel rooms with prostitutes. Or at least I hope not. I guess I'll find out. At the very least, I can expect to wait a lot longer than the 4 date rule here, yes? I think it's fine to wait until you're serious, as long as it eventually happens. - 4 date rule? I thought it was 3. I'm sunk.
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