Apparition Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 This is my first thread here. I've been lurking quite a bit on this website and reading peoples stories. I know that most people move on from their ex and find someone new. However, I'm intrigued to know if there is anyone out there who has truly never moved on from an ex that stole their heart. Has there ever been someone who you just still to this day love unconditionally, even though you might be with someone else? I was at a bar yesterday and I was invited to sit at a table with these group of (mostly) women and two guys. They were all discussing how unhappy they were in their relationships and marriage. One of them elaborated on how she still thinks of a past lover, despite the fact she is married. When she spoke of him, I could sense she still loved him. For me, I think I would rather be alone than marry someone or be with someone else when my heart truly belongs to someone else. I'm not afraid of loneliness, in fact, I enjoy it. Does anyone else? 1
geronimo Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I really hope this is not true cuz I'm fuvked if it is. It's only been 5 months so far but I have always believed her to be the one. And now she's the one that got away. I try to be positive thinking that it was my first love/relationship so the probability of her being the one is very slim but I just can't shake that feeling. Especially cuz we were together for 5 years and pretty much grew together and became adults together. Idk anyways I really hope I can find someone better or hopefully if it's meant to be she'll come back. 3
Tone Loc Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I'm still in love with a girl from eight years ago, I never really stopped loving her. She was my first love, I think about her often. And I'm in love with another girl who I met nine months ago and even though she's gone now, I know I'll always love her. That will never change, the feeling doesn't go away. No amount of sex has allowed me to simply forget about them or stop loving them. I've had quite a few other women but I only used them for sex, I never shared any bond with them. But with these two girls, there's a very intense feeling of deep attachment and longing. I'm always going to hold onto the love I have for these two girls because they're special, in my mind. I've moved on with my life, I held onto the love and carried it with me, not as a burden but as a reminder of some of the best memories I've ever had. It's okay to hold onto love as long as you make room for other things. I'll never let my life stop on account of losing the two girls that I truly love, but they'll forever be in my thoughts and in my heart. 3
Author Apparition Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Thanks, Tone Loc, that was nice to read.
Guevara33 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) I've only been in love twice, counting with the one i'm currently in love. I'm 24. I swear I loved the other one more than anything. I thought she was "the one". When we BU, I was miserable, I thought I would never fall in love again. Now I don't feel anything, it's rare when I find myself thinking about her. I think If someone better, with much more qualities and connections appear in your life, you can totally forget about the past and really love again as it was the first time. Edited April 29, 2015 by Guevara33 2
leavesonautumn Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I thought I was destined to be forever alone, always in love with my ex. It was on/off so I always half expected him to come back. We were together for 5 years and have been broken up for a year and 5 months. One day I was on a rant about how relationships are a waste of time and I don't need a boyfriend to be happy, etc etc and the very next day, I met someone who completely (and continues to) blew me away. I had even told my best friend to slap me if I still talked about my ex a year after the break up. He was always somehow "there". Like I was always connected to him. Now? I find that I don't think about him and if I do it's just, wow I was in an abusive relationship and it took me this long to figure that out. I'm almost ashamed that I waited for him and gave up so much for someone who didn't deserve me. Looking at it now, it was a learning experience and made me the person I am today. I was afraid of growing bitter and always being in love with him but I truly believe that we hold ourselves back, it's not up to our ex to help us move on. I'm the same way though OP, I could never consider a rebound relationship or be with someone if I'm in love with someone else. It's not myself I'd be worried about, I'd feel bad for the person I was using. 4
Author Apparition Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 leavesonautumn, I enjoyed reading your paragraph about your ex and the person you are with now. Especially the last part, "I'm the same way though OP, I could never consider a rebound relationship or be with someone if I'm in love with someone else. It's not myself I'd be worried about, I'd feel bad for the person I was using." - that is exactly how I feel. It wouldn't be fair to another person who is fully committed, when your heart is elsewhere. Thank you. : ) 1
ephemeralme Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I thought I was destined to be forever alone, always in love with my ex. It was on/off so I always half expected him to come back. We were together for 5 years and have been broken up for a year and 5 months. One day I was on a rant about how relationships are a waste of time and I don't need a boyfriend to be happy, etc etc and the very next day, I met someone who completely (and continues to) blew me away. I had even told my best friend to slap me if I still talked about my ex a year after the break up. He was always somehow "there". Like I was always connected to him. Now? I find that I don't think about him and if I do it's just, wow I was in an abusive relationship and it took me this long to figure that out. I'm almost ashamed that I waited for him and gave up so much for someone who didn't deserve me. Looking at it now, it was a learning experience and made me the person I am today. I was afraid of growing bitter and always being in love with him but I truly believe that we hold ourselves back, it's not up to our ex to help us move on. I'm the same way though OP, I could never consider a rebound relationship or be with someone if I'm in love with someone else. It's not myself I'd be worried about, I'd feel bad for the person I was using. that was so beautiful and heartwarming to read.... it glimmers of hope even for an ol sod of 53 like me.... having now gone through a marriage, divorce, a bad toxic R and the one I just lost.... we were engaged, but it was a challenging R at somewhat of LDR and other things that rocked my life this past year. send some of your good energy my way.... I don't want to be alone for ever........ 1
sportygirl89 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 For me its been 2 years and even though he walked out on me when I was sick. I still love him. He has been through three girls after me and can't seem to keep one. I know now we won't ever get back together. So I just have higher standards from getting my heart broken again. Exercise is the best medication for a break up. Maybe after the fall I'll when I almost through with my masters I can date. But until then not doing anything to ruin my future. Next reltionship I probably won't be as close to them. But we all have to start somewhere right?
joseb Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 This is my first thread here. I've been lurking quite a bit on this website and reading peoples stories. I know that most people move on from their ex and find someone new. However, I'm intrigued to know if there is anyone out there who has truly never moved on from an ex that stole their heart. Has there ever been someone who you just still to this day love unconditionally, even though you might be with someone else? I was at a bar yesterday and I was invited to sit at a table with these group of (mostly) women and two guys. They were all discussing how unhappy they were in their relationships and marriage. One of them elaborated on how she still thinks of a past lover, despite the fact she is married. When she spoke of him, I could sense she still loved him. For me, I think I would rather be alone than marry someone or be with someone else when my heart truly belongs to someone else. I'm not afraid of loneliness, in fact, I enjoy it. Does anyone else? I've had 3 serious relationships where I was in love. The first one we were engaged. I'd like to think I have moved on from them, but honestly, I can't say for sure. My conscious mind has, and I don't pine for them. I enjoy living alone - but I wouldn't say I'm lonely. Right now I'm happily single. But I'm sure there is a part of me that's forever changed as a result of these.
Cupid's Puppet Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Yeah I feel like that. It's been about a year now since my ex kicked me to the curb. I struggle to imagine anyone who could replace him. I really don't want another man touching me in that way. I really miss my ex's touch. I'm kinda thinking about taking the lonely road too. Some people on here talk about how they've gone from thinking about their ex all days to maybe once a month. After a year, I still think about him every second of the day and can't see it wearing off anytime soon.
AppleKakes Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I think it's an "escape"...Probably a bit of "Grass is Greeener Syndrome" too Also, it could be a problem in your current RL... See, RLs get boring, mundane etc. or, you could just be with someone who isn't fulfilling your needs. We revert back to a place where we were once "happy" and/or "satisfied". Think of it as a mental vacation...a break from the "norm". So, we revert back to an ex - even if it wasn't the best situation. For me, problem is many people idealize an ex. They are so "hooked" on an over inflated memory of good times and if they had a chance with that person today, it probably would never work out. If you are holding onto an ex years and years after the fact and still can't find satisfaction in life and/or other RLs, then maybe its time to talk to a therapist to see what's really going on. Otherwise, IMO, looking back on good times with a long gone ex is just a way to escape a current situation.
Satu Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I moved on and am now a very happy person. Happier than I ever was before. 2
Satu Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 *I have always believed her to be the one. There is no such thing as 'the one.' Every relationship holds the chance of happiness. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I made the mistake one time and one time only, and that's all it took...worst investment of my time and emotions ever. You can't keep your heart from feeling what it does, and often times there are loves lost and relationships passed that make you wonder or think twice. But for me I know those things were meant to pass, and also I have grown as a man and I think in all honesty that you outgrow a lot of these "loves" more than you realize based on what you needed at the time. Everything changes in time, once you look a relationship in the past, the circumstances were much different, you were much different at the time and you probably wouldn't make the same decisions you made now...it doesn't mean that experience didn't bond you to the person however, it's just like a time capsule stuck in another time. Sure you can open it back up and reminisce over the past, but it's never going to be the same. I thought I was destined to be forever alone, always in love with my ex. It was on/off so I always half expected him to come back. We were together for 5 years and have been broken up for a year and 5 months. One day I was on a rant about how relationships are a waste of time and I don't need a boyfriend to be happy, etc etc and the very next day, I met someone who completely (and continues to) blew me away. I've seen women very dramatic about it like this in droves...and then six months to a year later they're head over heels for another guy, it's quite odd how it works actually, but it happens like clock-work. Some people claim to never really find a person "like that" in the past again...but I think it's really just a matter of time, and whether they're willing to open up and share themselves again...I think some people were just so broken because they invested so much in the past with someone else, it's hard for them to get back to that place again. I think one of the biggest fears in life for people is to be hurt and to trust again. I don't believe unfortunately, that it has a lot to do with "love" in the end, I think it has more to do with you as a person...I think it's the idea of love and what people need that gets them so caught up in those fantasies of perfection and what could have been...but I am confident that with each passing relationship you are getting better and wiser with who you are and what you really need.... And this is coming from a guy who's loved pretty hard, but I've thought very deeply about it. I know how hard and strong my feelings are, but I question whether my mind is as wise as my heart, and my gut and better sense tells me that it is not...and I think everyone knows that deep down. But I've learned to trust my gut over the years, it's almost 100 percent right. Whether it's someone new I'm dating, or something else...it's like the dog whisperer, it's an intuition that if you become in tune with you can really rely on.
Satu Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 *You can't keep your heart from feeling what it does. I disagree. There are two kinds of love: 1. Unconscious and: 2. Conscious. Conscious love is by far the most profound, and it is an act of will and a choice. Unconscious love is just what it says, unconscious. If you can't decide who you love, you're not truly conscious or self-aware. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I disagree. There are two kinds of love: 1. Unconscious and: 2. Conscious. Conscious love is by far the most profound, and it is an act of will and a choice. Unconscious love is just what it says, unconscious. If you can't decide who you love, you're not truly conscious or self-aware. Spare me the BS..that's not how love works in the slightest, where do even you make this up? reading the signs in a bowl of cereal? As if love only fits into those two distinguishable categories in life, think about what you're doing and saying here...who are you kidding? after millions of people, lives, romances and everything else that has existed on this earth...you're the genius that has figured it out and simplified the process into two superficial and highly naive categories? Idealist and trust issues much? I swear, people are so damn disappointing when they pull some crap out of their butt that doesn't even make any sense, how do you even convince yourself? do you even have an understanding of what you are saying at all? I'm just curious. and with what great dead sea scrolls of experience and knowledge to you derive such great wisdom from? And yet with one sentence or simple explanation, it like resonates with people...that's how you know when someone is just full of it. Simple people = simple answers to life.
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