Jonp219 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) I feel so ****ing frustrated... I'm at school right now and all you see on campus is guys and girls laying on the grass on this wonderful spring day, and it makes me absolutely angry. Why? Because I'm just walking back and forth listening to the same ****ing songs pretending I got somewhere to go. I don't have the balls to walk up to any girls and spark a conversation whatsoever, it's just too hard. And most of the girls are either with a guy, their girlfriends, or have headphones in their ears (I don't approach people with headphones/headsets, it makes me more nervous because it's rude). I have this urge to just cry, I feel absolutely useless today, I haven't felt like this in a while. I could also be feeling like this because my cousins who lived with me moved to Arizona today, and its just me, my mom, and brother again, just it was in the beginning. People have just been leaving me left and right this year. Being thrown out into the world to fend for myself after 4 year relationship has been both rewarding and miserable. I just don't know what side I'm leaning towards more. But yeah meeting new people absolutely ****ing stinks, I hate it. Edited April 29, 2015 by Jonp219
smackie9 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 We all experience low points in our lives....let the negative feelings evaporate and you will start to feel better again. Do something to spoil yourself. I myself go out and buy some fancy beers, put my feet up and listen to some music or watch stuff on youtube. 1
pteromom Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Yeah - just go hang out somewhere that there is entertainment, so you don't feel that you MUST talk to others. A place with a live band. Or a tournament of some kind. Or karaoke. A place where you can just sip a drink, and hang out. Maybe nothing will happen. But maybe someone will start talking to YOU, and you'll make some new friends. You never know. But you'll never meet anyone in your room, or walking around listening to your headphones. I hope you feel less lonely soon.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Thank you so much for the advice. I just feel like I need a sudden boost in confidence and I don't know where i'm going to find it, I don't feel like waiting around for it. But i'm just too much of a pussy to make anything happen.
casey.lives Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Being around other guys helps you cultivate testosterone and bravado. I feel really sad that many guys underrate the value of male companionship. Why don't you start there: Make some buddies
Redhead14 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Thank you so much for the advice. I just feel like I need a sudden boost in confidence and I don't know where i'm going to find it, I don't feel like waiting around for it. But i'm just too much of a pussy to make anything happen. Stop referring to yourself as a pussy is one way to start You're a strong, intelligent, handsome, young man with lots to offer. Find an activity on campus that you might enjoy. What are some things that you are "passionate" about (and don't say girls . Think about all the things you are good at. Confidence and happiness come from within.
El Pallasso Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Go to a gym and start working out. It will give you a testosterone boost and it naturally boosts your confidence as a result of feeling good about yourself and your body.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Yeah - just go hang out somewhere that there is entertainment, so you don't feel that you MUST talk to others. A place with a live band. Or a tournament of some kind. Or karaoke. A place where you can just sip a drink, and hang out. Maybe nothing will happen. But maybe someone will start talking to YOU, and you'll make some new friends. You never know. But you'll never meet anyone in your room, or walking around listening to your headphones. I hope you feel less lonely soon. I highly doubt it. No one ever approaches me I'm always the one who has to approach others which is also very frustrating. I feel like if it wasn't for me I wouldn't of made any friends period. I know it sounds like self-pity, but how come I'm the one who has to go searching for friends or relationships but when someone is looking for the same thing I'm not an option? My social life hurts my moral and my closest friends are in relationships, so I can't go pick up girls with them.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Go to a gym and start working out. It will give you a testosterone boost and it naturally boosts your confidence as a result of feeling good about yourself and your body. I do go to the gym. It does make me feel good but that testosterone boost doesn't give me the courage to talk to girls.
preraph Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Sorry you're feeling alone. I guess things have changed on campus. When I was there, you could go to just about any dorm on a weekend and find a big party with the hall lined with people and just join in. If nothing is happening like that, I recommend you go outside and throw a football or kick a soccer ball and just see if some people join you and make some acquaintances that way. I'm sure you're not the only guy on campus feeling alone! Another way to meet people on campus is to get an on- or off-campus tiny job. Mine was working at OU stadium selling concessions. Only did it a handful of times. It wasn't time-consuming. The more active you are, the more people you'll meet. Good luck! You're in the right place to meet people. Concentrate on just making friends and then that will start a network through which you will come in contact with girls too.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Sorry you're feeling alone. I guess things have changed on campus. When I was there, you could go to just about any dorm on a weekend and find a big party with the hall lined with people and just join in. If nothing is happening like that, I recommend you go outside and throw a football or kick a soccer ball and just see if some people join you and make some acquaintances that way. I'm sure you're not the only guy on campus feeling alone! Another way to meet people on campus is to get an on- or off-campus tiny job. Mine was working at OU stadium selling concessions. Only did it a handful of times. It wasn't time-consuming. The more active you are, the more people you'll meet. Good luck! You're in the right place to meet people. Concentrate on just making friends and then that will start a network through which you will come in contact with girls too. Well I go to a city college so dorm parties aren't as common, those are usually more for universities or schools with a huge commute rate. Idk I'll figure something out. Maybe I just need to grow some balls and get rejected once in a while. I just feel like I'm never going to meet someone nice again because of the way I am.
neowulf Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Want to know what the number one, most effective way to deal with phobia's is? Exposure Therapy. You're understandably nervous about approaching women and meeting people. I too find this to be stressful at times. A trick that works really well is starting small. Very small. The smallest action you can take, while still tolerating the discomfort. So, some places to start. Join social groups. Meet ups, clubs.. what ever your into. The goal is to put yourself in a situation where you're forced to interact with new people. Practice just making small talk. Once you're comfortable talking with people, then you move onto the tougher stuff. You're setting the bar so high for yourself up front that it seems impossible. Start small. There are no "quick wins" when it comes to improving yourself. No one walks into the gym and walks out a rock start. It takes guts, commitment and discomfort to really make lasting change.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Starting small is great advice. A great first step is chatting with women who work in places you go to. A good indicator of progress is when you can get a woman that's paid to be nice to genuinely enjoy talking with you. Laughing, flirting back, etc.. That will raise your confidence level. Plus, approaching women is basically the same thing. You rely on surroundings to make small talk. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Starting small is good advice, I agree. I think meetups is a good place to start. I was also thinking about talking to less attractive women and making my way towards the ones I do find attractive. I still have my moments (especially in the morning) when I think about my ex. The feelings have become an annoyance and I just want to move on to something else. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Starting small is good advice, I agree. I think meetups is a good place to start. I was also thinking about talking to less attractive women and making my way towards the ones I do find attractive. I still have my moments (especially in the morning) when I think about my ex. The feelings have become an annoyance and I just want to move on to something else. Yes, talk to women who are less intimidating to you is a good start. You may find that you become more attracted to one of them anyway than you'd thought. It's not all about looks
Author Jonp219 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Yes, talk to women who are less intimidating to you is a good start. You may find that you become more attracted to one of them anyway than you'd thought. It's not all about looks Oh I know that, but there has to be some level of attraction there lol. My ex wasn't that good looking when we met, but she became prettier over the years because I made her feel pretty. I normally like going after average looking girls anyway. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Oh I know that, but there has to be some level of attraction there lol. My ex wasn't that good looking when we met, but she became prettier over the years because I made her feel pretty. I normally like going after average looking girls anyway. My ex wasn't that good looking when we met, but she became prettier over the years -- see? You've actually brought something positive that you learned from your previous relationship that can help you now. It wasn't all bad Learning and bringing knowledge forward from the past is a good thing.
MikeyBe Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 But yeah meeting new people absolutely ****ing stinks, I hate it. I'm sure everyone is just dying to meet you with that sparkling personality! People should want to meet you, or be glad they did! If not, then why would they bother?
Author Jonp219 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 (edited) I'm sure everyone is just dying to meet you with that sparkling personality! People should want to meet you, or be glad they did! If not, then why would they bother? It's just really frustrating, you know? I feel like if i'm not the one initiating contact then no one would talk to me. I guess I have to look at it from their perspective, would I want to meet me? I don't know. I naturally have a this sarcastic tone to the way I talk, but that's just how I talk I can't help it lol. My dad and brother do it too, just runs in the family. Edited April 30, 2015 by Jonp219
No Limit Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 School relationships are less nice than they seem. A friend of mine is spending a year abroad in the US now and when we talked about how the students there are he said that 'cheating is everywhere' and how his FWB was actually shocked when he didn't pull the "wam bam thank you ma'am" act in bed.
Author Jonp219 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 School relationships are less nice than they seem. A friend of mine is spending a year abroad in the US now and when we talked about how the students there are he said that 'cheating is everywhere' and how his FWB was actually shocked when he didn't pull the "wam bam thank you ma'am" act in bed. The school I go to has one of the lowest partying rates in the state. City colleges in New York are not known for partying and stuff of that nature. Either way, i'm not really looking for a relationship unless I find someone extraordinary. I'm graduating in the summer so I don't have alot of time left here anyway.
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