Chi townD Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I appreciate your bluntness. I'm not trying to hurt anyone and they both know where I am right now. But they also have CHOSEN to stick around and wait for my decision. I'm not forcing them to do anything either. So thats on them. I'm in agreement that I should just let them both go. If you refer back to my first response to the second post, I was asking for advice on how to let them both go gently. Things to say and such. I'm not the type of girl to say "Its over" and walk away. I know I should be, but I've never been that way. Judge as you, wish but everyone has their issues. I'm just trying to find some clarity on how to ease ending things with both. They're sticking around because they're clinging onto false hope. And why I'm saying false hope is because either one or both is going to get hurt by your decision because they got it in their head that you're going to choose him. And that's not fair to leave them hanging like that.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I appreciate your bluntness. I'm not trying to hurt anyone and they both know where I am right now. But they also have CHOSEN to stick around and wait for my decision. I'm not forcing them to do anything either. So thats on them. I'm in agreement that I should just let them both go. If you refer back to my first response to the second post, I was asking for advice on how to let them both go gently. Things to say and such. I'm not the type of girl to say "Its over" and walk away. I know I should be, but I've never been that way. Judge as you, wish but everyone has their issues. I'm just trying to find some clarity on how to ease ending things with both. There is no easy. Life is not easy. Stop acting like a child, be an adult and do what needs to be done. Stop hiding behind your own cowardice. Life isn't supposed to be easy. By being "nice" you are conducting yourself in the least nice, most destructive way possible. It's time to grow up. 1
veggirl Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 How old is your daughter? Do you really think it's a good idea to be traipsing men in and out of her life like this? Maybe date men for a LONG TIME and make a firm decision you are HAPPY with before introducing her to them?
todreaminblue Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I completely agree that I should be by myself. Thats what is making this so hard. I have a history of being unable to do this because I don't want to hurt anyone or make the wrong choice. Then I end up dragging things out that should've ended a long time ago. I guess I'm looking for insight on how to grow lady balls and just end it with both so I can be on my own. Be honest.....its really the only way......place the blame in your court where it belongs....choose neither be on your own and know who and where you want to be in life before engaging in a relationship with another...I also have problems hurting people but dragging this sort of thing out...hurts people more....minimize the hurt you could cause by being honest...they will respect your honesty........deb
Author clarasacco Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 How old is your daughter? Do you really think it's a good idea to be traipsing men in and out of her life like this? Maybe date men for a LONG TIME and make a firm decision you are HAPPY with before introducing her to them? Shes 6. I agree with this completely. I feel awful for doing this and I don't want her thinking its okay to do this. I have only had these two in her life since her father and I split a long time ago. I can't do this anymore. If I start dating someone, I should see them for a long time before introducing her because her emotions are in this as well... Like I said, I am a bit of a coward and I'm being selfish. I'm going to wait until tomorrow to end things with guy B because he has anger issues and it will most likely be better for him to go out for drinks with his friends to blow off the steam than sit at home "plotting" as he likes to do. Guy A pretty much knows its over as I declined to live with him in his new house and moved out of the apartment we shared... But I will officially tell him tomorrow as well. He'll be fine though. He's a great guy, not bad looking, and is financially grounded. Someone will snatch him right up... Guy B is going to want "closure" and he's going to be angry and blowing my phone up etc... I guess I just keep my phone off after giving my peace so he can't verbally harass me? He's told me to go kill myself before in a heated text and that was... lovely. I'd rather not deal with that. I know deep down he is way wrong for most people. My family just thinks he has an unhealthy hold on me for some reason.
frigginlost Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Shes 6. I agree with this completely. I feel awful for doing this and I don't want her thinking its okay to do this. I have only had these two in her life since her father and I split a long time ago. I can't do this anymore. If I start dating someone, I should see them for a long time before introducing her because her emotions are in this as well... Like I said, I am a bit of a coward and I'm being selfish. I'm going to wait until tomorrow to end things with guy B because he has anger issues and it will most likely be better for him to go out for drinks with his friends to blow off the steam than sit at home "plotting" as he likes to do. Guy A pretty much knows its over as I declined to live with him in his new house and moved out of the apartment we shared... But I will officially tell him tomorrow as well. He'll be fine though. He's a great guy, not bad looking, and is financially grounded. Someone will snatch him right up... Guy B is going to want "closure" and he's going to be angry and blowing my phone up etc... I guess I just keep my phone off after giving my peace so he can't verbally harass me? He's told me to go kill myself before in a heated text and that was... lovely. I'd rather not deal with that. I know deep down he is way wrong for most people. My family just thinks he has an unhealthy hold on me for some reason. Whatever you do, do not go start dating someone! For the life of me, I cannot fathom how some say you should go look for a guy C right now. It is stupid to do so as you are in no position to be dating. It would be nothing more than a band-aid. It sounds as if you are starting to get your head somewhat straight, but are fighting internally. You need to be on your own to finish that battle. Your decision to not bring your little girl around anyone in the future after a significant time is fantastic. It shows that your thought process is lining up. Both guys will be fine. The hold your parents speak of regarding guy B is nothing more than confusion and love. It is *ALWAYS* easier for someone in a solid relationship to "black and white" a situation, and they seem to be doing so... Keep your chin up. 1
Toodaloo Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 People told me in my last post to pick neither. My problem is that in the past, I've gotten myself into bad situations because I've become emotioanlly invested and so has the other person and I end up being too afraid to hurt them and to make the wrong choice that I just prolong the inevitable. What would you do if you were me and how would you go about fixing this? People in your last post were right. Both sound like bad matches. Get rid of both. Go solo for a while and learn how to look after yourself. Learn how to make better choices. Once you start doing that you will be just fine. 2
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