Gaeta Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I have seen this man twice (Jewelry guy). He's a bad texter. He drops off of text conversations with no notice and gets back to me like 2 days later but won't even answer the last question. Conversation before he invited me to do an out door activity this week when ever I am available. He dropped that conversation after I asked when he's free. Yesterday at around 10 am he texted me in a panic looking for help. He's a lawyer but started a financial accounting course for whatever reason. So he texts me 'omg I just had my first course and I'm lost would you please have time to help me with this before I go crazy!!. I replied of course I'll help you. I'm free Tuesday or Thursday. That was 24 hours ago, never got a reply back. I'm tempted to say 'listen if you want to interact with me in any fashion you need to be a little more on the ball with your replies' but wouldn't that be like mothering him? Maybe that's what he needs a mother after all he's 39 and I'm 10 years older. 1
Diezel Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Just make plans otherwise. If he texts you about Thursday, tell him you already made plans since he never texted back to your last message. But to openly say it like that, yeah, there's a negative tone no matter how you spin that.
DivorcedDad123 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Sounds like he's playing games. He tosses out the bait and you bite. Then he's done. Like he's just trying to see if you're still interested and when he finds out you are,he goes on with life. I'd wonder how many other women he may be texting that he can't find the time to simply be polite and text you back. 6
Methodical Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 He's a professional who should have higher standards and act more responsible. Asking for help, getting the answer he wants, and then leaving you hanging is immature. Apparently common sense eludes him and if you wish to maintain future contact w/o feeling disrespected or taken for granted, tell him that you expect him to follow thru on communication. 3
Toodaloo Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Gaeta just tell him! Or tell him that when he responds promptly it makes you randy for him!!!
Author Gaeta Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 He told me my 2 most attractive qualities are confidence and strong character. Maybe I should serve him some of that strong character. He did call me back, risking insults, after I had told him to F-off and to call himself an escort. 9
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 There is no good way to end a running text conversation imo. Rather than criticizing, ask him to simply say good bye or TTYL when he's "done" with the conversation.
Author Gaeta Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Sometimes it's obvious the conversation is over but with him he always disappears after I asked a question!!
losangelena Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I don't think the quality of one's texting ability should be held too heavily against someone. In dating, it's just become one more avenue by which to judge someone negatively. I personally would not read into it anymore than he's a bad texter. I don't think he's playing with you, and I disagree with the notion that because he's a professional businessman he should have higher communication standards for himself. Sure, it's ideal, but I've met plenty of business people who are sloppy, slovenly, disorganized, forgetful, and poor communicators. Since you don't like how he does it, maybe ask him not to text you. Or when he does text you, don't try and engage with him the way you normally would. Let your texts drop like his do. I sincerely doubt that your texting game is going to have to be on point with this one. Edited to add: As always, if it's behavior you don't like, you don't have to put up with—cut him loose if it's really so bad! 3
Author Gaeta Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 I know the answer is always somewhere in the middle. I don't think it's matter of lacking interest, more like him having a scattered brain. On the other end he is good at calling. Often if I initiate text he'll dial me instead of replying by text.
losangelena Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Do that, then. Stick to calls. Accept the fact that he will never be a champion texter. I get your frustration. I love a good text volley, but my BF just cannot for the life of him do it. We've got the in person banter down just fine, but I'm lucky to get more than a sentence out of him via SMS. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Gaeta, you have the patience of a saint! Personally, I would be done with him. I have very little patience for anyone who is this bad at communicating. It's disrespectful and immature if you ask me. Clearly you're not top of mind so save your dignity and move on. Communication is such a critical piece in any relationship. If he's this bad with even the very basics regarding communicating, can you imagine what else he's bad at? Or how this will play out weeks or months or even years from now? NEXT! This guy doesn't deserve you. 4
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) He's a professional who should have higher standards and act more responsible. Asking for help, getting the answer he wants, and then leaving you hanging is immature. Apparently common sense eludes him and if you wish to maintain future contact w/o feeling disrespected or taken for granted, tell him that you expect him to follow thru on communication. ^^Absolutely. I mean he is a 39 year old man for chrissakes, a lawyer no less. Or so he claims? I work with lawyers, and have for five years. And they would never make comments such as the one this guy did, hell it sounds like something a teenager would say! Shaking head at why you are even communicating with him, after the disappearing act he pulled after sex, and now this crap. Come on Gaeta, exercise some discretion on who you choose to date. At 49, one would think you would know better. No wonder the same shyt keeps happening to you. Edited April 29, 2015 by katiegrl 7
Redhead14 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) I have seen this man twice (Jewelry guy). He's a bad texter. He drops off of text conversations with no notice and gets back to me like 2 days later but won't even answer the last question. Conversation before he invited me to do an out door activity this week when ever I am available. He dropped that conversation after I asked when he's free. Yesterday at around 10 am he texted me in a panic looking for help. He's a lawyer but started a financial accounting course for whatever reason. So he texts me 'omg I just had my first course and I'm lost would you please have time to help me with this before I go crazy!!. I replied of course I'll help you. I'm free Tuesday or Thursday. That was 24 hours ago, never got a reply back. I'm tempted to say 'listen if you want to interact with me in any fashion you need to be a little more on the ball with your replies' but wouldn't that be like mothering him? Maybe that's what he needs a mother after all he's 39 and I'm 10 years older. You've only met him twice. Now is not the time to start criticizing or putting expectations on him. That being said, if you are unhappy with his "texting" style, you respond to that in kind. In other words, if he doesn't respond, don't reach out to him again. Make plans for yourself. And, after two dates, he shouldn't be asking you for help with anything. You are not in a relationship of any kind yet. If he reaches out to you via text again, instead of a call, you simply move on. Texting by itself and being flaky about it, in my book, comes across as insincere about interest. If he calls you and asks you for another date, you simply open a casual conversation at some point that is simply a statement about what you do and don't like about texting in general. Don't be specific about his style. Say something like "I get annoyed when people don't respond to texts or don't finish a conversation, don't you?" And, then let him talk. Or, I like to talk on the phone when there are specific questions or logistics to work out. I find that there are a lot of misunderstandings when texting". Edited April 29, 2015 by Redhead14 3
SmartDude Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Is good texting skill something that you can not live without in a partner? If the answer is no, use the phone to talk. Maybee his phone is broken and/or on vibrate. Some people do not pay attention to texts becuase it is not "real" communication.
Methodical Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 ^^Absolutely. I mean he is a 39 year old man for chrissakes, a lawyer no less. Or so he claims? I work with lawyers, and have for five years. And they would never make comments such as the one this guy did, hell it sounds like something a teenager would say! Shaking head at why you are even communicating with him, after the disappearing act he pulled after sex, and now this crap. Come on Gaeta, exercise some discretion on who you choose to date. At 49, one would think you would know better. No wonder the same shyt keeps happening to you. He didn't have a problem with texting to ask for help. A simple thank you takes um, ten seconds to type and send . That's not asking for too much. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Gaeta, you have the patience of a saint! Personally, I would be done with him. I have very little patience for anyone who is this bad at communicating. It's disrespectful and immature if you ask me. Clearly you're not top of mind so save your dignity and move on. Communication is such a critical piece in any relationship. If he's this bad with even the very basics regarding communicating, can you imagine what else he's bad at? Or how this will play out weeks or months or even years from now? NEXT! This guy doesn't deserve you. Communication is vital. But texting isn't really communication IMO. If you want to communicate, talk face to face or at least over the phone. It cracks me up when I see people referring to texting as "talking". Now I'll be the first to admit that texts that requiring a response, not being respinded to, is a pet peeve of mine. But I still would never get that worked up over texting. If someone is invested in person, that's what matters to me.
Author Gaeta Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Now I am remembering nurse. He was a bad texter and I told him many times his texting habit drove me up the wall. To him, he did nothing wrong. I remember this one time we were arranging something and he put his phone down, with no notice, and went shoveling and got back to me 4 hours later. He did not consider (or think) I was on the other end waiting for plans to be confirmed. I think these bad texters are on a different planet and if you point something to them they just hear blahblahblah and don't get it.
Author Gaeta Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Well talking about the devil he just text...
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Communication is vital. But texting isn't really communication IMO. If you want to communicate, talk face to face or at least over the phone. It cracks me up when I see people referring to texting as "talking". Now I'll be the first to admit that texts that requiring a response, not being respinded to, is a pet peeve of mine. But I still would never get that worked up over texting. If someone is invested in person, that's what matters to me. You're preaching to the choir my friend. I never once claimed that texting qualifies as "talking" because in my world, it does not but it is the way things seem to be these days so I roll with the punches. As much as I might be one of those that dislikes the texting mentality and prefer more organic methods of communicating, I know how to conduct myself in a way that never leaves another person in doubt, romantic or otherwise. It's common sense and just plain good manners for heaven's sake. Responding in a timely manner, following up on questions, closing conversations, apologizing for delayed responses etc. These are all the basic fundamentals of good communication regardless if you're texting or calling or standing in front of someone. Making excuses for why people are bad at communicating particularly in reference to texting is only perpetuating the problems we seem to have in the first place. Demand more and you'll get more. 2
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 You've only met him twice. Now is not the time to start criticizing or putting expectations on him. That being said, if you are unhappy with his "texting" style, you respond to that in kind. In other words, if he doesn't respond, don't reach out to him again. Make plans for yourself. And, after two dates, he shouldn't be asking you for help with anything. You are not in a relationship of any kind yet. If he reaches out to you via text again, instead of a call, you simply move on. Texting by itself and being flaky about it, in my book, comes across as insincere about interest. If he calls you and asks you for another date, you simply open a casual conversation at some point that is simply a statement about what you do and don't like about texting in general. Don't be specific about his style. Say something like "I get annoyed when people don't respond to texts or don't finish a conversation, don't you?" And, then let him talk. Or, I like to talk on the phone when there are specific questions or logistics to work out. I find that there are a lot of misunderstandings when texting". ^^If this were any other guy she only had two dates with, I would agree 100%. But this is a guy with whom she had sex, after which he blew her off and disappeared for three weeks. I understand .... he decided to call again after the fiasco with the lying "depressed" guy, which made her feel better. But that doesn't mean she should jump in and start seeing him again... He disappeared once, he will disappear again. In the meantime, he blows hot and cold with respect to communicating, blows off her attempts to schedule getting together, speaks like a teenager... what more does she need? Red, I really respect you, so would you explain to me WHY she should even be considering the idea of starting anything up with him again? I'm open! 2
Gary S Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Do I even have to say it!? I'd stick to the phone (calls).
Author Gaeta Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 So, our text exchange was short and sweet. He did not drop off the conversation this time. He asked about my day, I asked about his, and he said he's doing better than yesterday and will tell me all about it tonight. Really tonight? I don't see him anywhere on my agenda for tonight lol 1
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 He didn't have a problem with texting to ask for help. A simple thank you takes um, ten seconds to type and send . That's not asking for too much. ^^Agree again. He is not a bad texter. His behavior has nothing to do with "texting." He's blowing her off, and that is just rude, and indicative of someone you probably DON'T want to get involved with. AGAIN. 1
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 So, our text exchange was short and sweet. He did not drop off the conversation this time. He asked about my day, I asked about his, and he said he's doing better than yesterday and will tell me all about it tonight. Really tonight? I don't see him anywhere on my agenda for tonight lol Lol, hot and cold. Now he's back to hot. Good luck!
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