tasstears Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) Hey everyone, It's my first post here after lurking for weeks. I've been stuck in this state and it's torturing so I'm just getting them off my heart. Hopefully there's people who is going through the same and lets help each other through it? So, my ex and I have been separated for 19 days now. It's a pretty short period of time but the relationship has basically been on the rocks for the last 6 months or so. I recognize that the demise of the relationship mainly lies on me as I was insecure. According to him, he has been extremely busy with absolutely no time to drop me a single text the whole day until late at night. However, he has time to always be online on the phone (cause of work commitments) and has time for gaming. It may be that I am too demanding but all I ever asked for was just for him to drop me a single text during any time of the day, or whenever he is free. Apparently, it was too much to ask of him so we broke up. Well, that's the gist of the story. It wouldn't have worked out because I felt that he has fallen out of love with me and despite voicing it out, nothing has ever changed. It's always that I am the unreasonable one, being not understanding etc when all I ever wanted was for him to drop me a text at his convenience. Here comes the horrible part though, on the last day we were together, I was really upset. We fought and he said that all I ever want is for him to be penniless. In the heat of the moment, I replied in the worst way ever. I told him "Why would I want that. If you're broke then there'll be no one who would pay for me". Yikes. I still cringe whenever I think of what I actually said. It's been 19 days and that scene just keeps replaying over and over and over in my head. We've been on NC since the break up and I haven't reached out to him but I feel so horrible for saying something so mean that I keep wanting to reach out and tell him that I'm sorry. I've always reasoned with myself and said that it's pointless because there is no chance for reconciliation and telling him sorry would serve no purpose. The guilt is still burning inside me and I can't get it out of my mind. I was never with him for his money (my family is more well to do) but now he probably thinks that I was. I can't believe I said something so hurtful and the guilt is killing me. Edited April 29, 2015 by tasstears
joseb Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 It's not that bad. Most people say far worse things in breakups. So don't feel guilty. And contacting him just to relieve your guilt is not a nice thing to do anyway, and as you say yourself, serves no purpose - assuming you accept the relationship is over?
xinaxxsdertf Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 im not sure the manner of how you said it to him but this is not even offensive. more like a joke rather than an insult. dont feel guilty. dont reach out to him just to say sorry. if you want him back then all u can do is wait.. i want my ex back but ive been waiting since the 5th of this month. sometimes they dont come back but that means it wasnt true love! i loved my ex like she was the "one" but she broke up with me and hasnt reached out so that answered my question as should yours. trust me, after 19 days, he doesnt even think about it. people dont let 1 offensive insult decide their relationship. My ex was like you, she always texted through the day. im on the other side where i feel as though yes i shouldve put more effort into texting her but didnt and now i regret it because it hurt her in the end. i too was busy a lot of the time and always had work, sports, training and friends so i couldnt reply all the time. i ended up letting her initiate texts all the time but yet in person i was completely communicative. to be completely honest, texting is just annoying sometimes.i didnt like always having to reply all the time. but now that shes gone, i miss her texts more than ever... i miss that good morning texts and the "i miss u" texts through out the day but hey we have to move on and keep pushing forward. if its meant to be, it will be
Chi townD Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 It was the heat of the moment and both of you were hurting and angry. After time, he'll realize that it was said in anger and write it off. Hell, he probably already did. I mean, think about it. Do you honestly think what you said to him is keeping him up at night? Highly doubt it. Just remain in NC and move on. One thing about break up's no matter what, even if you feel that the break up is mutual, someone usually ends up hurt to some degree.
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 You are carrying a lot of guilt for a throw away jab spit in anger during the heat of the moment. It seems out of proportion. I suspect he doesn't even remember what you said. He's more focused on the big picture: him losing interest & you begging for more attention that he didn't want to give you. Normally I wouldn't suggest you do anything about this but since it's eating at you in an unhealthy way, apologize but make it short. Text something along the lines of: Although I recognize we are better off apart, I do feel bad about one of the last barbs I threw at you. Please don't think I was ever with you just for your money. I'm not a gold digger & I am sorry I implied I was only with you for what you could buy me. Unfortunately since he said he thought you wanted to see him penniless I suspect he thought you were interfering with his ability to keep a good job. On the off chance, he replies back to you, do not respond.
Author tasstears Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 i loved my ex like she was the "one" but she broke up with me and hasnt reached out so that answered my question as should yours. Have you considered contacting her if you haven't already done so? I'm kind of in your ex's shoes and I spent so long wishing that my guy would tell me that he's willing to put more effort or that he misses me. Has been an empty wait and I'm convinced that the day will never come now. Y'know, maybe she's just there hoping that you'll reach out to her? Hope you aren't offended by me being nosey! Unfortunately since he said he thought you wanted to see him penniless I suspect he thought you were interfering with his ability to keep a good job. I'm assuming that he has misunderstood and felt that I wanted him to prioritize me over his work and everything else. I was very tempted to send him something along the lines of what you wrote but I'll just be hoping he'd reply. Even if he did reply, it'd bring my healing all the way back to the start. Either way, I'd be crushed. Perhaps me being bothered about what I said just suggests that I'm not as over him as I thought. And contacting him just to relieve your guilt is not a nice thing to do anyway, and as you say yourself, serves no purpose - assuming you accept the relationship is over? Well, he's still having a hell of a time in my mind right now so I guess I'm-not-very-over kind of over him. But I guess I've no choice but to accept that he is not coming back.
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