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Posted (edited)

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and 1/2 years. We are both 20. Last August he broke up with me telling that he wanted to date other people while he is still at college. Three months later he texted me, told me he wanted me back and because I still had feelings for him I agreed if we took things slow. It's been five months later now but he is again in doubt of us. He told me that his heart went cold, he feels no loving emotions for me sometimes. He told that while we are walking on street he suddenly feels like he is walking with a stranger, no feelings. Last night he called me and asked for time to figure whether he can give me the love that I actually deserve (he admitted he was not treating me the way i deserved) he told that he was so confused and he just doesn't want to break up since we had a past and he may regret his decision if he made it this soon. He offered that we both keep on talking just as friends and he will figure out how he feels during this time. To him, this does not mean a break up but just a phase that he will sort things out. To me, this phase will not turn things magically to when we were happy, although I wish it could. I still love him but after all we have been through I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I just accepted his offer but I don't know what to do next. I really appreciate your experiences and advices. Thanks

Edited by moonflower
Posted

He's doing the same thing he did last time. He's stringing you along. He's filling you up with false hope to keep you on the sidelines while he plays the field. And when he's done having his fun, he comes back to what's safe and secure because he kept you under the guise of "being friends".

 

 

Write this dude off. You either get 100% of him or nothing at all. You deserve a guy that knows what he wants and has his sh*t together. This guy isn't it.

  • Like 3
Posted

What an absolute d*ck of a man. He doesn't have the balls to be alone and to get rid of you forever so he's stringing you on. He's not in love with you. He's keeping you to sooth his ego until his life becomes more interesting or he meets someone new.

Be brave girl, tell him you've had enough, and never speak with him again.

Posted

Yeah, he definitely is stringing you along. He may not realize why it is wrong, because to him, he still gets to keep you in his life without having to be your boyfriend.

 

As someone who got a similar pitch from his ex after the guy she dumped me for left her, I don't recommend taking him up on his offer. Be direct with him, and tell him you want a committed relationship or nothing. If he is allowed to date other people, then so are you. If you aren't ready, then that's cool, but you shouldn't have to watch him do it.

Posted

I would ask him if this 'time ' is free for you both to date others. Don't sit at home while he's having fun. Never let a man think you're pining away for him.

 

Although some couples remain an item from your age, it is still quite young and maybe he feels he's missing out.

 

This is also your time to be young, have fun and not get stressed over a guy that's not sure what he wants.

Posted

moonflower, I really feel your pain here.

 

But here's the bottom line, he may not intentionally hurting you, but what he's doing is wrong. Don't pine away at him. Right now, he's in complete control. He has the power to crush you or elevate you, and that's not healthy in a relationship.

 

I'm the same age as you, so please understand that this happens a lot with young people. He's confused and emotional and doesn't know what he wants. You as well are in no position emotionally to be with this guy either. It's incredibly painful. Believe me, I know. But he needs to figure out what he wants. You need time to heal. He doesn't want to be alone, but he wants to see what is in the world as well. Again, it's unfortunate, but it's not uncommon in our crowd of young people/college students.

 

Starting from friends and going from there, never works. Believe me, I tried and it is so painful and awful. One person wants all in, the other is unsure and scared. This kind of emotional immaturity comes with the territory.

 

He wants his cake and eat it too. Don't let him have that power over you. It's only going to hurt you more.

 

Don't be with someone who doesn't know what they want.

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