She lets herself "Go" a lot, Am I being too shallow?

April 20, 2005

CurlyIam........so am I by the way tee, hee, hee

What do you mean your b/f was tough to break......I don't understand what that has to do with the post? Explain to me please.....I'm having a blonde moment.

bubbles

April 20, 2005

sorry, not your problem - I meant to break him into getting used to life is a couple... you know, not being on your top mood daily, not feeling like wearing one of your sexy negligees Daily, etc...

April 20, 2005

Uh huh.......now I understand.

Your b/f expected you to stay "dressed"? So did mine......I think my guy did a good job at telling me what he wanted.....don't you?

How did your boyfriend get around to telling you?

bubbles

April 20, 2005

Originally posted by CurlyIam
sorry, not your problem - I meant to break him into getting used to life is a couple... you know, not being on your top mood daily, not feeling like wearing one of your sexy negligees Daily, etc...

That's called being unrealistic! I mean did he look all nice and shaved and have great breath in the morning? Did he have a strange inability to sweat while he was having crazy sex? Things get messy. People sweat.

I grew up in such a busy house, my Mom would totally jump out of her work clothes into "home" clothes because she was a nurse and worse scrubs to work. My Mom worked HARD and my Dad was so in love with her, that he would always compliment her no matter what she looked like.

April 20, 2005

blind,

I don't think this couple has children. I think she is just comfortable and I can't say I blame her either. There are a lot of men that cannot stand it when women dress in sloppy clothes... period. Every-one is different.

My ex husband loved it when I wore sweats he said it was easier to get my pants off that way! My new guy prefers to see me in 2 piece pyjamy sets like the sexy ones they sell in Victoria Secrets (not the men's looking pyjamas). My ex boyfriend wanted me to walk around in lingerie all the time.......so as I said..........each person is different. What's really important here is HOW the poster presents his case!

bubbles

April 20, 2005

Originally posted by blind_otter
That's called being unrealistic! I mean did he look all nice and shaved and have great breath in the morning? Did he have a strange inability to sweat while he was having crazy sex? Things get messy. People sweat.

I totall hated him... that man would never have a stincky breath. Ever. I admit he didn't eat garlic or onion, . I don't know how he did it, I guess his stomach was in great condition.

He would hardly ever sweat, and after being with him for a whole year, I've only once thought that his tshirt smelled. Great skin too.

He was a cutie and he would occasionally have skin problems. Thanks Lord, me too, especially right before that time of the months.

And... we weren't married and weren't having babies. I am was not working when I was dating him... it's a different stage of the relationship. Maybe he'll fall inlove so hard with a woman that he'll overlook her unshaved legs or messy hair. doubt it, but I sure hope for that him... I have no idea. But the thing is, at least when you're young and unattached, you should try your best to look your best. 'cause yes, it does matter, and yes, it can make men less "romantically disposed", no matter how much it gets to us!

April 20, 2005

Hey Guys,

Here's the thing, i'm totally down with lounging and i don't mind that

when we get home, she wants to get comfy. That's fine. She works hard.

It's just that, she has time to do stuff for herself. She COULD go get a

haircut if she wanted, we're not poor. She COULD trim and paint her nails if she wanted,

she just gets soooooo LAZY. For the past couple of Birthdays, Xmas, i've

actually gotten her Gift certs for Pedicures, haircuts, etc. And she digs it.

She likes being pampered with stuff like that. But never keeps it up on her

own.

She hardly wears any make-up, and I think she looks fine without it too.

She doesn't wear lipstick or eyeliner or anything like that, just light make-up.

and i'm fine with that, she's beautiful.

My big thing i guess is: She just gets soo lazy. Who she is when i first met her,

is different to who she is now. She's still beautiful and fun and I love her very much,

I just feel like I have to take care of her and get her the things she needs, other wise,

she won't do it. I'll buy her socks for work, cuz otherwise she'll just wear ones with

holes in them.

My point is, She used to take care of herself when we first met and had class, now,

she doesn't take very good care of herself now. And I wonder WHY?

April 20, 2005

you say LAZY, when it is not laziness, but a possible priority shift.

maybe she is not as consumed with material things, and standardized beauty rituals anymore.....especially If her Bf seems to place way too much emphasis on those things now.

one of those She will do the opposite of what you say, just to get a rise outta you type deals. except this is in a passive-aggrssive tone.

That is what I would do anyways......

April 20, 2005

Because she's on an already conquered territory? she could be too sure of yourself to make the effort to please you?

Maybe she thinks it would be unappropriate to be all dressed up, because guys will hit on to her all the time? I have no idea, yu have to talk to her about that!

April 20, 2005

I still don't really feel your pain. I mean painting her nails? Who cares about that? I haven't painted my nails in like a year. Getting a hair cut? I'd have to color my hair purple for my bf to notice a change.

We need more examples than hair and nails. Is there something else?

April 20, 2005

Originally posted by HoldOn
I still don't really feel your pain. I mean painting her nails? Who cares about that? I haven't painted my nails in like a year. Getting a hair cut? I'd have to color my hair purple for my bf to notice a change.

We need more examples than hair and nails. Is there something else?

seriously! i cannot usually stand to have my nails painted, and getting a hair cut is a tramatic-emotional experience for me.....so i only go if it is something a quick trim from me will not help.

like some else said, at least she has not porked up....well you did not say, but i am guess YOU would have added that as well.

April 20, 2005

Who she is when i first met her,
is different to who she is now. She's still beautiful and fun and I love her very much,
I just feel like I have to take care of her and get her the things she needs, other wise,
she won't do it. I'll buy her socks for work, cuz otherwise she'll just wear ones with
holes in them.

My point is, She used to take care of herself when we first met and had class, now,
she doesn't take very good care of herself now. And I wonder WHY?

If these are issues that are really upsetting you, then you need to really sit and think if she is the right person for you.

Stop buying her socks, stop 'taking care' of her. Let her do it. IF she wears holey socks out and about, who cares? It's her that will take any jokes that come her way - And then maybe she'll change her ways abit.

She sounds abit like me. A procrastinator. When someone else picks up the slack, she'll slack off abit cuz it's being done. It's not a huge deal from where I sit, but it is to you.

Accept her for who she is. Does she do kind things for you? Is she loving and giving? Fun and exciting? A good person? Those are things that count. The other stuff is just annoying little day to day habits and quirks.

I've been meaning to cut my toe nails for 3 days now. Just keep on forgetting (though I shall go do it now cuz I just remembered!) and for no real reason either. Just isn't as important.

She's working and as you say works very hard...So maybe she has other things on her mind.

Oh and with the hair thing...Not all women go to get their hair cuts every 3 months. I go once a year, if that. I hate having my hair done...Maybe she doesn't really like it either...I don't know.

April 20, 2005

Again, i'm not trying to be shallow and it's not a HUGE

deal, i'm not going to leave her over it, I'm just trying to

understand WHY she does it.

I've always been a super nurturing, loving, caring, respectful,

snuggling, gentleman for her. She has done the same. I'll admit,

maybe i do handle a lot of the duties at home and pamper her

and do a lot of things for her and maybe she's kind of gotten used

to it as WhichWayIsUp mentioned. She does procrastinate, Bigtime!

I mean, i've been with her a while and We live together and

I DO love her. I'm madly in love. But I just wonder

sometimes, why she doesn't take better care of herself,

when she seems to worry about her appearance a lot (she has a low-self esteem sometimes)

and will ask all the time [color=red]"Do you think i'm pretty?" [/color].. And I always respond with

"Of course you are Pretty, You are Beautiful to me"....

Or she will say "Sorry i look so frumpy today" and i'll always say

"no hunny, you're beautiful, don't worry about it"... Because

honestly, I am fine with it. But, not every single day, not every time I come

home to her and it's like, 2PM. She's not going to have the self-confidence she

needs if she doesn't take better care of herself. I'm always encouraging her and

telling her she is beautiful, but to no avail.

Anyway, I'll talk with her...

April 20, 2005

Well, if she is hanging out in her pjs every day at 2:00 that's a whole other issue. Maybe she is depressed.

I am not saying that your concerns are not valid. However, you haven't really described anything I would think was really "slobby". I mean does she dump food on herself and never take a shower??

April 20, 2005

Something's fishy, 'cause a woman who used to take extracare of her usually has a lot of confidence also.

Someone who'd doubt her appearance all of a sudden and change her with regard to this... may have deeper issues.

Have a heart to heart talk to her and confront her to the change. If she's that unsure of herself, maybe she should talk to someone more qualified.

As long as you two talk about it.

April 20, 2005

yeah, like GD said, depression will do that.

but, you said you say "ok" , when she say sorry i look like a bum. And you buy her socks.

Quit babing her soo much. let her remember to fill up her tank, take out the trash, wash dishes, be an adult for a week.

give her more responsibilties..let her know first.

But definately, sit down and talk about it. as dumb as it may sound, if something bothers you, get it out....it will only fester if you keep it bottled up inside.

April 20, 2005

Well, the more and more i read from y'all,

the more i'm seeing that it's nothing to really

worry about, she's just a lounging kinda gal.

Well she is sloppy, Her side of the room is

ALWAYS thrashed. She'll let trashes pile up over the

rim, She'll leave cups and plates around the house.

She leaves her clothes all over the house. Her car is

always messy. She can pretty much never find anything she needs.

She'll walk around the house, brushing her teeth and you'll find

Toothpaste on the carpet or whatever. AND then there's

the whole Lounging thing. It's almost as if she cannot Wait to

get out of normal clothes and into jammies.

She's not depressed, but she also doesn't have many hobbies.

I don't know. I love her, I was just trying to get some insight and

some feedback from y'all.

I think i just live with a Lazy girl.

April 20, 2005

Originally posted by circusfood
Well, the more and more i read from y'all,
the more i'm seeing that it's nothing to really
worry about, she's just a lounging kinda gal.

Well she is sloppy, Her side of the room is
ALWAYS thrashed. She'll let trashes pile up over the
rim, She'll leave cups and plates around the house.
She leaves her clothes all over the house. Her car is
always messy. She can pretty much never find anything she needs.
She'll walk around the house, brushing her teeth and you'll find
Toothpaste on the carpet or whatever. AND then there's
the whole Lounging thing. It's almost as if she cannot Wait to
get out of normal clothes and into jammies.
She's not depressed, but she also doesn't have many hobbies.

I don't know. I love her, I was just trying to get some insight and
some feedback from y'all.

I think i just live with a Lazy girl.

One more thought...

Often times once couples move in together or get married they become more than comfortable with one another, they become complacent...

In the case of your GF.. it seems she wasn't always the way she is now.. she is comfortable with you (and thats good) but IMO it shouldn't be at the expense of not trying anymore...

Trying for your partner does not IMO become unneccesary because you're *got them* so to speak.. it is when you've *got them* that sometimes the REAL WORK starts...

April 20, 2005

I guess the romance dies after a while and what you used to think was "cute" becomes "repulsive and slovenly".

I dunno, to this day my exhusband describes me in glowing terms even though I myself am a slob who leaves magazines and books laying around the house, washes dishes maybe twice a week, and walks around the house brushing my teeth as well. And we've been split up for years.

Have you lost "the spark"???

April 20, 2005

Okay, I may be the only one but my bf totally notices when I get my nails done. They are always done but he will say, nice color!

I can also say and be totally honest that in 13 years of marriage my exh only saw my bare toenails at the most five times!

I'm just a girly girl I guess.

April 20, 2005

Well, toe nails are a whole different matter! The polish stays on forever and doesn't chip like your finger nails. So that's much easier.

April 20, 2005

I think you're a nice guy and I understand how you might be feeling a little frustrated. Guys are visual creatures.

When I was at university I would spend a lot of time on my appearance - nails, hair, tan, clothes etc etc. Then I became a lawyer and all of a sudden I had no spare time. I went for 3 months once without having 1 day off - I had to keep cancelling my appointment with my hairdresser and the beautician. Finally I had to end up paying double for a salon to stay open after hour just so I could get my hair cut and coloured after 10pm on a work night!!

I am not the glamour girl I once looked like at university, but my boyfriend loves me just the same because he is with me because of my personality and drive, not my nail colour.

April 21, 2005

If you go by how much effort I put into my appearances, I guess I'm "lazy" too, even though I look nice even without having to paint my nails (I DO keep them filed) and wear makeup. But you know what? This "lazy" girl (me) is currently taking 17 credits of upper-level classes, getting straight A's, being vice chair of her student organization, working, having a social life, AND doing it all while having just had a huge cyst removed from one of her fallopian tubes. If you consider that lazy, then...well, I can't say it here.

Now, if your woman does NOTHING during the day, then fine, she's lazy. But if she's working hard at something, then lay off her.

April 21, 2005

read the new jane (april). it has a list of twenty things you can do to get over the doldrums of living together (if there are some).

the article answers your question.

April 21, 2005

Originally posted by Merin
Often times once couples move in together or get married they become more than comfortable with one another, they become complacent...

We have tried to avoid that. Not always successfully, of course.

Gina & I are both attentive to good grooming & hygiene, & we both try to keep reasonably trim (although that's not as easy in one's 40's as in one's teens! ).

In doing so, we each send the message to the other that we want to be pleasing in the other's sight. Of course, there is a lot more to the relationship than that, but in a way it's being considerate of the other.

With my ex-w, it was another matter entirely. Once the I-do's were said, the "mating plumage" was quickly shed. By our 1st anniversary, she had gained over 100 lbs, & spent most of our marriage weighing 275+.

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