TheBathWater Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) I've been seeing someone for about a month. It feels like we are moving out of the initial dating phase now and want to continue seeing each other, but there is still some ways to go before it is anything official. I'm the guy, she's the woman. I basically just don't want to screw it up either by appearing too excited/clingy, but also by not being so predictably distant and casual that she gets the impression I'm not a relationship-minded guy. Just a little background... We met online. The sex is great. We have similar backgrounds/beliefs/education, and we're starting to talk more openly and real with each other now about our lives. I am starting to feel connected with her and curious to see where it goes. I have called her on the phone a couple of times to talk for 10 minutes and she loved this. She seems interested for sure, but something tells me I need to get her emotions more invested and I'm not sure how to do this. I think this is the point normally when most guys think that by showing her how much they like her, it will make her more into them. I don't buy that and don't want to to be that guy. Any tips? Edited April 29, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Have you called her your GF yet when introducing her to someone? Try that as an opening gambit. Otherwise, talk to her. Tell her you are happy with how things are now but you are wondering what she sees for you two in a month, maybe 6 months down the road. Take baby steps. Ask open ended Qs. No pressure.
PegNosePete Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I think this is the point normally when most guys think that by showing her how much they like her, it will make her more into them. I don't buy that and don't want to to be that guy. So what guy do you want to be? The guy that shows her you're not interested, and gets dumped because he's not interested? Interesting strategy. Let us know how it works out for you. I wouldn't hold your breath. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I've been seeing someone for about a month. It feels like we are moving out of the initial dating phase now and want to continue seeing each other, but there is still some ways to go before it is anything official. I'm the guy, she's the woman. I basically just don't want to screw it up either by appearing too excited/clingy, but also by not being so predictably distant and casual that she gets the impression I'm not a relationship-minded guy. Just a little background... We met online. The sex is great. We have similar backgrounds/beliefs/education, and we're starting to talk more openly and real with each other now about our lives. I am starting to feel connected with her and curious to see where it goes. I have called her on the phone a couple of times to talk for 10 minutes and she loved this. She seems interested for sure, but something tells me I need to get her emotions more invested and I'm not sure how to do this. I think this is the point normally when most guys think that by showing her how much they like her, it will make her more into them. I don't buy that and don't want to to be that guy. Any tips? Take this in stages. You two are being intimate. At least make sure you are on the same page regarding exclusivity. Don't introduce her as your girlfriend yet unless you know she considers you her boyfriend. You can open a casual conversation with her. Say something like 'I'm enjoying your company and our relationship thus far. I'm not seeing anyone else and don't want to now." And, then let her talk. This is non-pressuring and makes it clear to her that you want to focus on her.
Author TheBathWater Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 No one thinks that I need to consider the temperature of her attraction/feelings for me before having this kind of discussion with her? In my experience, if you show too much interest too soon, it can backfire and make one appear needy. I keep wondering if there is anything more I need to do before I even consider this discussion with her. We have only had 5 dates over the course of a month. It is definitely starting to feel more intimate, and I definitely want to keep moving closer toward what could be a serious relationship with this person, but I just keep worrying that I need to make her feel more invested in me emotionally before I can broach the subject. Does that change anything, or are people telling me that I really need to bring this up to her?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 All you need to do is what you have been. As long as you keep being consistent with phone calls every so often, planning dates, and satisfying her in bed, she'll get there naturally. In your mind, act as if you're already together and have full confidence she'll want it to. Eventually she'll drop a hint about it telling you what you already knew, and then you finalize the conversation.
Gary S Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I say let her bring up the serious talk. They usually do at the two month mark. For the most part, just keep doing what you are doing, it seems to be working. Since it sounds like it's already serious, you could take her on great dates, buy her flowers, and make sure you give her lots of affection when you meet and again before you leave... hold her in your arms and give her an amazing hug, they like that! The true nature of love is playful and fun, not serious. If life is a toilet bowl, make sure you are the air freshener!
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