How to politely tell a neighbor to f**k off, and still remain neighborly

April 29, 2015

After having my semi rural homestead all to myself for the last 7.5 years, the vacant property next door to me was purchased recently. The man that bought it now lives there and is driving me "in-frigging-sane"!

He's 50 years old and single and has a cat (red flag, cat living with a 50 year old man). He's unemployed and plans to "live off the land". He smokes like a chimney, while at the same time complaining about health problems. He does not own a lawnmower, yard rake, or even a cordless drill. He is always trying to give me stuff or volunteering to help me with things around the property, of course I refuse his offers. His plan of living off the land, I've quickly discovered really involves mooching off anybody he can. So far he's asked to share my WiFi signal, cordless drill, and to use my lawn tractor.

I've politely told him I'm a very private person and do not like being disturbed while I am home, to which he stated "I would never disturb you buddy". Then the very same day he's in my face while I am cleaning up my car. I've tried turning and walking the other way as he approaches me, as well as completely ignoring him calling my name. Nothing has worked so far. He just won't get the hint. He's like a troll, sitting looking out his window waiting for me to drive up.

So now I'm faced with having to be a dick and just flat out tell him to leave me alone, which may turn him into a pissed off neighbor. But I've tried telling him nicely already, and it went right over his head. I want to remain neighborly for the sake of the peace, but I just don't like this guy because he's deadbeat.

So any tips on how I might get him to back off without becoming un-neighborly would be greatly appreciated. I'm on the verge of snapping on this guy!

April 29, 2015

This is why everyone has fences. Put up a padlocked picket fence around your area so he can't see when you're outside. Meanwhile, you'll need all your tools for building that, so he can't borrow any. Park your car in a garage so he can't see when you're home. This is basic stuff that everyone does.

April 29, 2015

Build a fence. A high one.

And get a dog.

April 29, 2015

Creative fast-growing landscaping.

April 29, 2015

This is why everyone has fences. Put up a padlocked picket fence around your area so he can't see when you're outside. Meanwhile, you'll need all your tools for building that, so he can't borrow any. Park your car in a garage so he can't see when you're home. This is basic stuff that everyone does.

Darned, guess I will have to clean out the garage now.

I've thought about a fence also, but my property is heavily wooded. I will have to have some 70 foot tall oak trees taken out (very expensive) to accommodate a fence. But that is seeming like a better solution each passing day!

April 29, 2015

Hm ....it actually sounds to me like he's f*cking with you. Unfortunately there are people out there who are pros at that and seem to have nothing else to do with their time. Crap situation, sorry.

If he's that guy, be careful, bc usually they know how to work all the angles real well on codes and so on and they walk the near edge of the line between innocence and actionable offenses.

April 29, 2015

Creative fast-growing landscaping.

Good idea! Preferably something thorny!

April 29, 2015

Hm ....it actually sounds to me like he's f*cking with you. Unfortunately there are people out there who are pros at that and seem to have nothing else to do with their time. Crap situation, sorry.

If he's that guy, be careful, bc usually they know how to work all the angles real well on codes and so on and they walk the near edge of the line between innocence and actionable offenses.

Good point Jen!

One of my out buildings IS in violation of the county set back codes. He knows this. This is another reason I want to exist on friendly terms with him.

April 29, 2015

Good point Jen!

One of my out buildings IS in violation of the county set back codes. He knows this. This is another reason I want to exist on friendly terms with him.

You can bet your arse,if you tell your neighbor to piss off you, you will get a visit from the council over this ^. Good neighbors are good and jerk neighbors can be a pia. Tricky. I'd be inclined to always be in a pissed off mood when he comes around. Make up some bs - you have a jerk boss, you lost $ gambling, have a legal issue, family drama, whatever so he gets the impression you not in the mood to talk, and hopefully he will be less likely to want to come over or ask for a favor. You are always in a bad mood but its not directed specifically at him. Some moochers have got used to using others that they developed a thick hide though. Think about getting an angry dog.

April 29, 2015

Get a girlfriend and be so busy being loved up .. be "random" and it will remind him of his inadequacies and that will send him in his whole.

April 29, 2015

you can't pick your neighbors... all you can do is bite your lip and live your life.

On the flip side, you have an out building pushing the setback and you park in the driveway rather than in your garage.. maybe he is just messing with you on those angles, does he park in the driveway?

I think Jen might be right, he is most likely screwing with you since he knows you are anti-social and it must show that he gets under your skin.

Edited April 29, 2015 by Art_Critic

April 29, 2015

get curtains, just at the relevant windows

tell him some awful made up problem/s so bad he will avoid you whining all the time, be a real drag til he goes

what does he live on?

can he not by equipment with a loan agreement from a finance house?

he sounds thick-skinned to me, a bit idiotic even, dim

April 29, 2015

you can't pick your neighbors... all you can do is bite your lip and live your life.

On the flip side, you have an out building pushing the setback and you park in the driveway rather than in your garage.. maybe he is just messing with you on those angles, does he park in the driveway?

I think Jen might be right, he is most likely screwing with you since he knows you are anti-social and it must show that he gets under your skin.

No we are in a country setting, and my place is on my 2 acre lot, and he has an acre to himself. So we do not share a driveway, but unfortunately my drive parallels his property line (very closely) as does my detached garage.

As for my anti social behavior in regards to this guy, I only do it to try and avoid him thinking that he can "mooch" off of me. I am normally not really anti social. He has a group of older friends that take pity on him and they loan him money and buy his food. He is always singing the blues and trying hard to add me to his list of enablers. Back in February he actually did have a job for about a month, but quit because he did not like his female boss.

As Jen said, he may indeed be trying to tweak me a bit. If that prove to be the case then I am facing the expense of having to teardown that out building if he calls county code enforcement on me.

April 29, 2015

get curtains, just at the relevant windows

tell him some awful made up problem/s so bad he will avoid you whining all the time, be a real drag til he goes

what does he live on?
can he not by equipment with a loan agreement from a finance house?

he sounds thick-skinned to me, a bit idiotic even, dim

He if is definitely thick skinned. that's for certain. I've tried being rude as well as being very short with him, and yet he still just doesn't get it.

He was able to afford to buy his place after receiving an inheritance from his late sister. Apparently the money is gone and now he is broke.

He cannot even afford to have his own internet service activated, hence the reason he asked to share my WiFi signal, which I did for about a week before I realized he had no intention of ever getting his own.

April 29, 2015

he has a romantic idealized view of leaving the urban rat-race

please, just whine a lot, make yourself such a drag that he avoids you

you still have to live near him, you want the cessation to be his choice, lonely ppl like him can take umbrage, let's be careful out there

you could put a black candle up, he might get scared and avoid you, easier still, it worked for me once

April 29, 2015

Darned, guess I will have to clean out the garage now.

I've thought about a fence also, but my property is heavily wooded. I will have to have some 70 foot tall oak trees taken out (very expensive) to accommodate a fence. But that is seeming like a better solution each passing day!

I do realize it's a shame to have to give up the view when you're in a lovely place like that too. I realize fences are expensive, but maybe you could put the fence around at least some of those lovely trees. Maybe if you plan carefully, you can minimize how many to take out. If you can afford it, go wider so you can see more of your property. If one end opens to dense forest, maybe you could even leave that open as long as it wouldn't be easy for him to get out there, or chain-link that end so you have the view. Just depends on the lay of the land. You'll have to have it surveyed so you don't get into a "line war" with him too if the fence crosses his line. Good luck.

April 29, 2015

You should explain to him that you have just been diagnosed with a particularly infectious variant of tuberculosis.

I don't have any answers but I can emphasize. My next door neighbor has been the bane of my existence ever since she and her prissy little poodle moved in a couple of years ago. First thing she did was present me with a list of times that I could and could not mow my lawn based on her dog's sleep schedule. She also gave me specific instructions on what to do to rescue the dog if her house ever started on fire while she was a work.

Last summer she accused me of kicking a hole in her fence. (Why would I kick a hole in her fence? Then the prissy dog would be in MY yard!)

She dresses the poodle in hats, scarves, and little skirts and dresses and straps it in a baby stroller and pushes it around the neighborhood twice a day. I kid you not. She has totally missed the point of "walking the dog".

The final straw happened last October. She raked up all the leaves in her front yard and literally separated out the leaves that had blown into her yard from my tree, and put those back in my yard.

Unreal.

April 29, 2015

You should explain to him that you have just been diagnosed with a particularly infectious variant of tuberculosis.

I don't have any answers but I can emphasize. My next door neighbor has been the bane of my existence ever since she and her prissy little poodle moved in a couple of years ago. First thing she did was present me with a list of times that I could and could not mow my lawn based on her dog's sleep schedule. She also gave me specific instructions on what to do to rescue the dog if her house ever started on fire while she was a work.

Last summer she accused me of kicking a hole in her fence. (Why would I kick a hole in her fence? Then the prissy dog would be in MY yard!)

She dresses the poodle in hats, scarves, and little skirts and dresses and straps it in a baby stroller and pushes it around the neighborhood twice a day. I kid you not. She has totally missed the point of "walking the dog".

The final straw happened last October. She raked up all the leaves in her front yard and literally separated out the leaves that had blown into her yard from my tree, and put those back in my yard.

Unreal.

Gosh Hope, she sounds like a nut case! I guess I don't have it so bad after all. Too much time on her hands I suppose?

April 29, 2015

Gosh Hope, she sounds like a nut case! I guess I don't have it so bad after all. Too much time on her hands I suppose?

She's just your garden variety suburban whack job, looking for husband #4. Wherever he is, I hope he likes poodles.

Yours sounds a lot worse, actually.

April 29, 2015

Upon reading this thread, the following joke came to mind.

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible.

Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet.

After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. “Name’s Enoch… Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge… Having a party Saturday… Thought you’d like to come.”

“Great,” says Sam, “after 6 months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”

As Enoch is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinking.” “Not a problem… After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”

Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” Damn, Sam thinks… Tough crowd. “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again Enoch turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.” “Now that’s not a problem,” says Sam, “Remember I’ve been alone for 6 months! I’ll definitely be there… By the way, what should I wear?”

Enoch stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”

April 29, 2015

Upon reading this thread, the following joke came to mind.

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet.
After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. “Name’s Enoch… Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge… Having a party Saturday… Thought you’d like to come.”
“Great,” says Sam, “after 6 months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As Enoch is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinking.” “Not a problem… After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”
Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” Damn, Sam thinks… Tough crowd. “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again Enoch turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.” “Now that’s not a problem,” says Sam, “Remember I’ve been alone for 6 months! I’ll definitely be there… By the way, what should I wear?”
Enoch stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”

Maybe I'll try Enoch's approach...

April 29, 2015

I'm pretty sure there's a storm brewing between me and one of my neighbors, so I don't envy you.

But I'd like to see the man who could "live off the land" on one acre. I have five, and I'd have my work cut out for me if I tried that.

April 29, 2015

I'm pretty sure there's a storm brewing between me and one of my neighbors, so I don't envy you.

But I'd like to see the man who could "live off the land" on one acre. I have five, and I'd have my work cut out for me if I tried that.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but people that live off the don't usually enjoy free WiFi at their neighbor's expense I believe. His grand vision includes keeping goats and chickens on his property too! He had the audacity to suggest that I clear an acre so WE could dig a pond to raise OUR own fish....

April 29, 2015

with any luck, rural life wil defeat him

April 29, 2015

I knew of even worse situations. Imagine the same situation, but...the neighbor is instead.....your LANDLORD!

Yep, heard of some creepy landlord stories.

Knew a woman that was on a work visa that was staying at this guys other owned home.

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How to politely tell a neighbor to f**k off, and still remain neighborly

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