katiemiller Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I've been dating a guy for 5 months now and everything is good. However, at the same time we started to have the BF/GF talk, he started a new job with the possibility of him moving 3 hours away in a few months. He told me that he is committed to me and isn't dating anyone else, but he doesn't want to be bf/gf to the point of making professional decisions based on each other. He never corrects me when I call him my boyfriend. I told him if he moves and we do enter into a long distance relationship, that I'd like the security of the title, but he said that the title doesn't matter. He says that a title wouldn't be the reason he didn't cheat on me, etc but because he cares about me. Should I be concerned?
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I'd be a tiny bit concerned but not enough to make that molehill & mountain. Enjoy what you have. The move may never happen. 3 hours isn't that far. See what happens at the 6 month mark. When you do talk explain that the mere label of GF does not mean you expect input into his career decisions.
smackie9 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 He's not "saying" this isn't going to work, but it's a possibility that it won't.
PegNosePete Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 He says that a title wouldn't be the reason he didn't cheat on me, etc but because he cares about me. Then I don't follow his logic of not wanting the titles. His reasoning seems contradictory. Why does a label mean he has to base professional decisions around you, yet it doesn't affect his personal ones? It seems like a pretty weird thing to say, to me.
elaine567 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Seems a bit silly to me, he is seeing you exclusively for months, yet doesn't want to call you his gf. Why not? I get the going away thing and you may not survive the move as a couple, but surely what you are doing at the moment is acting as gf/bf. Gf/bf is not a big step, you are not promising to move in, marry him, bear his children and die in his arms, so the fact he doesn't want to call you his gf, is a bit telling I am afraid. His past relationship history may give you a clue.
Diezel Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 What it means is that if he does move there, he doesn't want to feel guilty for "breaking up" if distance becomes an issue. In his mind, he already has one foot in the door and one foot out the door.
O'Malley Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 He enjoys your time together but like someone already said, he's got one foot out the door and has anticipated an expiration date to this. People who avoid titles (he's just a boyfriend, you haven't made him sign a contract in his blood binding his soul to you for eternity) usually want to enjoy the options they feel that they have when they're single. He doesn't want to feel tied down to you. He's fine to date casually, but your needs are incompatible with what he's willing to provide.
El Pallasso Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 This isn't high school. Are you really going to break up with him over a silly term when you guys are already exclusive? All because someone doesn't want to call you a certain term. It's up to you too decide if you want to do that. I'll say this though. You shouldn't call someone something or say something to them while expecting a certain response from them. You say it because you mean it and want them to know it. Nothing more, nothing less. Stop calling him your boyfriend with the expectations that he will call you his girlfriend. It puts undue pressure on people (I say people because it applies to most people, male or female) and it will only push them further away.
Gary S Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 He should have no problem with the title "girlfriend" at this point... if he loved you, that is. It's not like he asked you to marry him, sheesh
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