Jump to content

Would you ever lend money to someone you're dating?

BlackOpsZombieGirl

By BlackOpsZombieGirl
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

If someone I was dating for a short time asked to borrow money, I would break up with them. I value financial independence and responsibility, and find it totally inappropriate to ask someone you've been dating for a short time to lend you money. That person is obviously someone who I am not compatible with.

 

If we'd been together longer then I would give money as a gift and not expect it to be returned. But then again, the type of person I would choose to be in a long term relationship with, is the kind of person who would return it without being asked. So it's probably a moot point really.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Loans are arms length transactions. They come with things like paperwork. If I was going to loan somebody money, I'd get a signed note in return. Absent that it's a gift. Don't mix the two up & you won't be disappointed. Also don't loan or give money you can't afford to lose.

 

He called it a loan but I knew better. I gave a BF $500 as moving expenses just so he would move out of my house & we could actually break up. It was some of the best money I ever spent & no I never got it back.

  • Like 1
  • Author
BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Loans are arms length transactions. They come with things like paperwork. If I was going to loan somebody money, I'd get a signed note in return. Absent that it's a gift. Don't mix the two up & you won't be disappointed. Also don't loan or give money you can't afford to lose.

 

He called it a loan but I knew better. I gave a BF $500 as moving expenses just so he would move out of my house & we could actually break up. It was some of the best money I ever spent & no I never got it back.

 

Damn, that SUCKS!!!:eek: Even though it was some of the 'best $$ you've ever spent', you still had to PAY to get someone OUT of your house and thus, OUT of your life!

 

It was awkward when my ex-bf moved out of my house last year, I had to wait almost 2 weeks until he had enough $$ to move out; it was weird being around each other when we knew it was over. Even though we were friendly and civil towards each other, it still SUCKED BIG TIME. Looking back, I would've liked to do what you did, and just gave him the $$ so we didn't have to spend a VERY awkward 12 days around each other, sleeping in the same bed and going through almost the same routine every day until he moved out. One thing is for SURE - I'll *never* let a guy move in with me again. EVER. And I'll NEVER live with a guy in his place. EVER. Separate residences is the best bet for me. If things end up going south in the next relationship I'm ever in, there won't be an awkward 'well, time to move out' scenario.

 

 

 

.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
One thing is for SURE - I'll *never* let a guy move in with me again. EVER. And I'll NEVER live with a guy in his place. EVER. Separate residences is the best bet for me.

You said it sista. I never once regretted living separately from my peoples. I mean, you can bring them over all you like or go to their place all you like, you can spend days in bed together if you like but eventually send them home. Why the need to actually cohabitate? Especially considering all the things that can go wrong/be avoided. Never got that.

  • Like 2
  • Author
BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You said it sista. I never once regretted living separately from my peoples. I mean, you can bring them over all you like or go to their place all you like, you can spend days in bed together if you like but eventually send them home. Why the need to actually cohabitate? Especially considering all the things that can go wrong/be avoided. Never got that.

 

 

Exactly. I know now never to do that again. But at the time, it just seemed like a natural step in the progression of our relationship. The first year of us living together went really well, which is what led me to believe that it could stay that way for the long haul. But, people do change, circumstances change and sometimes peoples' feelings can change during the relationship; which can (and most often does) affect the longevity of a cohabitation.

 

 

.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted

To be honest, I would seriously question any man I'm dating if he were to ask me for a loan regardless of the amount.

 

I for one would NEVER ask ANYONE for financial help. Call it pride but I would rather take a second job or cut my living expenses in some way than be on the hook for any kind of loan from anyone including my parents who are both wealthy and very generous. It's just tacky in my opinion.

 

I'm in agreement with those that said if I was to help someone out financially it would be a gift and not a loan. Money has a way of ruining even the best relationships if you're not careful.

  • Like 2
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

Depends on the person and situation.

 

Having said that, I did it before and burned badly, so I will be very cautious if I do it again. BEWARE of con artists when lending money...

 

Regarding the woman and $200: good that she won the case, but is it even worth going to court for such a small amount? Just dumping the guy would be probably good enough and save the court-related time&headaches...

 

 

I saw a court show on tv that had a couple who were dating and the woman was suing the guy because he had borrowed $200 from her and she said he didn't pay her back because he thought she was being kind and 'helping' him out and because they were dating, he felt he shouldn't have to pay her back because he took her out to dinners and such and he had never asked her to pay him back for that.

 

Well, turns out that the plaintiff won the case and the guy was ordered to pay her back the $200 that the judge had determined that he borrowed. I could tell he was pissed off and he was shaking his head as the judge read the verdict. I'm pretty sure she dumped him after that. All I could think about was: What was that woman THINKING???:confused: WHY would she lend a guy ANY money that she barely knew? Had she not taken that guy to court, she would've NEVER gotten her money back! I think she has learned a valuable lesson, that's for sure.

 

Would you ever lend (any amount of) money to someone you were dating?? If you would, why (and how) could you trust a complete stranger to pay you back money that you would lend to them? If you wouldn't, why not?

 

Personally, I would NEVER lend a guy money unless we were in a long term relationship; and even then, I'd make sure that he had the ability to pay me back before I'd lend him any money. Of course, helping someone out by giving them money with no expectation of repayment doesn't count with regard to my question. ;)

 

 

 

.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

She's not a nut, but a thief :(

 

 

The dude that I was dating was "borrowing" money from me with various excuses, and was so good at it that by the the I got rid of him (~6 months), he owed me ~ 7 grand... Very bitter lesson - I'll see my money back when you do, i.e. never.

 

 

Blackops, I lent several hundred dollars to a woman I was dating for 3 months. She was supposed to pay it back by the end of the month. Two weeks later, she threatened to break up with me for the second time (she's a nut!), and I called her bluff and cut contact.

 

A few months later, she received a large six-figure sum of money. She still texts me once in awhile. I have not talked to her, and never will.... nor will I get my money back.

  • Author
BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
She's not a nut, but a thief :(

 

 

The dude that I was dating was "borrowing" money from me with various excuses, and was so good at it that by the the I got rid of him (~6 months), he owed me ~ 7 grand... Very bitter lesson - I'll see my money back when you do, i.e. never.

 

SEVEN THOUSAND freakin' DOLLARS?!?!?!?:eek::confused::sick::confused:HOLY BALLS!!!!:eek: He must've really charmed them dollars right out of ya!! My God... And here I was feeling an immense pity for Gary! You're just wayyyyy too kindhearted and giving. I know you said you've learned this 'very bitter lesson'; I hope so!:confused:

 

 

 

.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

Oh it was more but I managed to compensate a bit in the end.

 

His strategy: made me consign a lease with him (after 4 weeks of dating, with the excuse that his leave-in ex is abusing him). In the following 5 months I had to paid it all (lease, utilities, furniture, food, medical expenses of his, ... You name it). And I had these legal ties with him (the freaking lease), so I couldn't get out...

 

I feel like a dumb a.s just thinking about it but this dude was a professional liar, charismatic, and found me in a very weak point of my life, so he took total advantage. I'm soooooo glad he is a PAST!!

 

SEVEN THOUSAND freakin' DOLLARS?!?!?!?:eek::confused::sick::confused:HOLY BALLS!!!!:eek: He must've really charmed them dollars right out of ya!! My God... And here I was feeling an immense pity for Gary! You're just wayyyyy too kindhearted and giving. I know you said you've learned this 'very bitter lesson'; I hope so!:confused:

 

 

 

.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
Damn, that SUCKS!!!:eek: Even though it was some of the 'best $$ you've ever spent', you still had to PAY to get someone OUT of your house and thus, OUT of your life!

 

It was awkward when my ex-bf moved out of my house last year, I had to wait almost 2 weeks until he had enough $$ to move out; it was weird being around each other when we knew it was over. Even though we were friendly and civil towards each other, it still SUCKED BIG TIME. Looking back, I would've liked to do what you did, and just gave him the $$ so we didn't have to spend a VERY awkward 12 days around each other, sleeping in the same bed and going through almost the same routine every day until he moved out. One thing is for SURE - I'll *never* let a guy move in with me again. EVER. And I'll NEVER live with a guy in his place. EVER. Separate residences is the best bet for me. If things end up going south in the next relationship I'm ever in, there won't be an awkward 'well, time to move out' scenario. .

 

Sadly we still went through about a week of living under the same roof. I worked a lot & banished him to the guest room. I even drove him to the airport . I just wanted him out of my life & anything I could do to make that go faster I was willing.

 

As somebody reminded me at the time: it's only money & a small price to pay for my sanity.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted

This is something that I have sadly fallen into every single time... ending up with men who are incredibly financially irresponsible.

 

 

Lending money, buying their gas, paying their bills... always being told "I'll pay you back"

 

 

No. Never happened.

 

 

Could kick myself sometimes for being such an idiot

  • Like 1
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)

I learned my lesson with that when I loaned some money years ago in college and now follow the rule: never lend more money than you can afford to lose.

 

Someone I'm casually dating, no. I wouldn't ask them for any money either. If we're serious I would be willing to look at the situation, but knowing the kind of men I date, the only reason they'd need money is something small like oops forgot my wallet or oops this place is cash only spot me a $20 and I wouldn't expect it back. But I doubt they'd need to borrow hundreds of dollars or thousands and once it gets into that range I'd likely suggest something else or think of it as a gift if for some reason I loaned it. But I think it's often bad practice to be lending lots of money if you're dating.

 

If we're married and what's yours is mine then likely if you need a large sum of money it's for something that will benefit me as well so we can split it, but if we're just dating and have separate finances and so on, no. I wouldn't ask a guy I'm dating and wouldn't expect him to ask me. That's a huge turn off for me personally.

Edited by MissBee
contact1 Established Member

contact1

Posted
Posted

Lend money when starting out dating? Very likely not, unless it was like 5 bucks or something, than I wouldn't lend, would be more like "sure I got it for you" type thing. When things move into a long term relationship, honestly I don't think I would even feel right "lending", because it than leaves that awkwardness of me wondering when I would get paid back, and of her trying to pay me back so that she doesn't feel like she "owes" me something. If she needed help and the amount isn't going to break or affect me significantly, I would probably just pay for it.

 

Course there has to be a careful balance. If things always keep coming up where she needs more things helped out with, than it will be an issue. I would definitely like whomever I am with to be financially responsible. If the car breaks down or an unexpected medical bills comes up, very understandable. But if she can't pay her cell phone bill because she just had to get a new pair of shoes, well I hope she enjoys using the pay phone :laugh:

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

So funnily the con artist that I described here contacted me to discuss the "money matters". I haven't been talking to him since I managed to escape (break up is a light word for our situation).

 

Is it wise to contact him to see if he really plans to return me some part of his debt, or avoid him because this can be just another plot?

 

Oh it was more but I managed to compensate a bit in the end.

 

His strategy: made me consign a lease with him (after 4 weeks of dating, with the excuse that his leave-in ex is abusing him). In the following 5 months I had to paid it all (lease, utilities, furniture, food, medical expenses of his, ... You name it). And I had these legal ties with him (the freaking lease), so I couldn't get out...

 

I feel like a dumb a.s just thinking about it but this dude was a professional liar, charismatic, and found me in a very weak point of my life, so he took total advantage. I'm soooooo glad he is a PAST!!

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...