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Would you ever lend money to someone you're dating?

BlackOpsZombieGirl

By BlackOpsZombieGirl
in General Relationship Discussion

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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I saw a court show on tv that had a couple who were dating and the woman was suing the guy because he had borrowed $200 from her and she said he didn't pay her back because he thought she was being kind and 'helping' him out and because they were dating, he felt he shouldn't have to pay her back because he took her out to dinners and such and he had never asked her to pay him back for that.

 

Well, turns out that the plaintiff won the case and the guy was ordered to pay her back the $200 that the judge had determined that he borrowed. I could tell he was pissed off and he was shaking his head as the judge read the verdict. I'm pretty sure she dumped him after that. All I could think about was: What was that woman THINKING???:confused: WHY would she lend a guy ANY money that she barely knew? Had she not taken that guy to court, she would've NEVER gotten her money back! I think she has learned a valuable lesson, that's for sure.

 

Would you ever lend (any amount of) money to someone you were dating?? If you would, why (and how) could you trust a complete stranger to pay you back money that you would lend to them? If you wouldn't, why not?

 

Personally, I would NEVER lend a guy money unless we were in a long term relationship; and even then, I'd make sure that he had the ability to pay me back before I'd lend him any money. Of course, helping someone out by giving them money with no expectation of repayment doesn't count with regard to my question. ;)

 

 

 

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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lend? any borrower who keeps doing it sees the lender as an obliging tap, seen it a few times, the lender is kind of parenting his irresonpsible other half

 

i have seen guys with entitlement complexes, they make crap boyfs, he can't or won't pay you back on time, you argue, so your love weakens

 

a one off is still a bit meh, like the man can't make it on his own

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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I wouldn't lend money to a stranger, no, but like you said, I might give it to them to an extent, as long as I knew it wasn't just a con. (And I can smell that sh*t a mile away.)

 

I'm not really one to watch the bottom line all that closely. :)

  • Like 4
losangelena Established Member

losangelena

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Noooope. Not until we're married, and our finances are joint finances.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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I wouldn't lend money to a stranger, no, but like you said, I might give it to them to an extent, as long as I knew it wasn't just a con. (And I can smell that sh*t a mile away.)

 

I'm not really one to watch the bottom line all that closely. :)

 

Right, and I agree. But giving someone money doesn't count!:p

 

You say you're not one to watch the bottom line all that much - so, if you were dating a guy for a week or two, and he asked you if he could borrow $100 or $200 (for whatever reason) and he promised to pay you back, would you lend it to him?

 

 

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Shining One Established Member

Shining One

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Dating, certainly not. In the relationship phase, I would judge it on a case by case basis. I'd loan my girlfriend a considerable amount if she needed it.

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wizer Established Member

wizer

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Some people can be manipulative, others can be gullible.

 

As ridiculous as those Nigerian scams are, people fall for them all the time, that's why we keep getting those emails.

 

Throw in the emotions and stressors in the dating game, and a few good con artists who know how to play on emotions and well, you've got yourself a deal.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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I never lend money to anyone.

 

If I can afford to lend, I can afford to give, so I do.

 

I gave somebody £500 a few years ago and forgot all about it, but I got a cheque in the post from them a couple of weeks ago, and that was nice.

 

Pay it forward.

  • Like 13
Lernaean_Hydra Established Member

Lernaean_Hydra

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No. This is actually a big pet peeve of mine and one of my major dealbreakers. I don't lend money to anybody anymore given that I've been burned a few times by it in the past.

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fardaxel Member

fardaxel

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I think it would depend on how long you'd been dating. If they ask for money on the first date, that'd be a red flag!

 

Maybe...$100? That way, if you never see it again, it didn't cost much to get rid of them.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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I would if i felt he really needed me to.......if we broke up before he paid me back...i would take that loss with the break up......money isnt the most important thing in my life...less stress is more important and the less i worry about...the better....deb

  • Like 3
h0000 Established Member

h0000

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It's only $200 for god's sake. I'd give it to my bf if he needs it and won't even ask him to pay me back.

If it's $200k for investment then I'd ask for a share of the revenue.

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Vercetti Established Member

Vercetti

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Sure, give me your gold and silver and I'll loan you 20% under melt; 10% over to get it back.

planb1973 Established Member

planb1973

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I jokingly asked my GF to borrow some money the other day. She simply said "sure how much". I laughed told her I was joking and that I never would borrow $ from a GF, it lowers the attraction level. Her response "It really does"!

 

Seriously borrowing money from your girlfriend spells LOSER! And lending $ to a girlfriend spells better get a second job, I'm going to need a lot more $! If you need to borrow $ go to the bank.

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Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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I never lend money to anyone.

 

If I can afford to lend, I can afford to give, so I do.

 

I gave somebody £500 a few years ago and forgot all about it, but I got a cheque in the post from them a couple of weeks ago, and that was nice.

 

Pay it forward.

 

Agree Satu, I would give, not lend.

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Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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Sure, give me your gold and silver and I'll loan you 20% under melt; 10% over to get it back.

 

:lmao: ten kittens

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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Blackops, I lent several hundred dollars to a woman I was dating for 3 months. She was supposed to pay it back by the end of the month. Two weeks later, she threatened to break up with me for the second time (she's a nut!), and I called her bluff and cut contact.

 

A few months later, she received a large six-figure sum of money. She still texts me once in awhile. I have not talked to her, and never will.... nor will I get my money back.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Right, and I agree. But giving someone money doesn't count!:p

 

You say you're not one to watch the bottom line all that much - so, if you were dating a guy for a week or two, and he asked you if he could borrow $100 or $200 (for whatever reason) and he promised to pay you back, would you lend it to him?

 

 

.

 

No, but I'd probably give it to him if I didn't smell a rat. (And I assume if there were a rat in the house I'd already know and I wouldn't be dating him.)

 

It does sound like a strange scenario honestly. I can't really imagine that situation playing out.

 

But yeah, lending and borrowing between couples just seems strange to me and I'd never get into that. Too business-like. Either you're close enough to me to have my money or you're not close enough to even ask for it.

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toolforgrowth Established Member

toolforgrowth

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My GF had a tight month a couple months back and asked to borrow $20 from me. It was only $20, so I said sure. As soon as she got paid she paid me back.

 

The entire time she was asking I could tell she hated doing it. But I trusted her because she's proven herself to be trustworthy.

 

It's the only time she's ever asked, so I don't anticipate it being a recurring thing.

  • Like 1
No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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I don't lend money to anyone. Sure, I don't mind paying the first round for me and my buddies and stuff like that, but a stranger? Never.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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Blackops, I lent several hundred dollars to a woman I was dating for 3 months. She was supposed to pay it back by the end of the month. Two weeks later, she threatened to break up with me for the second time (she's a nut!), and I called her bluff and cut contact.

 

A few months later, she received a large six-figure sum of money. She still texts me once in awhile. I have not talked to her, and never will.... nor will I get my money back.

 

Seriously?! She received all that money and didn't pay you back? What a LOSER (and a nut) she is!!! Curious...how did you know she got that lump sum of cash? Did she 'text' you and tell you about it? You learned a tough lesson, unfortunately.

 

 

@h0000: My question was if you'd lend money to a person you were DATING and haven't known for very long, not a boyfriend. ;)

 

 

@Deb & Satu: You guys have a good heart and it's awesome that this is your philosophy with regard to this topic. I'd like to be giving like that, but I don't make that sizable of an income to be that generous; I have children to provide for and after bills and rent are paid, there's only some of it left to put away and to spend on essentials and going on outings occasionally.

 

 

@Lernaean: I can definitely understand that. I've lent money to people before and trusted them when they said they'd pay me back. One of them had a legit excuse as to why they couldn't pay me back what they borrowed but the rest of them just didn't care enough to honor their word. This is why I'd only give money to family members and my best friend if they needed it. If I'm ever in a LTR and my boyfriend really needed the money, I'd give it to him.

 

 

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  • Like 2
DJOkawari Established Member

DJOkawari

Posted
Posted (edited)

Similar to how some users have been saying, I have given to a number of people with the trust and understanding that they would either return the money or return the favor one day. Of course, neither is guaranteed, we have no contracts. I may get burned once or twice but so far each person that has had the means has, without my asking repaid me an amount that they thought was sufficient (it has always been more than I expected). Of course I had a close relationship with each of these people before anything was agreed to.

 

Their lives were eased significantly and my life wasn't negatively impacted as I would never agree to an amount of that magnitude. I admit, I've been blessed with good experiences but I also think that I would like to live in a world where this manner of thinking was possible, so even if I was burned once, I would not change a thing. Your reality is the group of people who chooses to exist and interact with you each day, the ones who would take the money and run have done just that...you can be happy that they aren't part of your reality because, wouldn't we all like to live in a world where we can trust everyone?

Edited by DJOkawari
  • Like 2
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Its always the same story....

 

When does a gift become a loan?

 

When you break up....

 

TFY

  • Like 1
Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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At least half the episodes of those courtroom shows are exactly this scenario.

 

No, I wouldn't loan money. If the person needed it desperately, and I could afford it, I would give it.

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Its always the same story....

 

When does a gift become a loan?

 

When you break up....

 

TFY

 

This is so very true...

 

My ex forgot about all the times he didn't contribute towards the household bills etc when he left... He forgot about the times I gave him money to repair his van or brought parts etc for him.

 

I paid him back but he didn't pay me back!

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