amers619 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Be patient. This is a long story and perhaps writing it all out for your review and input will provide clarity. I met my ex at the end of May 2014. I had been single for about two years. He and his ex-wife in process of divorce (10yrs married - she cheated on him) and had been separated for about 8mo. We became "exclusive" pretty much immediately. He was introducing me to all his friends and family. Our kids were spending time together and we were all spending time together (he has two boys and I have one). He was always very affectionate and attentive and I didn't question his loyalty. Never blew me off or was ever withdrawn. Then. All the sudden at the end of September 2014 he broke up with me. I was blind sighted and devastated. Pretty much via text message and a phone call. Citing that he felt he "rushed into things" and wasn't "ready for a relationship" We tried the friends thing. It didn't work so well. Because I had fallen so much in love with this guy. He rejoined the dating site we met on pretty much immediately post break up and when I said something to him about it he said he "did it to see if I would freak out" (awesome, right?) Well, move forward to mid November... I found out I was pregnant. I told him. And he pretty much said he wanted zero to do with me or he baby and would even go to the extreme to sign his rights away. We had very few conversations after that. He wanted it all to be through lawyers. In January, when I was about 17wks along I was in a horrific car accident. It resulted in placental abruption and I lost the baby. I had decided at that point that I wasn't going to tell him. Let him sweat and wonder and worry and stew. Because if he didn't desire to be there for me or his own child he didn't deserve any relief because uncertainly wasn't getting any. Then after a month I felt so guilty. I sent him an email telling him that I had lost the baby. It was a girl. He has said nothing to me. I have reached out to him a few times over the last few months to no avail. All of his friends and everything view him as a saint. I don't understand how someone who said and claimed they cared so deeply for another person could treat them with such disdain and disregard. It hurts so badly. I miss him and I still love him even though he has treated me this way. I don't know that I would take him back but I have wanted closure and acknowledgement and compassion and empathy to be displayed. It has come to my attention recently that he has a new gf. She lives about 3.5hr away. Not totally sure how I feel about that but doesn't totally surprise me. I hate that I go through these waves of pain and hurt and missing him and wishing he would just speak to me. I just want it to stop. When I think of him I want to not have any sadness tied to it. It's been seven damn months since it ended. That's longer than we were even together. I wish I hated him. Because then at least I wouldn't cry every time I think about the last night we spent together.
ephemeralme Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 amers619-- sooo sooo sorry for your loss....your baby. and, with all hope you are well and recovered from the accident. As for the ex- the emotionally unavailable ex- he is no chameleon. his true colors were and are evident by what you write. He charmed you, gained your love and trust and then... bailed. why, because he isn't emotionally and wasn't emotionally available. I call people like this; the ones who surf.. they ride the surf but never dive. they can't. they need the stuff of delight and ease, but when the real part if intimacy starts to reveal itself...they leave. you are fortunate that he did you a favor and left; rather than keep you in a carrot's dangle away. It hurts, and it is still unfathomable how people do what they do.... but this board is full of the horrors of relationships and the nasty hurtful things people do to the ones they *love* IMO, you also endured a tragedy... you were pregnant by him and lost that baby. this is an emotional trauma; and while it is a painful...it also bonded you to him because it was his child too. The letting go of that and not having a kind, loving and supportive partner just makes it that much harder. be kind to yourself, try to find a counselor who can help you with some of your emotions and dealing with the trauma as well.( if you have the $ to do so. or try to seek out some community resources for this through your doctors office)... mostly, if you can; focus on you and the positive in your life. Let him go, sweetie... no MAN of dignity, self respect or with a conscience would behave the way he did. ((hugs))
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