Would this be the start of a second chance?

[Flozfzx]

After 9 month of breakup and 4 months of not seeing her i or contact met up with my ex we were together for 8years. Shes seeing and talking to another guy.which sucks but i love her

 

Last weekend i was in the mall shopping just trying to get my mind distracted of thinking of her so much because after 8 years being with her it takes a while to heal. She randomly text me out if the blues and told me she hates her life and that i hope im happy shes been telling me shes been depress and is sad all the time. I told her didnt you mention to me that your new man makes you happy? She didnt reply.

 

So later i told her if she wanted to get together and have a date if not let me know i have to run. She got piss when i mention that. But she agree. She said sunday but flaked on me but met on monday for breakfast which wasnt much of a date but more like just to talk.

 

When i met her for coffee monday morning and we talk i gave her a hug and hug her for a while i also went for a kiss and she accepted. She said we cant do that said it joking. I told her she look great as always. i said something as a joke and she started to crack up and teared up laughing

 

i told her if we can rebuild slowly the relationship and see where it goes. She told me shes dating a guy and doesnt want to hurt him just because you want back in her life I told her if we can date once a week she agree too it. She also mention that the guy is a complete oppsite of me. But very good to her. I told her she cant compare 8 years with new start i explain to her i got lazy in the relationship.

 

Shes more open and not cold she been reaching out and ask me about about my gym and other things that make no sense because we would cross paths in person.

 

I know shes with someone else but when i saw her she was sad and at the sametime happy to see me. I really want her back and rebuild but i dunno where is this heading it looks good but current trends lead to future events. Any feeds back .

Edited April 28, 2015 by Flozfzx

[Shaun777]

I'm sorry to hear your story but it isn't uncommon. She is playing you, the fact that you both are broken up says a lot and she is feeding off the highs she gets from you. Those highs are not true care or compassion, she needs validation in which she is probably not getting from the new man in her life.

 

The fact that she is still with him means she has no real desire in rekindling any relationship with you. You are supplying her emotional needs, while he is getting her physical affection. You are projecting what you hope and feel on her, it is not reality. You are living in the past, her feelings have changed and she is playing you, because she can.

 

She is using you as her therapist. You are her backup plan until she either gets the new guy to fill the void or she finds someone else. This is common practice with many women, men as well. I personally have experienced this and promised myself never to get caught up in this type of situation again.

 

You are her doormat and backup plan, you need to move on with your life, you deserve better. Find a woman who will love you and not use you to feed her ego. She is treating you like her male girlfriend, you have been exiled to friend zone.

 

Remember, don't listen to what she says, watch what she does. I wish you the best.

[DJOkawari]

No one can tell except for you, but I want you to consider the idea that she is just weaning herself off of you and eventually going to leave you. It is much easier than to leave someone and make something new. I have been here.

 

Think of your situation: there is another guy. She is sleeping with him. They have a life together. When she isn't with you, she is often with him. They are making memories, meeting up many more than just 1 time a week. She tells him she loves him. You wait all week just to see her once. You're a small part of her new life. She's a big part of your current life.

 

I think you should maintain respect for yourself and tell her, that it's great that she wanted to meet up but this situation isn't good enough for you...unless it is? It doesn't seem like she's in any rush to change the situation...if she was she would leave that guy and work on your relationship.

 

She feels no guilt in this situation, for how she is treating the other guy or you. Really think about that.

 

In addition to what Shaun777 has said above, even if she is kissing you and even if you guys do have a physical relationship, it doesn't really matter. If she leaves the other guy for you and apologizes to you (don't ask her to, just tell her you aren't happy in this situation) then you know she's serious.

[Satu]

 

 

 

*She told me shes dating a guy and doesnt want to hurt him just because you want back in her life I told her if we can date once a week she agree too it. She also mention that the guy is a complete oppsite of me. But very good to her.

 

*I know shes with someone else but when i saw her she was sad and at the sametime happy to see me. I really want her back and rebuild but i dunno where is this heading it looks good but current trends lead to future events. Any feeds back .

 

Until she has actually parted company with him, all you've got is a ticket to misery.

 

*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

[Mrlonelyone]

OP. all of the above is good advice. However, I want to ask about something all of the above have simply assumed.

 

Has there been any physical contact beyond that which is friendly. In particular you mention a "hug and a kiss". Is that a kiss on the lips with tounge, full body frontal contact etc? Have you had sex with this woman any time lately? If so then you should not go NC on her.

 

I say that if you have had sex with her going NC, defriending, etc etc etc will be making her go to him for sex. Right now, for all we know she could be just holding this other guys hand while banging the OP.

[DJOkawari]

I don't think banging the OP makes the situation any better for him. She's still in transition. Eventually she'll move on completely. Obviously, we don't know the OP's situation beyond what was told to us but in my own life I have been there. Getting sex but the gal still moving on. I don't think it really proves anything.

Edited April 28, 2015 by DJOkawari

[Flozfzx]

Shes been texting me alot and being more open. She went directly to a rebound relationship. I did hurt her and i was being stupid with my actions. The last two years. I party a lot and i actually broke up with her and i regretted it and asked her back she said no but it was my fault as a man that i didnt notice my relationship falling a part and not stopping it. And she got tired of my bull**** and i dont blame her. Shes been dating the guy for 2 months and a half i know for sure they kiss but not go futher i know the type of women she is my gut feeling also tells they didnt get physical. Im assuming shes starting to realize how great we were together. Her pain i caused her is starting to subside. I think she wants to work things out but just the other guy. I dunno honestly i do truty love her and would want her back. I dont want to NC because i did that for 4?months. I just honest think the rebound is not working. Plus i know its not her type but i dunno

 

She want to meet up this weekend. What should i do anyone with similar experience out there got any suggestion i dont want to cut her off completely.

[Mrlonelyone]

If you want to get back with her meet her this weekend. See what she has to say. Meeting could be to tell you in person that it's totally over. Meeting could be to tell you in person she wants a second chance. Go to the meeting and be prepared for either outcome.

 

If she wants a second chance state clearly what you want from her.

 

 

If you don't want to get back with her don't meet her, go NC, and move on. There is no reason to go to a meeting with her or even to talk to her at all if you don't want a relationship.

[Shaun777]

I don't think banging the OP makes the situation any better for him. She's still in transition. Eventually she'll move on completely. Obviously, we don't know the OP's situation beyond what was told to us but in my own life I have been there. Getting sex but the gal still moving on. I don't think it really proves anything.

 

I totally agree, and have been their myself, it's just a matter of time before she moves on completely leaving you guessing what truly happened.

[Paidtheprice]

I think you have a good shot! You just have to change your approach. I believe that the reason she's agreeing to see you is because she genuinely misses you and or what you had in the relationship. Most rebounds are doomed from the get go. What I think you're doing wrong is that you want to move to fast. I would stay away from the word DATE or most talk about the past relationship or establishing a future relationship. Those words or topics will scare a woman away. The strongest negotiating position so the ability to walk away and never look back! You need to believe that and let her know. There is a book I read that really helped me, its called How To Become 3% Man by Corey Wayne. I recommend that you read it. By the way, I was in a similar situation as yours and we are now married...

 

Best regards

[Twigyy]

I think you have a good shot! You just have to change your approach. I believe that the reason she's agreeing to see you is because she genuinely misses you and or what you had in the relationship. Most rebounds are doomed from the get go. What I think you're doing wrong is that you want to move to fast. I would stay away from the word DATE or most talk about the past relationship or establishing a future relationship. Those words or topics will scare a woman away. The strongest negotiating position so the ability to walk away and never look back! You need to believe that and let her know. There is a book I read that really helped me, its called How To Become 3% Man by Corey Wayne. I recommend that you read it. By the way, I was in a similar situation as yours and we are now married...

 

Best regards

 

Corey Wayne's stuff are OK, but not recommended. Most people who watches his stuff usually lose themselves and cling onto the hope that their exes will come back, that they are in a rebound, etc. Thus they end up pursuing when their exes barely sent a couple of texts.

 

And in this case, OP keeps asking for dates, or even reconciliation when his ex didn't even say anything about getting back together.

 

I would suggest to do proper NC before thinking about anything else, especially about reconciliation with an ex. I doubt you've developed the right mindset when doing your NC, when you're still wandering around in a mall thinking about her after 9 months..