Ninjainpajamas Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 (edited) Well, we could get into why we married but I think it goes into an area that is a bit off topic. I'm more interested in how to deal with these issues or loyalty and honesty in a relationship. My Mom is very much to herself actually. But in the final analysis, they just didn't like each other, that simple. It's actually a little difficult to remember specifics at this point because this was quite a while ago! Ok, here is one, my wife said some derogatory comments about some other members of my family that offended my Mom. It caused friction and I was caught in the middle. In my mind, I thought it was common sense to not put down family to your MIL!! Other times my Mom did step over a line and I did say something. bach, they only want to go into detail because they want to form a personal understanding, point of view and emotional response to your situation. They're going to personalize it and tell how they are going to deal with or how their relationship works or how they work. There is no further advice that you are going to get with details, it's just to satiate their own curiosity and provide them with some kind of direction to perpetuate their point of view...which isn't practical, just their own opinion. The problem is, they are not your wife, and to me it's pretty clear what kind of wife you have, or at least the situation you are dealing with in these circumstances. There are lies and then there are white or necessarily lies...these are the kinds of lies that women expect; - Am I fat? no - Am I beautiful? yes - Am I skinny? yes - Am I more beautiful than any other girl in the world? of course - Do you think I'm hard to deal with? of course not - Do you think I'm wrong? No of course not honey - Do you agree with my overall outlook on life and with all of my values/requirements? of course I do, you're perfectly reasonable and that's why we get along - Do you think she is wrong and I am right? yes, you are right, she is wrong and a bad person bach, women are all about self-esteem/insecurity, emotions, and their own customisable preferences that only they understand and those are what they call "values" They're also about hope, positive thinking, positive reinforcement and encouragement...they expect those kinds. Where as a man could just do with maybe the positive reinforcement and occasional compliment...which let's be realistic, how often do women complain about what they don't have rather than address what the men in their lives are lacking? they're the squeaky wheel, so they get the grease the majority of the time time...half of women think they're pretty awesome by default, just by being in your presence, after all that's why she thinks you are with her, you must get something out of it right? but not because they could actually tell you why they are awesome for men or you and not just to themselves. This is another reality you'll have to get used to and understand. It's not that all women are reasonable or reasonable in whatever the situation is, it doesn't matter. The reality is, it will do you no good to know whether she's right or wrong, if she thinks she is right that's all that matters...unless she's open or doubting whether she is right about something, but you can't crack open that lid with your trusty man-logic can opener. You need to learn where and when to pick and choose your battles, and if you're not the type of guy who can put your foot down that a woman actually respects enough not to cross you or throw you under the bus like that...if you're like most guys, then you've got to learn to play the game of "white lies" because I can tell you even the strongest and wisest of men have to at some point bite their tongue with their wives and at least think she's getting her way and that's she is right...and for the most part that's what she wants (however, don't underestimate women in this regard either...trust me, they got you figured out head to toe in some areas that you'll never understand about them) If you keep digging down into that feeling that you are right, that this isn't fair, that this isn't the way things should be...well then you shouldn't have got married, you lost your choice and veto power as a man once you got married. You are now married to a woman, however reasonable or unreasonable she may be, that's your woman...that's the girl you've got to make happy or you're going to suffer....every married guy knows that, you think they do it because they want to and because they would naturally behave like that? of course not, married men are a watered down version of the single man they would be, if they could do, say, think and behave exactly how they want and felt. You're married now, you lost that fight...people will tell you how "healthy relationships" would work, but nobody is really healthy. They just don't see things for how they really are, they couldn't tell you the balance or dynamic of their relationship for what it really is, only for how they see it. So be smarter than that, realize what's going on here, look around and try to see what works at the end of the day...you may be disappointed, but you're not going to change it or women, be frustrated, but at the end of the day you'll only end up fighting yourself...men always lose those fights in relationships or marriages, you can't win it and do it your way, even if your way is the right way. Right or wrong is irrelevant, once you get that through your head you'll start to see things for what they really are...at least to women. Understanding women is not a science, it's an art...it's a counter intuitive process for a man that is modified based on the emotional level and sense of that particular woman. Edited April 30, 2015 by Ninjainpajamas
lollipopspot Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Most women don't care about right or wrong, they simply want you to be on their side and agree with them... It's not like two guys who can work it out and reach a compromise Oh yeah, that's why most murders and other violence is committed by men. "Working it out." Right. bach, women are all about self-esteem/insecurity, emotions, and their own customisable preferences that only they understand and those are what they call "values" I actually really question your values and sense of right and wrong, with how thoroughly you have managed to scapegoat 1/2 of the population for whatever emotional issues you have suffered. Prejudice like this leads to injustice, and you really seem to enjoy taking it out some bitterness on women here. 1
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