libralovesick Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Hello all, my story goes something like this: i met a great guy at work and we became close. we both had relationships that had ended so we began talking. a month into it, i'm falling and he gets arrested. I stay with him alittle over a year and supported him, visited him, wrote him, we were good (considering the situation). he finally came home a few months ago and we made the decision to get a place together. I took out a loan and we found a beautiful apartment together. I couldn't tell you when, but at one point or another things got rocky. he ended up losing his job, became very negative, and we were just entirely too stressed out. He got another job... then we fought over him expecting me to take him to work everyday early in the morning. we fought over me wanting to go to my parent's for dinner on a weekend day. we fought because he said i should have enough respect for him that i would come home at a decent time from shopping with my mom. i felt like he was putting me on a time limit... each time we fought, we calmed down, talked about it, and said it wouldn't happen again..... except it did. we then fought about tv shows, movies, dinner, etc. it was petty and i just couldn't do it anymore. meanwhile, my school assignments were being neglected since i just wasn't in the right mindset to complete them. finally, i decided to pack a bag and go to my parent's house after work one evening. we had talked that morning and he said that it was okay because he knew i had to get a project done. i did just that, i turned my phone off, relaxed, got my work done, and just before bed i find out he had gone to the ER because he wasn't feeling good. all the while i have an extensive amount of voicemails and texts from him. he left a message saying he was catching a bus to come back up to the apartment. i send him a message saying hope you feel better, talk to you tomorrow love you. the next day i go to work and try to do my job.. i go back to my parent's house still not knowing what to do. he's a good guy and i know i was killing him by not talking. i find out then that my father had answered one of his calls that day and had explained to him that i need time and space for school and myself, etc. he then texts me to tell me he understands but to please just talk to him. all the emotions i was feeling, i broke up with him. i didn't know what else to do. the next day i couldn't get him off my mind. he was being so nice and sweet and i felt like i made a huge mistake. that night i went to a play and he wanted me to come over to talk- we ended up saying our goodbyes. the next morning there were no calls no messages, nothing from him and it really hurt. I missed him already. half way through the day i text him asking him what he wanted to say to me if i had come over. he asked if i'd come over that night. I did- not even knowing what i wanted. we sat and cried and talked... i gave him an ultimatum and said i'd stay at my parents for a while to work things out and that we'd still be together and see eachother a few days a week. of course he agreed and i was glad because i don't want to be alone and of course missed him in my life after only a day. here we are about 5 weeks later. the second job that he started pretty much fired him.... rent hasn't been paid for this month and he has pretty much fallen apart. since my name is still on the lease i decided to contribute what i had towards it. just recently, things have been great. we've laughed, we've held eachother, we've felt like us again but there's still things that hold me back: my money isn't the greatest right now because of schoolwork and only working part time, etc. i can't afford to go into more debt because i'm worried about rent and nothing else. also, his food stamps don't renew again until next month- i'd be responsible for food and toiletries as well. he had an interview for a new job today and he says it's pretty secure- i'm so happy for that but i'm so afraid that he won't stay there or he'll blow money on things he doesn't need. i didn't mention an age difference of about 15 years. this never mattered to me but i truly feel like he wants my undivided attention and right now i just can't give that to him. i can't play wife right now- i need to graduate, maintain my health, continue my good job, etc. my parents say he's bringing me down and draining me.... they say that i HAVE tried and it's okay that it's not working out right now. my thoughts are, did i really try if i didn't move back in with him? how do i know that things will go back to being bad? how do i know that he WILL give me that time for schoolwork if i didn't give living together a second chance. i'm honestly so afraid to leave home right now.... i'm scared and don't know what to do. i've made pros and cons lists, i've prayed, i've done everything. now he brought up that he's sick of waiting for me because it's killing him. he says that things should've been worked out weeks ago and he can't wait anymore. he said a decision needs to be made soon or he's leaving. i don't want to lose him because i love him and we've been through so much. do i give it another shot? i broke up with him last night and we talked for hours and i eventually changed my mind. my question is what instinct do i go with? do i go back to him because i love him? do i stay with my parents?
DJOkawari Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 now he brought up that he's sick of waiting for me because it's killing him. he says that things should've been worked out weeks ago and he can't wait anymore. he said a decision needs to be made soon or he's leaving. i don't want to lose him because i love him and we've been through so much. do i give it another shot? I think this is the telling portion here. Do you think it is healthy for him to force you to make a decision right now? I don't think so. Obviously you don't know what you want, things have been tough, you're really emotional. Take some time to let it cool down and make a real decision. Timing is important but if you believe in what you have, he'll still be there when you've thought things through. What I mean to say is, if he's worth all of this trouble aren't you worth of the trouble of having some time to figure this out? Take responsibility for your mental state and the state of your life. When you decide on what to do, make sure you know precisely why you're doing it. Flip-flopping hurts the most. 1
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