Heartbroken

[callme007]

First time poster here ...

Lemme give you the background ...

 

Almost 2 years ago I met this girl while I was looking to buy a car. When I met her there was this instant connection that I have never felt before - just indescribable is the only way i can say it. My mum was with me and she mentioned that she saw that this girl (let's call her Monica - not her real name) fancied me. Straight away I started messaging her (I mean 5 mins after saying goodbye to her).

Over the course of the coming weeks we started communicating more and more ... just asking usual getting-to-know you stuff (I have to say that she isn't based in the same city usually - she travels about 80-90% of her time).

Over the course of the following weeks and then months we start sharing more and more intimate things, and the number of texts go up to about 60-70 a DAY for months. She also helped me when my mother became very sick and eventually passed away.

She opened up to me like she said she never has before with anyone - we are both late-30's. She told me that I was the only one ever who saw her real persona and that when we met up again a few months later she told me that it was so easy to talk to me with no pretenses and that I opened up a side of her that she never knew existed. She also paid me the greatest compliment I've ever had - someone asked her why she wasn't married and she said "i've not met my (my name} yet" ... when she told me that I was staggered.

I confided in a friend of mine about some of what was exchanged and she said that "Monica is in love with you, and you're falling in love with her too. She's got it bad".

Now ... i have to make mention of the fact that I'm married - the wife was also there when i met M (so M knows I'm married), and she knew all about our conversations - since at this point nothing untoward has occurred. M also talked to me about her past relationships and how hard it was to maintain one since she traveled a lot. She also told me she had recently started seeing someone - and told me it was a 50% sexual relationship (her words), and i told her that it's a purely sexual thing and that the odds are it won't last.

Eventually I told M that i had feelings for her and asked her how she felt about me ... she said she loved me.

Over the next few weeks we kept saying "i miss you" "i love you" "am thinking of you" (we never slept together or even became physical at all). We had arranged to have dinner one day when she was in town, and that morning she told me she couldn't meet up as she wouldn't be able to control herself and she wouldn't be able to hurt my wife but she had thought about starting a life with me and how she loves me but shouldn't but can't stop etc. Also, her partner unexpectedly came in to town (they had a fight the night before), without invitation, or warning or anything. I told her that was selfish etc but that it basically killed M and me. M said "I don;t know what to do" when i told her we should end (me basically stepping aside), but continue as friends etc.

Then one day the wife could see that something was up and i explained that i was in love with another woman and i explained it all to her. I told M that i had told the wife and she said "make it work". Over the coming weeks M did a complete 180 and started by saying "this is killing me" to "i'll be your friend but nothing more".

Then she said her partner was the "love of her life".

We started messaging each other less and less over the coming months, but she emailed me saying he was "the one" etc

I messaged her nothings like "happy birthday" in december for her bday and that i didn't want her to feel guilty about what had happened in my marriage (which has broken down) etc.

Then randomly after months of basically nothing from her, she messaged me using a flimsy excuse about it being my birthday (in March, when my real bday is in August which i once told her both day and month). We spoke to an hour and a half and in that she said that chicks must dig me more than ever (when i told her i had dental work done), and when i told her i had a non-sexual dream about her a few weeks prior she asked "did i smile when i woke up?". She asked about the wife, when she knows we have separated. All very confusing.

I saw a photo of her when she was 5 once and said I would've gone for her and she said "she would've gone for you and been your gf in a heartbeat", and "where were you all those years ago?" I replied "where were you 6 years ago?"

I've never stopped thinking about her since the day we met. The connection is unlike any I've ever had - she said the same thing. Now, she keeps saying how happy she is with her bf (which to me, no-one who is truly happy needs to keep re-iterating it, sounds like she's trying to convince herself more than me. More friends say it's bs about the "love of my life" stuff, especially as she messaged me "i miss you" when they were out together etc. Someone neutral also said "she got scared and ran to what was available". I truly believe this girl is my soul-mate. I knew she was in hospital once without her telling me. I called her another time when i felt she needed to talk (Which was accurate). She messaged me once when i felt really low, and when i was really down last year she rang me to ask if i needed her to fly back from NY (I'm in Canada).

 

Sorry for the length here, but any advice please please share.

Thanks

[losangelena]

OP, I hate to say it, but I don't think you're going to get a ton of sympathy from the posters of LS about this. Considering you were married and were carrying on with this woman—you had my sympathy until you included that detail.

 

It's good you confessed to your wife. But considering that you barely know this woman, it does sound a bit ridiculous to say that she's the love of your life. To me, it sounds like you got wrapped up in the fantasy of another woman—but that's the thing, it's a fantasy. Chances are, if you and "Monica" ever did get together, the magic would quickly die because the reality of being with her would take over and all of your projections of her would slowly fade.

 

Do yourself a favor and stop reaching out to her. Emotionally detach yourself from her so that you can move in your life and find someone who is available.

[callme007]

Thanks for the feedback losangelena ... to be clear though it's M who's saying about her bf "love of my life" - not me about her.

I do get what you're saying though, and again thanks for your feedback and opinion.

[preraph]

Can't help noticing you're still not divorced, so I can only concluded that you were wanting to keep both women. Most women are not in for that.

[callme007]

Divorce is happening later this year.

[losangelena]

Even so, the way all of this went down, clean slate, OP. Stop obsessing over this woman.