elliecoffee Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Well I was crushing on this guy from my gym. We started talking and spending time together at the gym and then we both started texting here and there just simple messages like "have a nice day" "let me know how whateverthing goes" and so on but just that. He is always so protective, supportive and caring with me, and I noticed that once he started feeling more confortable with me he started hugging me and we would keep talking with his arm around my shoulder or waist holding me close to him. Then I started noticing small details like him starting at me then looking away, him wearing cologne, some comments from his friends BUT he never asked me out or hinted about going out or even made a comment about anything and our talks were pretty much normal. So I thought: 'just friends' and that was it. The other day I sent him a message 'hey enjoy your weekend, go break some hearts xx' to which he replied 'I rather if you and I misbehaved together...' I found his reply way too forward, extremely sexual and it caught me off guard specially since this is so out of the blue, BUT I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt: he had never been this upfront before, he had never hinted anything before, besides it was a text message so I could have easily misinterpreted whatever. So I replied like half day later jokingly 'sure let's forget about the diet, we'll plan something during the week'. No harm at all, right? Next time I see him, he's acting completely indifferent, a little bit distant. When I go and say hi it kinda feels forced, chat is short and he's the one to break it off not before letting me know the way he behaves with me, he behaves with everyone else. I was thinking a lot of things I could have done wrong but at the end of the day, I don't want to play these mind games, whatever they are. He was treating me like a friend, I was treating him like a friend and now that his happened, I really feel like backing off completely because I don't understand what the hell happened. And I came here to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Do you want an opinion? If so, read below .... He was trying to take it to the next level with the "misbehave" remark, bc you opened the door by talking about his romantic interests with the "break some hearts" comment. But then, you patronized him by not even acknowledging it was a flirt and acting like it was a benign comment about nothing. That sent him a clear message to back off (and likely hurt him a bit bc you didn't even give him a nod). So, he backed off. No big mystery. More mysterious to me is why you treated him that way when you're crushing on him. It's like you punished him for doing what I assume you were actually hoping he'd do on some level. If I were you I'd apologize to him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 You technically turned down his advance.....if it caught you off guard, then you are not that into him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 That should have been ( on the lines of ) first text he sent you. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 You gave him probably the most humiliating answer possible, but I don't really blame you to be honest. Instead of going for what he wanted that was right there in front of him he dilly dallied around being friendly. He should want you so bad that he takes the first opening and doesn't really have any choice in the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliecoffee Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Wow Wow This has been going on for some time now. He happens to be my gym head instructor and until four days ago, that's the first move he made. I really believed he was just being friendly, that we were just friends and yes, that text caught me off guard. I did reply 'sure let's go out' but what was I supposed to say? 'yeah baby let's ***' for his feelings not to get hurt? Besides, we see each other DAILY, why a text message? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I don't know. I can see what jen1447 and smackie9 are saying but I don't believe this is ALL the OP's fault either. Yes, she was crushing on the guy but that doesn't mean she HAS to be open to or interested in texting in a way that feels inappropriate or uncomfortable to her, does it? Maybe she didn't want to open that door with him just yet. Why couldn't he have just said something like "I'd rather have your heart" or something cheeky like that rather than jump straight into the whole "misbehaving" comment. Yes, his ego might have been bruised by his lame attempt at heating things up BUT then again the OP didn't shut him completely since she did tell him she was open to setting something up this week. If you ask me, this guy is acting more like a baby than anything else. OP I think you handled it fine. It's HIS loss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 On one hand I can see where Jen and Smackie are coming from. I mean it's a guy she was crushing on that she liked enough to give her number to. I mean it is a bit surprising to me that she seems so shocked he has interest. Why else would he want her number right? But he didn't handle it very well either. He could have been really direct/confident and asked her out in person. Or at the very least, cut to the chase on the phone. However, he chose to beat around the bush and be her texting buddy. Then out of nowhere he says he wants to "misbehave" with her. So it was too much of a state shift IMO. He easily could have responded like this : Her - Go break some hearts xx Him - I'd rather be on a date with you. When are you free? This is him being direct, but it's more laid back to match up with the speed of the interaction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliecoffee Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Yeah honestly it wasn't my intention to 'punish' or 'humiliate' him in any way, shape or form. And no, I didn't feel confortable with how he handled things... Anyway, what's done is done. Is there any way to fix this? Should I give him time, space, what? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Well maybe he truly was just looking for a %$#@ instead. You dodged a bullet. Follow your gut....this guy obviously turned out to be not your type. Maybe it was a good thing he backed off. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Wow Wow This has been going on for some time now. He happens to be my gym head instructor and until four days ago, that's the first move he made. I really believed he was just being friendly, that we were just friends and yes, that text caught me off guard. I did reply 'sure let's go out' but what was I supposed to say? 'yeah baby let's ***' for his feelings not to get hurt? Besides, we see each other DAILY, why a text message? It sounds like he wanted to engage in some light flirtatious banter with you... Why not play along? Oh, forgot caught you off guard. The thing with flirtatious banter is, you kinda have to keep it going spontaneously.... not respond a half day later with a deliberate response. It ruins the moment. Oh well, maybe next time... Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 You both blew it here. Guy should've asked you out in person, or if he couldn't do it in person at least thought about a message that would've done the job. That being said his message wasn't even that bad - it was banter, because he probably reasoned with himself "There is absolutely no way she could think i'm not interested, and if she's still behaving the way she is around me knowing that i'm interested then she must be too". He should've just asked you out in person at the end of the day though. You saying you didn;t know he was interested is laughable. Re-read what you typed about his behavior and then imagine one of your friends telling you this and trying to convince you "i didn't know he was interested?!!?" Sometimes those sorts of messages actually do the job. His intentions are SUPER clear now. He wants to be involved with you. I actually did this same thing with a girl a while ago, we had a text message relationship but I was pretty forward with her when we were together. She acted like she didn't know I was interested, sent me a message when she figured it out saying "I just don't really want a boyfriend right now" (because I took too long to make a move), i KNEW she was attracted to me I was just being so weak about it. I realized this is what happened and that she had eventually got bored, so i sent her a message back saying, word for word, "i want to **** your brains out". 2 days later I was doing that:lmao:. Maybe he just thought this weird dynamic had gone on long enough and you were possibly losing interest, he was too intimidated to ask you out in person so he just resorted to the "suicide text" as i like to call it:laugh::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliecoffee Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Many people told me he couldn't be interested since he was head coach at my gym and that was his job: be nice. And I got a lot of male friends that are huggers and I know for sure they are not 'secretly' in love with me. I think I went with that, and when this guy took so long to make a move, last thing I thought was that he loved me passionately. But the situation took care of itself. Today when he saw me, he went straight to me, hugged me, told me I looked beautiful and asked me out. And then we were like no misunderstanding ever happened. I'm happy, can't complaint, but can you now see why I find the guy confusing? Btw, kudos to fitnessfan365, he was the only one who told me to waste no time and I give him my number from the very beginning. Listen to his advices. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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