chloelouise11 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me this weekend. Out of the blue. I thought there were no problems. He is so loving and caring and treats me like he absolutely adores me. I see him 3 of 5 days in the weekend and most weekends. We rarely fight. I get frustrated with him because he has not told me he loves me. He has told me before that he needs to be sure i am the person he wants to spend his life with before saying it. To me I don't feel the same and I don't look at someone after 18 months and immediately know i want to spend my life with them but i respect that he feels this way. Saturday night i told him i thought he was wasting my time. sunday morning he broke down crying and told me that when he looks at me he can't picture living with me and that he should know by now if he does love me and he doesn't know. He told me he needed space and time to think. I don't believe that he doesn't love me. I think he is scared and self sabotaging. Maybe he doesn't love me but I really thought I felt it from him. My gut tells me he does. I feel like he makes himself not admit it or not accept that he does for some reason. He has told me that he has not made his decision and needs some time and space to work things out. i told him this morning i think he's already made his decision and if i thought he really needed space i'd give it. he replied saying "i have not made a decision. i need this time to work out whats important. i'm sorry i'm messing you around, it's not fair and i hate doing it to you. give me until friday, we can meet then and talk. i've tossed and turned all night trying to work out what to do. please just give me some space and time" When i heard from him yesterday he said 'i need to decide if i see this lasting forever or if i'm just wasting your time" I don't know what to do. It would help more if i believed what he was saying but i feel it's not the reason. He is not a very open person and massively an over thinker. He said to me during the break up - "i can't see a time when we are living together and you would be in the bedroom just lying on the bed and i would be in the lounge" because he said he feels we always have to be doing something. He looks into the future and puts his own doubts in his head when they are such silly things to say. I have had to take a couple of days off work because I am a mess. :(:( Any advice or tips? Edited April 28, 2015 by chloelouise11
amaysngrace Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Maybe he should see a shrink. He's too much thought and not enough feeling. He needs to find balance.
Methodical Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Eighteen months and he doesn't love you? Sounds like a case of I like you enough to have sex with you (assuming you do since you haven't said yea or nay but the time frame suggests ), but I don't want to commit. Personally, I wouldn't leave the decision in his hands. After what he said, I'd kick him to the curb and move on. You are spinning your wheels with a man who doesn't deserve you.
Situasian Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 OP i feel for you i really do. Trust me i've been in your bfs position before when i'm not 100 percent sure if i want to be with someone. In the end i knew somewhere deep inside that that person wasn't the one for me and i was too scared to break up with her so for your sake and your emotional well being leave him be and move on because after a year or more the guy should know if he loves you or not 1
hunk Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 God I wish my ex was as insightful and understanding of this kind of behavior as you. You sound like a very compassionate and patient person. I behaved in exactly the same way as your boyfriend for exactly the same amount of time, except my ex was the one to end it because she was done with feeling like she was being used. I self sabotaged the entire relationship, I definitely loved her. I think you should end it with him. Take the initiative and shake him up. Tell him you're sick of feeling like you are and you're done, and then just leave. If he doesn't come out with a sincere and heartfelt attempt at showing his feelings for you then you've got your answer and you're on the way to healing. Check out my thread from a few weeks ago if you want, it's pretty long and deals with the guys perspective of what this sort of relationship is like. 1
Author chloelouise11 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 He's asked to see me friday to talk. Rather than clutch onto any hope that probably isn't even there. I'm going to turn up and tell him I don't like the way he has treated me and that we are done.
Methodical Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Good for you! And if he can suddenly utter the words, "I love you," don't cave. Read what you originally posted, the things he said, and then look at how he made you feel. You deserve better!
Author chloelouise11 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 You're right! I deserve better. It's just hard knowing someone didn't love you but made you feel so loved. All very hard to accept!
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