Confusedcompletely Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 My ex and I broke up about two months ago. I caught him lying and trying to cheat on me...he broke up for me for some silly reason and asked me back immediately after. I said no and it's been a little over a month since that 'no' was official. I still stand by my decision to not go back, but I've been missing him lately. Sometimes I feel like sending him a really pathetic text asking if he still thinks of me. Then I remind myself that not only is it not my business how he thinks/feels, but there's no point in even asking such a thing if I don't want him back and he will probably only reply with lies anyway (assuming he'd reply at all). I'm sure other people who've gone through a break up have had this struggle too, I was wondering how you guys dealt with it? Obviously going off and doing something to distract yourself would be the first thing, but what about when it's night time and you're in bed unable to sleep, or first thing in the morning? Would love to hear other peoples experiences and advice!
Twigyy Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 You'll have to completely remove him from your life. Put all the pictures away, delete his number, remove from social networks, etc. I use the phone lesser now, and also not do stuff that makes me remember of my ex. I don't text my ex not because I want her attention, but because it is not healthy for me to be in contact with her and I need to heal. It takes some time since it has only been a month for you. I am at 4 months post BU, and three months of no contact, and I still have my ups and downs. Accept that its OK to feel this way and believe that you'll be better in awhile. Just my two cents.
Situasian Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I agree with Twigyy here. Erase him form your life for now, i've been 5-6 months out of a 4 year relationship and about 2 months NC and its the hardest thing especially since the person she was texting behind my back is the person she is with now. I have an app on my phone i listen to at night. Its a hypnosis program and i listen to the get over your ex one and it makes me fall asleep pretty quick and i find it really helpful. Also when i get the urge to text her or look at her fb or whatever i tell myself why do this as it will just makes things worse eg she will text me an abusive message back like she did the last time i contacted her and secondly if i look at any of the social media i have her blocked on i might see something that would tear my heart apart.
Mrin Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 +1 on erasing him from your life. But the honest truth here is that the best way to get over him is to start doing something else. Or maybe doing someone else. You have to take the energy that you spend thinking about him or missing him or whatever and put it to another use. I'm a neuroscience guy so I'll translate it into brain stuff. See, in your brain you have billions and billions of neural connections. Basically that's all a thought is, one neuron connecting to another. Once you get a bunch of these connected up that becomes an idea or a believe about something or in this case someone. That cluster is called a network. When you think about your ex, electricity flows throughout this network and activates it. These networks are like muscles. The more you use them the more they grow and become "burned in". The more permanent they are. Your network of your Ex grew and changed and now there is a part of it that is focused on loss and missing him. So that's the bad news... The good news is that since these networks are like muscles, the less you use them the more they fade and diminish. And the really cool thing is that your brain is partitioned. So you have an area for romantic interests. If you start building another network (e.g. about another guy) that network will be used and grow and it will actually degrade the network of your ex. That's how you fall out of love with one guy and into love with another. Neat huh? The first step is to just stop firing that network of your ex and the best way to do that is start building new networks in your brain about other stuff. So take up a new hobby. Make a new friend. Go someplace new. Stimulate the brain so it is busy building these new networks and not firing, over and over, the network of your ex. The next step is to find someone else that you can feel romantic about. But if you sit there pining over this guy you won't get anywhere. Imagine yourself at a gym complaining that your arms are getting too big. But you just sit there repeatedly doing bicep curls. See how futile that is? Best of luck! Mrin
Recommended Posts