Maverick27 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Hi friends, I took a break from loveshack for a bit because it was making me over-analyse everything. So i decided to go solo for a week or two to try and completely detach myself from the breakup. I have returned with some advice for the recently dumped - tailing to those who got completely blindsighted/cheated on/left for another man/women. Hopefully my advice helps, it may not be suitable to you if YOU were the one who effed up real bad and/or were emotionally abusive and caused them to leave. 1. No Contact No matter how much you think you can fix it with words...you cant. Severe ALL contact IMMEDIATLY and DO NOT reach out to him/her for any reason. I know you think your situation is unique and you think you can do some psychological gymnastics on her to get her back...but you cant. DO NOT CONTACT HER FOR ANY REASON. 2. Health and wellbeing. Immediately start doing more exercise and avoid alcohol/drugs cigarettes - your brain is going to be working overtime for the next month and CANNOT spare the energy for mind altering substances. Your brain is going to be trying to rationalise your ex behaviour so bad that you completely lose cognitive function and cannot deal with the rest of your life - causing it to fall to pieces, making you feel even worse...so...keep up the excursus to keep you thinking clearly. 3. Distractions. I know its tiring and all you want to do is obsess over why he/she left, but you need to spend as much time as possible with friends and family and to remember who you are WITHOUT him/her. Talk about it so much to the point where your sicking of hearing yourself talk. 4. The Why. If he/she cheated on you, than instead of focusing on what YOU did wrong, realise that it takes a very insecure, self concious, low self-esteem person to commit such an act. To destroy your committed union of love and friendship for a fleeting few moments, they couldnt help themselves. Feel sorry for them, dont hate them. It makes it easier to get past Trust me, i know its horrible. Its taken me two months to claw my way out of hell. But im out. I broke No contact nearly every two days for two months, CONSTANTLY over analysing everything and telling her when/how it went wrong - it just further pushed her away and i COMPLETELY lost any self-respect i had. Also, in the process i destroyed any hope of reconciliation. 5. If he/she left you for someone else Stop.thinking.about.the.other.person. They are fulfilling a void in the ex because she/he cant make himself happy. I know it's absolutely soul destroying to think about him/her with another lover....but your ex is just a particular breed of human that CONSTANTLY needs validation, and maybe he/she isnt able to get enough from a committed relationship. They need the honey moon period to get their fix. 6. Pain last but not least - allow yourself to feel the pain, dont try and talk yourself out of it. it's real and its PAINFUL. So painful. You cant even IMAGINE being with another, whist your ex builds a relationship with someone else. Nothing is more devastating, in my experience... Learn to love the pain, because its going to make you a better person! you dont see it yet, just like i didnt....but it will. 7
Situasian Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Could not have worded it better! Thanks for writing this up mate, its so true and to the point. Everyone always thinks their situation is unique but when you read these forums you know it is truly not the case.
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