Dating Hot Girls (or Guys) - Keeping them interested and inline

[Justanaverageguy]

Idk...the parts of your post that I've highlighted in bold sounds pompous, conceited...and a bit self-righteous. Nothing wrong with 'aiming high' OP. But, just the way you talk about it, the way you "rate" womens' attractiveness and if (God forbid) they have a few extra pounds, how "lucky" it is for them that you still find them attractive because you have "plenty to offer" them.

 

Sorry, it probably isn't your intention to come off that way...but your post makes it seem like that's how your attitude is. j/s

 

 

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OK you have clearly twisted my words but I will bite

 

I do value myself and I do feel that I have lots to offer to a lady. I don't care if that sounds conceited or arrogant. It is what it is.

 

I respect all girls that I date. I only ever date one girl at a time. I only ever sleep with one girl at a time. I have never cheated on any girl I have ever seen and I never will. I do not consider looks to be the only factor when I consider dating a woman .... in fact if my previous divorce has taught me anything it is to consider and carefully evaluate the character of a women first and her looks second.

 

In saying that - I do still require and highly value the attractiveness of a woman. Again I will not apolgise for that. I have read post after post on here from women saying they have preferences for tall men only or built guys or what ever other characteristic they like. That is fine and never do I criticize. It is what it is. Attraction is part of being human. You deal with what you got and maximize it. I actually like girls who are a little curvier .... thus why I was dating the previous girl so you criticizing me there holds zero weight (pun intended). It had previously been implied that I only dated 9's or something stupid so I was simply pointing out that by society's scale who I date and who I find attractive is variable.

[hunk]

OP you are completely right and I don't really understand why people are having a go at you about this. It's not about manipulation at all. Beautiful women know they are beautiful and they know in this world beauty will get them basically anywhere they want to go in life. This is cold hard fact. No matter how genuine and good a person they are, every stunning woman on the face of this planet is aware of what they can get away with using their appearance. Don't try and argue with me on this.

 

OP is just saying that alot of the time we put abnormally attractive women on some kind of pedestal and completely alter the way we behave around them purely because we're intimidated or obsessed with their physical appearance. It messes with our brains. Just be yourself. If you wouldn't accept any woman turning up an hour and a half late to a date, then why would you accept a particularly good looking woman doing the same thing? If you wouldn't accept a woman flaking or ignoring texts/phone calls why would you accept a hot one doing the same? The man that can be himself around 4/10's and 9/10's alike is the guy that is gonna end up with the 9.5/10. Don't want to sound shallow here or whatever, but this thread is about "hot" people after all.

 

I guess while we're on the topic I went on a date last week with a pretty girl who literally said to me "well, we're both extremely good looking people" and then said something else after about "life being hard for hot people" but I can't even remember because I was so turned off. She spent most of the date seemingly trying to assure me she was hot. It was horrible and I sure as hell didn't contact her after because despite being obviously cripplingly insecure I could see she was even trying to play games with me on our FIRST DATE.

[Justanaverageguy]

Okay. THIS I can respect. At least you want a woman to use the same "tactic" on YOU that you use on them, to "keep you in line and checked". When I said 'go with the flow', I did NOT mean for you to lay on your back to be ran over by semi trucks lol. There's a healthy balance of being easy going and wanting to be respected of your time.

 

 

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That's the main reason I realized this was so important. I started really looking at why I lost interest in some girls I dated and others I wanted to get more serious with. Looks were not the answer. They played a part but still I sometimes lost interest in some girls who were on the surface more attractive then other girls. Why ? Also there were some girls who I found attractive who I also connected really well with on a social and personal level. I thought they were really cool, relaxed fun girls. Ticked all the boxes but still sometimes I lost interest in pursuing a relationship. Why ? I was genuinely confused.

 

I realized one of the main things I need is a girl who "checks" me when I step out of line. When I don't treat her like she is really ****ing important. I will go in with good intentions of meeting a girl, treating her right and hoping it turns into more. But little things will happen. I might be late, forget to respond to her message, forget something she asked me to do - whatever just really little things. I found it is the girls who pick these things up and demand I treat them better that I become more interested in. I don't want a needy, toxic chick either who is high maintenance. It is hard to explain but when I do something wrong that should be checked - she does - so I know its not ok. And they can be really small subtle things that people often let you get away with that really impact how I feel about them.

 

I think it comes down to how the individual views them self compared to their partner. If they view their partner as "out of their league" or "too good for them" even if only slightly. Then they will treat them that way. They don't "check" them and let little stuff slide. People subconsciously pick these subtle things up and come to the conclusion that they really are "too good" for their prospective partner. Its like a subconscious ranking process - that's the best way I can explain it. I realized with some girls this is why I was losing interest and the same applied to me when I pursued certain women.

 

Does that make any sense ?

Edited April 28, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[losangelena]

I think setting and keeping boundaries is a very healthy thing to do in any relationship. Also, average or even, God forbid, unattractive people will try to trample over them as well, FYI. It's not just the super-attractive, smoking hot ones.

 

Also, I'm genuinely curious to know what constitutes a 9.5. Really, you're not going to just generously round up to 10? What could possibly be wrong with her? That whole point system really rubs me the wrong way—nothing like breaking down a person into parts to assess their whole value. Please.

[losangelena]

Met a gorgeous black woman on OKC a few days ago. Tons of romantic tension through text and on the phone. So kiss greeting her felt like the thing to do. She was receptive and enjoyed it.

 

FF, with all due respect, what does this girl's race have to do with the rest of your story? Absolutely zero.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Good for you OP.

 

Men should always call a Woman out on bull**** - it's something I'm trying to get better at

[Justanaverageguy]

I think setting and keeping boundaries is a very healthy thing to do in any relationship. Also, average or even, God forbid, unattractive people will try to trample over them as well, FYI. It's not just the super-attractive, smoking hot ones.

 

Also, I'm genuinely curious to know what constitutes a 9.5. Really, you're not going to just generously round up to 10? What could possibly be wrong with her? That whole point system really rubs me the wrong way—nothing like breaking down a person into parts to assess their whole value. Please.

 

Yeah the number things is definitely a guy thing. I am not going to defend it it is what it is. Guys like to ranks things. Also I know this sounds completely lame - but most guys will actually say a 10 doesn't exist. Its like a mythical unicorn. If you call a girl a 10 then it basically means she is some sort of celebrity or model you can't actually obtain.

 

In saying that I have seen girls who can be just as bad. In my old office the women had a "top 5". They would send an internal email around among the girls when ever a new guy started in the office to decide if they needed to shuffle their top 5 hottest guys in the office. Seriously - us guys were never game to even try something like that as if we got caught HR would have our balls.

[hunk]

I think setting and keeping boundaries is a very healthy thing to do in any relationship. Also, average or even, God forbid, unattractive people will try to trample over them as well, FYI. It's not just the super-attractive, smoking hot ones.

 

Also, I'm genuinely curious to know what constitutes a 9.5. Really, you're not going to just generously round up to 10? What could possibly be wrong with her? That whole point system really rubs me the wrong way—nothing like breaking down a person into parts to assess their whole value. Please.

 

9.5 is the most realistic you could get to being completely physically gorgeous, conventionally perfect I guess. The Irina Shayk's/Emily Ratajkowski's etc of the world. A 10/10 doesn't actually exist, that constitutes some kind of universally objective flawless beauty.

[Justanaverageguy]

FF, with all due respect, what does this girl's race have to do with the rest of your story? Absolutely zero.

 

He is talking about the physical appearance and attractiveness of a woman. Clearly skin color plays a part in that. Its just as important as saying she has blond hair - which I did in my description of the hot girl I described. People are way too PC when it comes to race. You say "black" and they start yelling racist.

 

He clearly thinks she is hot and is not being negative in any way at all .... in fact he actually used her skin color as a positive factor in her beauty. So what is the issue ? Its racist to be attracted to a black woman ??? OMG I just said black again

[losangelena]

Oh, so the number also denotes a level of attainability? As in, a 7 is more easily attainable than a 9? Is that how it goes?

[Justanaverageguy]

Oh, so the number also denotes a level of attainability? As in, a 7 is more easily attainable than a 9? Is that how it goes?

 

Its basically a hotness scale. So physical appearance and nothing more. If you want a funny explaination watch this (Its a joke and not to be taken seriously I am just prefacing that so I don't get flamed)

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU

[losangelena]

He is talking about the physical appearance and attractiveness of a woman. Clearly skin color plays a part in that. Its just as important as saying she has blond hair - which I did in my description of the hot girl I described. People are way too PC when it comes to race. You say "black" and they start yelling racist.

 

He clearly thinks she is hot and is not being negative in any way at all .... in fact he actually used her skin color as a positive factor in her beauty. So what is the issue ? Its racist to be attracted to a black woman ??? OMG I just said black again

 

I never said/suggested he was racist—you're jumping to that conclusion.

 

I am just saying that I didn't think her being black really had anything to do with his story, just like the fact that your "9.5" was blonde-haired and blue-eyed. It's interesting that you see it as an important detail, whereas I don't. Maybe that's a personal thing or a gender thing, I don't know. FF's comment just jumped out at me. I never implied a racial bias.

[Gary S]

Often, as looks go up, so does high maintenance. You want a woman who takes less work, not more. Give the girl next door a shot.

[Justanaverageguy]

I never said/suggested he was racist—you're jumping to that conclusion.

 

I am just saying that I didn't think her being black really had anything to do with his story, just like the fact that your "9.5" was blonde-haired and blue-eyed. It's interesting that you see it as an important detail, whereas I don't. Maybe that's a personal thing or a gender thing, I don't know. FF's comment just jumped out at me. I never implied a racial bias.

 

But how else is it possible to describe someones physical appearance and attractiveness if not by actually describing how they look ? Also you didn't call me on describing a girls hair or eye color until now.

 

I am not really criticizing you because I know western society have been socially conditioned to do this. Its like an automatic response. I still catch myself doing the exact same thing all the time which is why I joked about it. You say black and people kind of twitch. Society needs to try and move onto the next phase of anti racism where it not a big deal anymore because its no longer a taboo word and just seen the same as any other physical descriptor. Maybe still a little ways off.

[Natalie8]

Hello,

You use hot and high value interchangably? Are those two things the same to you? Because in your title it says hot and in your last sentence you use the term high value. I dont think the two are the same

 

They will quite often take suitors for granted and tend to treat them pretty poorly.

High value people dont treat people poorly. Furthermore, why do you want someone who treats other people poorly?

 

 

 

Zero tolerance - I call them out on any bad behavior immediately.

 

Behavior improves and they suddenly become far more interested and attracted to me...these sentences , they really irk me...but not as much as your title: "keeping them in line". (In my neck of woods men who beat their wifes use this sentence so it has a very negative connonation..for me.)

 

You are 30 years old and you rate women on a number scale?

Obviously, mine is just an opinion, but here it is:

Dont put women on pedestal for their looks. But also dont find faults in their behaviour just because calling them out on things makes you feel superior. If she is a good person she wont mess you around. Being late for a date for family reasons is not misbehaving, in my books.

If this works for you then keep it up, i guess. I would never be with a guy with such zero tolerance policy and also wouldnt feel more interested in them if they tried to keep me in line. I also know what my league is and wouldnt want to date someone who is hot (out of my league). It just wouldnt make me feel comfortable. I think when people are with someone who they feel is too good for them or out of their league they either wonder why that person is with them or they try to bring that said person down. Again, just my experience.

[Justanaverageguy]

She hasn't turned up yet, time will tell.

 

Haha you are really keen to see that my date doesn't happen aren't you Quite a few texts back and forth this evening and all looking good for Thursday. I will keep you in the loop

[preraph]

I don't agree so much that what she did was a test. I just think she thinks it's acceptable because like you say, most men will let her get away with it because she's so hot. I doubt she thinks of it as any test. But your point is well taken and should be applied to both sexes. It's the people who tolerate bad behavior who end up miserable in every relationship they're in. Doormats do not have a good love life. They're too desperate and set the bar way too low. You should never put up with something from someone else that you would never do to someone and shouldn't give more than you get. Out-of-balance relationships are crap relationships.

[DJOkawari]

What the original poster said started sounding like some PUA bs but to rephrase everything the original post said and then add-ons:

hot people like it when others are real with them and aren't making decisions purely based on their hotness. You demand to be treated with respect and they decide if they want that in their life or not. More often than not that is an attractive quality.

 

However, I think this applies to any person with any quality that might make people treat them differently (intelligence, money, success, coolness, etc.). But, finally people liking people who demand respect entirely comes down to if they themselves are coming from a place of stability and confidence. If a person isn't needy then they won't look for someone who is acting needy. It kind of comes from the perspective of "I'm great, hopefully I can find someone who is also great to fall in love with." If you start cutting them a lot of slack...probably you aren't so great.

Edited April 28, 2015 by DJOkawari

[Justanaverageguy]

Hello,

You use hot and high value interchangably? Are those two things the same to you? Because in your title it says hot and in your last sentence you use the term high value. I dont think the two are the same

 

They will quite often take suitors for granted and tend to treat them pretty poorly.

High value people dont treat people poorly. Furthermore, why do you want someone who treats other people poorly?

 

Zero tolerance - I call them out on any bad behavior immediately.

 

Behavior improves and they suddenly become far more interested and attracted to me...these sentences , they really irk me...but not as much as your title: "keeping them in line". (In my neck of woods men who beat their wifes use this sentence so it has a very negative connonation..for me.)

 

You are 30 years old and you rate women on a number scale?

Obviously, mine is just an opinion, but here it is:

Dont put women on pedestal for their looks. But also dont find faults in their behaviour just because calling them out on things makes you feel superior. If she is a good person she wont mess you around. Being late for a date for family reasons is not misbehaving, in my books.

If this works for you then keep it up, i guess. I would never be with a guy with such zero tolerance policy and also wouldnt feel more interested in them if they tried to keep me in line. I also know what my league is and wouldnt want to date someone who is hot (out of my league). It just wouldnt make me feel comfortable. I think when people are with someone who they feel is too good for them or out of their league they either wonder why that person is with them or they try to bring that said person down. Again, just my experience.

 

Sorry I am literally not all about looks. But hot is hot - I don't only go for 9's I already said that. I happened to find this girl really attractive, we hit it off, I got a kiss and I gave her my number. Sorry if you don't like rating girls looks on a number system ... I'll call her a stunner if that works better for you.

 

At the moment I've met this girl once and texted for a couple of weeks. It's early doors I don't even know her well enough to say if she is high value. That's what I aim to find out Thursday. And I don't normally have to enforce this zero tolerance policy frequently ... girls tend to **** test you. If you call them on it early they don't normally do it again. Also I only do it if I think it's genuinely called for. Like repeated lateness or another negative pattern. Also I am not rude about it - completely polite but also firm. I just find it works better then being "accommodating"... I see immediate changes.

Edited April 28, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[Vercetti]

Hey op, think numbers tossed others for a loop and you describing discovering a backbone translated into PUA grifting. I wish you the best, keep yourself in line and everything falls in place. It's binary someone likes you or not, all the better if you're not sabotaging yourself.