Mrlonelyone Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I must say that the alcohol was just another factor that added to the entire experience going south, no pun intended. What really killed MY mood was the fact that she was somewhat passive during sex. For example, she preferred to have me on top doing all the work while she lay. I kissed her all over while she barely ventured south of my neck. It wasn't until I ASKED her did she take Mr. Happy in her mouth. If I had to give us both a fair rating, I'd say that at least I tried in bed while she just lay there. But, it didn't bother me enough to be a deal breaker. Things like that can be fixed. So she wanted intense sex from you...but she did not want to do anything at all during the sex. No oral, no foreplay by her to get you going, then no moving around during sex. Sounds like she was the cold fish. When it comes to these situations listen to your ***k gut. Dont' listen to your head, western culture tells us to think it is totally up to the man to make sex good. What does your gut say? Try this, suppose she is that passive all the time during sex and will react this way every time you had a bad outing if you got her in a relationship or marriage. Imagine decades of lazy oral, and uninvolved "lovemaking". Think of what Chris Rock says about marriage. (NSFW) it only gets less passionate not more. 1
ASG Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 This was two days before the sex. Not trying to say anything. Just trying to prevent myself from making the same mistake again. Whatever that mistake was. Sometimes it's not about making a mistake. It's just about compatibility. There's this guy I went on a date with,a couple of years ago. We'd known each other through friends for a while and decided to grab a drink alone. It was great and I ended up going to his house. I cannot tell you how much his house turned me off. Literally, I wanted to never set foot in that house again. And the sex was, at best, average. We kept in touch, but I always found myself coming up with some excuse to not meet him. And I never did. He didn't really do anything wrong, apart from having a messy house... Another guy I was turned off by the sound he made while kissing. Again, great guy, but I was honestly so turned off by it I didn't even sleep with him the second time we went out. It happens. You two just weren't compatible for some reason that only she knows. I wouldn't sweat it too much.
losangelena Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Think of what Chris Rock says about marriage. (NSFW) it only gets less passionate not more. Haha, I loved this.
40 Fonzarelli Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Yea man. Unfortunately, the first night of sex could be a deal breaker. If I really like the girl, I make it a habit of "rocking her world". It's the ultimate flake prevention
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 By the way, my size is just fine. I've never had any complaints. I just liked her and put less emphasis on the sex and more emphasis on being with her. In fact, I took my time with the foreplay. Just curious OP, if you took your time with foreplay and with pleasing her, why didn't/couldn't you make her cum? Usually, a guy who knows how to lip and french kiss a girl sensuously and is good with his fingers can make a woman gazz at least once, if not twice. Sometimes after a night of partying my ex-bf and I would go home and attack each other and the times he couldn't quite rise to the occasion or get real hard because of the liquor, he'd swirl his tongue, kiss me sensuously with his lips and finger me to the point where I'd go into sheer ECSTASY.:love: You could've possibly pleased her in that way, but like Satu and some of the other posters were saying, you didn't establish enough of an emotional connection with her before having sex. IMO, you can't 'make love' to someone you don't love yet. . 3
Toodaloo Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Even if I'm drunk/stoned I can still get it up and go to pound town - but I may not finish I can still give her a good time though. Then again I'm 26 . Give it time... Happens to all men at some point... Its actually worse when they are up, pounding away merrily and not ever getting to the end game! Sometimes you start to think to your self "actually I would rather be reading my book right now!!!" Seriously though OP - don't worry about it. Its not the end of the world. 1
Author Thermals Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 I'm just curious what others think about this; is it possible that the sex wasn't what brought about the fallout and that I was simply the rebound guy? When she texted me and said she wasn't ready to date, I pressed her on the issue and in a polite way told her that I wasn't buying that excuse. In my head I was convinced it was the sex. I also confronted her about contacting me via text instead of at the very least over the phone. She said she felt crappy about it as it is. In the end, she stuck to her guns and said that I was her first date since the breakup 2 months ago.
Author Thermals Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 I'm a pilot too. What do you fly? How many hours? I'm working on getting my instrument rating. Going for a commercial multi after that.
Author Thermals Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 When it comes to these situations listen to your ***k gut. ...... What does your gut say? My gut tells me that she likes to be dominated and told what to do in bed. Or, she might be sexually inexperienced. What caught me off guard was the fact that for all her flirtatious talk she didn't follow it up with flirtatious action. It's as though she expected or wanted or hoped that looks alone will satisfy that void.
hunk Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Well put it this way. Do you think if you had mind blowing sex, she would be telling you that she isn't ready to date? Every single box would be ticked and she'd have no reason to end things. It's just an excuse, everyone is ready to date once we meet someone who we connect with emotionally and have mind blowing sex with, no matter how soon after a break up. That's my opinion anyway. The bad sex probably made her think about the good sex she had with her ex and consequently made her convince herself she's not actually ready to date. I maintain it's just an excuse though and she was just turned off.
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I'm just curious what others think about this; is it possible that the sex wasn't what brought about the fallout and that I was simply the rebound guy? When she texted me and said she wasn't ready to date, I pressed her on the issue and in a polite way told her that I wasn't buying that excuse. In my head I was convinced it was the sex. I also confronted her about contacting me via text instead of at the very least over the phone. She said she felt crappy about it as it is. In the end, she stuck to her guns and said that I was her first date since the breakup 2 months ago. Seriously, it doesn't matter, I mean we could speculate until hell freezes over, but that won't change the end result that she's done. Lesson learned for next time. Slow down. Pace things out. Don't jump into having sex too soon, and when you do don't be drunk.. I'm sorry. 1
Methodical Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 She was trying to let you down diplomatically and put the blame on herself rather than your inability to perform on that particular night. You know sex was the issue, you even state in your original post that "after sex" her mood changed, she was irritated and distant. Basically, she was all worked up and you dropped the ball. There are many ways in which to please a woman and the use of your penis is only one of them. However, you didn't pursue other avenues to satisfy her. She is done! Chalk this up to a learning experience and research other methods to incorporate so that in the future if your penis fails, you don't. 1
hunk Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 perhaps she was an alien from a not too distant planet who disguised herself as a human woman in order to experience human intercourse and now that she did she must return to her home planet to report her findings and that's why "she" ended things 1
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 perhaps she was an alien from a not too distant planet who disguised herself as a human woman in order to experience human intercourse and now that she did she must return to her home planet to report her findings and that's why "she" ended things LOL.. thank you for that! Nothing better than a good laugh to start out my day. Well, maybe a few other things (heehee)...but that was some funny stuff. 1
Author Thermals Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 When it comes to these situations listen to your ***k gut. ...... What does your gut say? My gut tells me that she might have been embarrassed, too. As we were making out the night we met, two days before the sex, I looked into her beautiful eyes. Her immediate reaction was, "you must think I'm a slut." I told her that I thought her eyes were beautiful. Also, when we danced on the first date, I joked with her and said with a British accent, "naughty girl". She took it seriously as she stopped kissing me for a short while but then came back for more after I initiated it again.
Author Thermals Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Basically, she was all worked up and you dropped the ball. That's not the way I see it. I think we both went into it with different expectations. On the one hand I don't think it's unfair for me to expect her to get ME worked up too, and on the other hand, at some point as I was seeing myself doing all the work I started thinking to myself, "***** this. Why am I doing all the work with narry an once of encouragement?"
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 My gut tells me that she might have been embarrassed, too. As we were making out the night we met, two days before the sex, I looked into her beautiful eyes. Her immediate reaction was, "you must think I'm a slut." I told her that I thought her eyes were beautiful. Also, when we danced on the first date, I joked with her and said with a British accent, "naughty girl". She took it seriously as she stopped kissing me for a short while but then came back for more after I initiated it again. Dude be careful. This is beginning to sound like obsession. Or close to. You knew her what, one week? I understand falling for someone quickly, but come on now, time to move on. All this dissection and analysis is preventing you from moving on and keeping you "stuck." Accept it's over, and just move on. 1
hunk Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 ... I looked into her beautiful eyes. Her immediate reaction was, "you must think I'm a slut." Sorry but this made me choke and almost spit my coke out with laughter. Don't worry about it man. You will drive yourself insane overanalyzing everything. Deep down you know it was the sex, you're just looking for any other possible explanation, which is understandable. Just forget it, it wasn't meant to be.. 3
Author Thermals Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Basically, she was all worked up and you dropped the ball. For all I know, the way she saw it was, "He's not that attracted to me after all". I say that because while we were in bed having sex she asked me, "What did you like about me during our first date when we first met?"
Author Thermals Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Dude be careful. This is beginning to sound like obsession. It rubs the lotion on its skin, it does so whenever it's told or else it get the hose..... I'm moving on. Thanks for all the replies. You guys are awesome. 1
htx Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) a few things, - i like being dominated. i get it. the strongest attraction i've had after first-time sex comes when the guy is rough and BOUND AND DETERMINED to get me off - did you go down on her? it's pretty easy for me to get off that way, but never during actual penetration. if a guy asked me to put his dick in my mouth before i got off, i'd be instantly turned off - i slept with my current bf second date. he made me come twice before making me do any work (and i did...he got, and i quote, the "best bj ever"). not saying this is how it should be during the first time, but if you're not rock solid, a bit rough and/or making her cum, it's best to focus on her the first time - do not contact her again, move on. once the attraction is dead, it's dead for good. Edited April 29, 2015 by htx
Morro72 Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I'm just curious what others think about this; is it possible that the sex wasn't what brought about the fallout and that I was simply the rebound guy? Well, you asked, so here goes: a rebound is a specific type of doomed relationship. Two dates is not even a rebound. It's just a thing that didn't make it to the third date. I don't think there's even a name for this, other than, maybe, "life."
Author Thermals Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 OP, this was a pretty definitive statement. If you still wanted to continue seeing her, why did you say this? I might have missed your question the first time around. Sorry. I think I said it because I was anticipating the fallout and was upset at the way the entire situation unfolded. So my immediate gut feeling was to show that I didn't appreciate being used. Here's what I mean: The evening didn't have an air of permanence to it, even while we were at the restaurant, something didn't feel right. I can't quite describe it, but in retrospect it seems that it wasn't the bad sex that played a central role. Readhead14's explanation (post #24) rings true on many levels. For example, during foreplay and before intercourse I said to her that I didn't have any condoms with me and that I could go get them from the car. Her immediate response for having not brought condoms on a second date was, "what a gentleman!" But, when I offered to go get them, she said, "No, that's okay." (I eventually did get them). As Redhead14 wrote, my feeling is that she was looking for a one night stand and perhaps some intimacy and then move on. But, for some reason or another she couldn't handle it or deal with it. And that -- at least in my view -- explains the 'cold fish' in bed behavior -- well before the intercourse -- on her part. She wasn't 100% comfortable with her plan. I don't think there would be any harm in reaching out to her again if you really wanted to, but like someone else already said, be prepared for the possible rejection. At this point I think trying to salvage anything out of this situation could be too complicated and messy. So despite what my heart is telling me, I'm going to let this one be and move on.
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