ASG Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I don't understand why people are saying she probably just wanted to get laid and felt uncomfortable with it... Er... no. The most likely scenario is that she was attracted and maybe looking to establish a relationship. She slept with the OP and it was terrible. I have had sex that completely turned me off guys I was attracted to. It happens. When other emotions have been developed, you might be more inclined to accept terrible sex. But before such emotions take hold, anything can be a turn off. From the way you kiss to the way you laugh. Most guys I've been with, the first time, while not earth shattering, was usually pretty good. At the very least average. When it's not even average, you'll have a hard time getting me into bed again. 1
Author Thermals Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 What message does it send if I contacted her and bluntly said something along the lines of 'I want to make it up to you. Would you give me a second chance?' Also, we were planning on taking a Tango lesson together sometime. Can I use that to entice her a little, rekindle some fire inside, if I were to offer to go together, no strings attached?
strawberryshortstack Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 What message does it send if I contacted her and bluntly said something along the lines of 'I want to make it up to you. Would you give me a second chance?' Also, we were planning on taking a Tango lesson together sometime. Can I use that to entice her a little, rekindle some fire inside, if I were to offer to go together, no strings attached? Let her go. 1
Satu Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 What message does it send if I contacted her and bluntly said something along the lines of 'I want to make it up to you. Would you give me a second chance?' Also, we were planning on taking a Tango lesson together sometime. Can I use that to entice her a little, rekindle some fire inside, if I were to offer to go together, no strings attached? You can do that if you want, but make sure that you can handle a rejection if that's what follows. 1
jen1447 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 What message does it send if I contacted her and bluntly said something along the lines of 'I want to make it up to you. Would you give me a second chance?' Mainly that you're weak, imo. That'll make her feel more resentment toward you and push you away further. If you really "want her back" or whatever the case may be, best thing you can do to promote those feelings in her is the exact opposite of what your heart is telling you - don't contact her. There's a chance that'll make her think maybe you're not clingy and re-evaluate. 2
Redhead14 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Oh come on Red, I don't believe that. I mean, it is possible I suppose, anything is possible. IMO, it's not that complicated. She was initially attracted, had sex, it sucked, and she lost the attraction. Again, that is the risk one takes when having sex before emotions are established. Yep, the OP asked for possible explanations. There are tons of possibilities. But that one sentence from her said a lot anyway. She got all dolled up for nuttin. I would never had said anything like that to a man. It was rude. But, in the end, sex too early often leaves one of or both parties with a ton of questions. 1
Mrin Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 What message does it send if I contacted her and bluntly said something along the lines of 'I want to make it up to you. Would you give me a second chance?' Also, we were planning on taking a Tango lesson together sometime. Can I use that to entice her a little, rekindle some fire inside, if I were to offer to go together, no strings attached? Dude please. The sex sucked or there was a deal breaker there. You might have reminded her of someone she didn't want to be reminded of. Whatever it is, it isn't fixable by you trying harder. Or again. Move on. And, LOL @ your FWB thought. Um, if the sex sucked why would she want you as a FWB where it is all about the sex.
losangelena Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Later that day -- day 4 -- she texted me and said that she wasn’t ready to start dating again and that she had just ended a long-term relationship. I wrote back saying I felt insulted. She wrote that she does not want me to feel insulted and that I was her first date in 2 months since the last long-term relationship ended. I wrote that I was moving on and wished her luck. She wrote back and said she hopes I find what I'm looking for. OP, this was a pretty definitive statement. If you still wanted to continue seeing her, why did you say this? I can see how you felt insulted, but would you really have preferred her to say, "your performance last night sucked, peace out?" I'm guessing no—she was just trying to let you down easy. Same with the back rubbing and water—she's probably a nice person in general, it's not like she's going to turn into a bitch just because you didn't perform up to expectations. I don't think there would be any harm in reaching out to her again if you really wanted to, but like someone else already said, be prepared for the possible rejection. As far as trying to negotiate a FWB situation, that you can probably forget. The only time I ever got into one of those is because the first time we had sex it was EXPLOSIVE. 2
Mrin Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 But that one sentence from her said a lot anyway. She got all dolled up for nuttin. I would never had said anything like that to a man. It was rude. I know right? That was so harsh. I think i've only had bad first sex twice in my adult life. Both times it totally killed the relationship. I will share a somewhat humorous lesson for the OP. The was one first sex experience where I had a HUGE workout right before the date. No matter what we tried I couldn't get hard. But I made her cum a bunch of times with my mouth and fingers and she was over the top thrilled. Like high 5ing herself thrilled. Let's just say the relationship progressed very nicely from there... 3
Diezel Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 If one round of bad sex was enough for her to bolt, then you are better off without her. Trust me. 1
katiegrl Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 What message does it send if I contacted her and bluntly said something along the lines of 'I want to make it up to you. Would you give me a second chance?' Also, we were planning on taking a Tango lesson together sometime. Can I use that to entice her a little, rekindle some fire inside, if I were to offer to go together, no strings attached? The message it sends is that you are needy and pathetic (sorry if that sounds harsh). Never ask or "beg" (which is what it sounds like), for a second chance....especially since you've done NOTHING wrong! You just didn't click sexually.... let it go. 1
Satu Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) When you really love someone, sex can be transcendental. A route to the centre of everything. Totally transformative. But you can only go there if you totally love the person. If not, it's just a bit of physical pleasure. Edited April 28, 2015 by Satu 1
Author Thermals Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) Our first date was during a speed dating event. That's when we clicked. As we were making out she said I gave her goosebumps. She told me I had a handsome smile and showered me with compliments. Then she handed me her phone and asked me to put my number in there and asked me when she was going to see me next. Then, before the second date she told me she was going to get all nice and sultry for me. The way I see it, it had to have been the sex because during the second date she was telling that I was quite the catch and asked me how come I was single. I kept quiet for a second or two, that's when she said, "I guess I could say the same about me. The last guy I was with had commitment issues. Edited April 28, 2015 by Thermals
Mrlonelyone Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Our first date was during a speed dating event. That's when we clicked. As we were making out she said I gave her goosebumps. She told me I had a handsome smile and showered me with compliments. Then she handed me her phone and asked me to put my number in there and asked me when she was going to see me next. Then, before the second date she told me she was going to get all nice and sultry for me. The way I see it, it had to have been the sex because during the second date she was telling that I was quite the catch and asked me how come I was single. I kept quiet for a second or two, that's when she said, "I guess I could say the same about me. The last guy I was with had commitment issues. Probably. Let me ask are both of you at least late 20's if not 30's or more? I find that at my age I want to get to know if I am sexually compatible with someone ASAP. So at the very least touch barriers come down ASAP if not actual sex ASAP. If not then I don't waste my time. If we don't enjoy each other physically, mentally, chemically, then that's it. No point in wasting any more time. She did not enjoy the sex. OR flip that around.... YOU DID NOT ENJOY IT EITHER. Maybe she wasn't all that or you would have been hard as steel. By the by do you know how many posters here are "incel" "nice guys" who are cursing that you would complain about getting more than they ever have?
Satu Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I think the sex was very badly timed. Too soon, you don't know each other, alcohol muddying the waters, unreal expectations... etc... (An aside: does your username, 'Thermals,' mean you are a glider pilot?) 2
h0000 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Our first date was during a speed dating event. That's when we clicked. As we were making out she said I gave her goosebumps. She told me I had a handsome smile and showered me with compliments. Then she handed me her phone and asked me to put my number in there and asked me when she was going to see me next. Then, before the second date she told me she was going to get all nice and sultry for me. The way I see it, it had to have been the sex because during the second date she was telling that I was quite the catch and asked me how come I was single. I kept quiet for a second or two, that's when she said, "I guess I could say the same about me. The last guy I was with had commitment issues. Ok you seem really confident that she was quiet interested in you before the sex. So I find it odd that she would shut the door completely just after one unsatisfying sex. I can only think of two reasons. Not to be rude but....it may be your size... Either that or she was faking all the sweet talk and compliments, like a predator trying to hunt.
wizer Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 You didn't take the time to get to know this person. Instead, you got physical right away. Any one can do that, its not something to be proud of. Unskilled people do that often these days and then they wonder why they suffer. After sex, two people need something else to do with each other. There is a lot of time in the day when your not having sex. What are you going to do with that time? Because we women hate to tell you guys to your face that you under performed and make you feel like utter loosers. We understand that your sexual prowess is important to you so even if your shockingly bad we will try to come up with something positive... The rubbing shoulders and being nice was trying to make you feel better before she kicked you to the kerb... I was going to say those same two things. So I'm just "quoting for truth". I'll also add that I don't understand why alcohol has to play such a large part in dating and relationships. It doesn't really make things better, and it usually makes things a heck of a lot worse. If one round of bad sex was enough for her to bolt, then you are better off without her. Trust me. Sorry, don't agree. Many women won't stay with a guy whose bad in bed because.. well.. sex isn't everything, but it's a lot. 1
Author Thermals Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) Satu, I'm a pilot, but a friend of mine is a glider pilot. The name seemed fitting what with body heat and dating..... Either that or she was faking all the sweet talk and compliments, like a predator trying to hunt. After the dating event I approached her at the bar so we talked for a while. When she saw that I was paying the check (Indicating I was about to leave) she immediately invited me to go dancing with her and her friends. As we danced, right after I lifted her up and swung her around, she started deep kissing me (Some kind of primal attraction to physical prowess). Then she told me she liked me. We spent some 3 hours talking afterward and I walked her to her apartment. At the door she invited me in to see the place and a few minutes later she said she needed to get some sleep and playfully said she had to kick me out. I walked to my car at 4 am. That same morning, at 10 am she texted me and said she had fun. Later that day we talked for 40 minutes on the phone and made plans for the following evening. By the way, my size is just fine. I've never had any complaints. I just liked her and put less emphasis on the sex and more emphasis on being with her. In fact, I took my time with the foreplay. Edited April 28, 2015 by Thermals
Satu Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Satu, I'm a pilot, but a friend of mine is a glider pilot. The name seemed fitting what with body heat and dating..... I'm a pilot too.
h0000 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 After the dating event I approached her at the bar so we talked for a while. When she saw that I was paying the check (Indicating I was about to leave) she immediately invited me to go dancing with her and her friends. As we danced, right after I lifted her up and swung her around, she started deep kissing me (Some kind of primal attraction to physical prowess). Then she told me she liked me. We spent some 3 hours talking afterward and I walked her to her apartment. At the door she invited me in to see the place and a few minutes later she said she needed to get some sleep and playfully said she had to kick me out. I walked to my car at 4 am. That same morning, at 10 am she texted me and said she had fun. Later that day we talked for 40 minutes on the phone and made plans for the following evening. Was this before the sex or after? And what were you trying to say? And does it matter anyway? She is done.
Author Thermals Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 I'll also add that I don't understand why alcohol has to play such a large part in dating and relationships. I must say that the alcohol was just another factor that added to the entire experience going south, no pun intended. What really killed MY mood was the fact that she was somewhat passive during sex. For example, she preferred to have me on top doing all the work while she lay. I kissed her all over while she barely ventured south of my neck. It wasn't until I ASKED her did she take Mr. Happy in her mouth. If I had to give us both a fair rating, I'd say that at least I tried in bed while she just lay there. But, it didn't bother me enough to be a deal breaker. Things like that can be fixed.
Satu Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Satu, I'm a pilot, but a friend of mine is a glider pilot. The name seemed fitting what with body heat and dating..... After the dating event I approached her at the bar so we talked for a while. When she saw that I was paying the check (Indicating I was about to leave) she immediately invited me to go dancing with her and her friends. As we danced, right after I lifted her up and swung her around, she started deep kissing me (Some kind of primal attraction to physical prowess). Then she told me she liked me. We spent some 3 hours talking afterward and I walked her to her apartment. At the door she invited me in to see the place and a few minutes later she said she needed to get some sleep and playfully said she had to kick me out. I walked to my car at 4 am. That same morning, at 10 am she texted me and said she had fun. Later that day we talked for 40 minutes on the phone and made plans for the following evening. By the way, my size is just fine. I've never had any complaints. I just liked her and put less emphasis on the sex and more emphasis on being with her. In fact, I took my time with the foreplay. I get the feeling that she really wanted some intense sex, but for one reason or another, it was the wrong time. If you feel that there is the potential for something good there, you could contact her again. You've got nothing to lose.
Author Thermals Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 Was this before the sex or after? And what were you trying to say? And does it matter anyway? She is done. This was two days before the sex. Not trying to say anything. Just trying to prevent myself from making the same mistake again. Whatever that mistake was.
h0000 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 This was two days before the sex. Not trying to say anything. Just trying to prevent myself from making the same mistake again. Whatever that mistake was. well you could wait to get to know the next person before sex. Or you improve your skills. Or you did nothing wrong and it's not you it's her.
Recommended Posts