brittanyymarie Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I don't want to make this super long... but it's been a month and a half now since my five year relationship ended. We're both 23, and we graduated university together about two years ago. He ended up deciding to join the army and he now lives in Georgia, where I currently live in Seattle & working. I was really worried about our future once he made that decision - because I didn't know if I wanted to be "a military wife" even though we always talked about our future and getting married soon. I also grew up as an army brat, and my dad was gone most of my childhood which was hard. I was also afraid the distance would grow us apart, and the army would change him. It was hard to communicate with him over there because he was so busy or not allowed phone time. When we broke up was when I last visited for his officer school graduation - we got in a huge fight. He failed to communicate with me that his real career goal was to be an army ranger & fight overseas and be deployed - that was his passion, and I've never seem him so happy about something. I knew and felt that our relationship was no longer a priority. The army was "the other woman". And I knew I couldn't give up my life in Seattle to move with him wherever he's stationed to ultimately still be alone while he's deployed constantly. I felt too confused with my own life to even make that decision. It wasn't fair, and I felt like I had to make that selfish decision, also because I didn't even know fully where my career was headed. We haven't spoken once since the breakup, and it's a daily struggle not to contact. I was going to marry this guy, and the next day it's literally all gone. It hurts that he hasn't once reached out, even though I know it wouldn't alleviate anything. I keep having lingering hope that I will see him next year, because a lot of rangers end up getting stationed in Fort Lewis, WA, and thats where he put his #1 choice to be stationed at when we were together. But I know I need to move on. Now that he's gone, I feel really empty, insecure, and realized I needed him to make me feel validated majority of the time. I am now in therapy and working on figuring out my self-worth and what I want in life. My therapist asked me "what do you think of yourself?" & I couldn't even come up with an answer and just started bawling. It's a process and a hard one. I've never really lived life "for me" before. I just want to wake up feeling normal again and happy. I'm frustrated that it's been this long and I still feel sad. Does anyone have any advice/support on finding yourself again and not feeling like I'm in a dark hole thinking about him constantly?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I suggest taking this like any other breakup. Keep strict no contact which you seem to be doing (good job), find new hobbies, work on yourself, ect... You mentioned that you've never really lived "for you" so take this opportunity to do just that. Get involved with whatever you've been interested in but for whatever reason haven't pursued. Get to know your single self, something society deems taboo for some reason. Based on what you've written about your therapy session(s), I would recommend meditation. I'm certainly no master at it but it does help relieve stress, maybe you'll learn more about yourself in the process. And remember you have a virtual support group here.
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