mmiller5373 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Dated this girl for a total of 2 months. She's really the first girl I've dated in 2 years. It started great, but it's been a roller coaster since about the 3rd week. Looks like it's finally over, which is good, but for some reason, I still can't get over it. I've been at my worst during the last two weeks. Drinking, emotional, getting angry, even acting somewhat like a stalker. It's all behavior that is completely unlike me and I'm wondering if my pride / ego is hurt. Basically, I started dating her and noticed her FB said she was still in a relationship. I asked her about it and she said she "forgot" to change it when she and her boyfriend broke up back in August. I thought it was odd, but I believed her and moved forward. Things were good, then about 3 weeks in, she started getting insecure -- always questioning why I wasn't responding to texts, why I wasn't trying to initiate dates, and who the girls in my life were. Then it blew up. A co-worker of mine kissed me at my birthday party and my girl walked in on it. She took off crying. I called and called and was finally able to convince her the next day that I am not into my co-worker. She believed me and we moved forward. From there, matters only got better for a bit, then things got really bad. On at least 3 occasions, I caught her in lies. She would say she was home or at some location, and then I would be out with friends and find her somewhere else. Somehow, she always managed to convince me that I was overreacting. I felt like there was something she wasn't telling me, so I finally ended it. She comes running back saying she doesn't want to lose me. I tell her, actions, not words. From that point on, she cancelled plans on me three times in a row. She was also not responding to texts as much and wouldn't answer the phone when I called. I told her I was done. Again, she comes running back saying she's having family problems. I stupidly listen and again, 3 times in a row, she cancels plans. I end it for good this time. 1 week later, I run into her at a bar and I'm very drunk. I make a fool out of my self and she leaves with her friend, and then I keep calling her on the phone trying to talk to her, but she doesn't pick up. Next day, she tells me to leave her alone. I apologize for my drunken behavior. 1 week later, I run into her again at another bar and once again, I'm very drunk. I say hi to her and then her friend comes up to me and tells me to move on. I say, look, man, I just want to know the truth. Was there someone else? He says, yes, she has been talking with her ex and she got back with him. He's here tonight. The next day, she texts me saying never to contact her again. That she's blocking me on FB and iPhone. I call her a liar and tell her I know the truth, she says her friend made up the story about her ex to get me to leave her alone. I'm not proud of my behavior over the last two weeks, but I guess I feel played. I saw the red flags and I just wanted to know the truth. And why is it so difficult for cheaters/liars to admit the truth even when you catch them in lies?
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Dude, you were the rebound guy. She never closed the door on her Ex, she always had a foot in. She tells you to leave her alone. But the next week you run into her with her "friend" and he told you that she's back with her Ex and that was that. The VERY NEXT DAY, after she already told you to leave her alone on not contact her, she text you to never contact her again. Why the hell is she contact you to inform you to never contact her again when she ALREADY told you this? Because she knows damn well that her friend talked to you and she was dying to know what was say, BUT she found out that he told you the truth! Now, since you know truth, she is now the bad guy and she didn't want to be. So, she texted you to try and tell you that what he said wasn't true. But, dollars to donuts it was the truth and that's why she's NOW blocking you from social media. See the stupid little game she's playing? Don't play along. Start NC and start making positive changes in your life. And cut back on the booze! It's making you do stupid crap like trying to confront her at a bar when your drunk off your ass.
Author mmiller5373 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 Thanks for the reply. I had a gut feeling going in that there was something she wasn't tell me. In fact, one of her friend told me that she recently broke up with the ex. She told me broke up with him in August. Add the cancellations and the lies, and I think you're right. She would cancel on me to meet up with him. When things were sour, she'd come running back. What I honestly can't believe though is that to this day, she can even admit and she is telling everyone else that I'm crazy and paranoid.
Ruby65 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Well, as soon as I heard that she was still "in a relationship" on Facebook I could predict what was coming next. Sorry, no one FORGETS to change their relationship status on Facebook. She was either still with the guy, still too broken up about the guy to change it, or trying to hide the breakup from her Facebook audience (probably in hopes it wouldn't be permanent.) The most alarming part about it was that, whatever her reason, she was lying to you about it. Which meant, from the start, she was lying about this guy. Why? She was either still with him or not over him yet. So yeah, I agree you were probably the Rebound Guy from the start. I think Chi has pretty much nailed it on what followed. She blocked you so she could pretend to be indignant and keep from being seen as the "bad guy" -- because if you could see her Facebook activities you'd see she's back with her ex. And if she gave you the chance to call and text her your apologies, she'd be the bad guy then for cheating on you with her ex. She's probably thrilled you acted out with some drunken misbehavior and she could block you so that would forever remain the "last word" between you.... it lets her be the victim, instead of what she was: a liar and a cheater. Seriously: bullet dodged.
Author mmiller5373 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 I guess the part that bothers me the most is that she kept making me feel bad about the women in my life. She kept accusing me of cheating when all along she was the one who did it. I saw the red flags and ignored them. On another note, mutual friends have told me her FB status changed back to in a relationship. Also, she has told some of these friends that I'm "paranoid, ignorant, and insecure" and that's why she ended it with me. Wow. Anyways, I've told everyone to stop informing me stuff because it just pisses me off.
Author mmiller5373 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 Anyone ever been through something similar and had obsessive thoughts about it? Her and this relationship seem to be plaguing my mind and I'm not quite sure why. The relationship didn't even last 2 months.
SoThatHappened Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 My life changed after getting rejected by a girl after only 2 months. I'm 35. Don't sweat it. After your story, here's what I have to add: - Bullet dodged. Seriously, man. The turbulence she put you through during what is supposed to be the honeymoon period is a huge red flag. - You were likely a rebound. Don't let it get you down. Many great guys have been rebounds. Not your fault, but hers for trying to use someone else to fill a "void" she couldn't fill on her own. Again, bullet dodged. - Control that drinking. Especially out in public. - Avoid places she may be. - Work on yourself. Let yourself go through all the stages and don't be afraid of it. Just let it flow. - Raise your standards. If a girl you meet starts showing red flags off the bat, run. Don't get emotionally attached and just run. I guess that's all I have for now.
Author mmiller5373 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 My life changed after getting rejected by a girl after only 2 months. I'm 35. Don't sweat it. After your story, here's what I have to add: - Bullet dodged. Seriously, man. The turbulence she put you through during what is supposed to be the honeymoon period is a huge red flag. - You were likely a rebound. Don't let it get you down. Many great guys have been rebounds. Not your fault, but hers for trying to use someone else to fill a "void" she couldn't fill on her own. Again, bullet dodged. - Control that drinking. Especially out in public. - Avoid places she may be. - Work on yourself. Let yourself go through all the stages and don't be afraid of it. Just let it flow. - Raise your standards. If a girl you meet starts showing red flags off the bat, run. Don't get emotionally attached and just run. I guess that's all I have for now. Thank you for the reply. I appreciate it. I'm doing my best to get back to feeling good about myself. Gym time and running usually helps. As for the drinking, it will be limited to social occasions, and of course, I won't be drinking as much. I think I've been drinking so much lately because of this emotional roller coaster I've been on. I also felt like this relationship's failure was my fault -- partly because of insecurities and partly because this girl told me it was my fault.
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