Is there a point when I should stop asking her out, even if her answer is always yes?

[Ulrich714]

preraph, I'm not going to disagree with that statement, except that I don't want a clingy teenager. I'm 33 years old, I'm over that type.

 

(for the record, she just turned 26)

 

What I DO need is good communication. When I text her and ask how her birthday weekend went and she responds within 2 minutes.....and then I ask her out and I don't hear a thing for 24 hours.....well.....

 

If you are busy, just say so. And well, go through two pages of topics on this forum and read all of the "we went out and made out and things seemed great, then POOF, she didn't want to be with me" posts and well, that's why I wonder if there is some gray area.

 

She did respond to my last message and she said she feels "like a chicken with its head cut off" so her week at work hasn't been going well. She didn't say anything about my latest date request, but okay. I'll back off a bit. But I feel like I have to press to hear that. And that's why I fear that sometimes I'm imposing myself on her.

 

Communication is all I ask for, that's all.

[BluEyeL]

If you want communication, you'd be better off talking on the phone than texting.

[fitnessfan365]

You feel that since you've known her for seven years and you two are finally dating, she should like you by now right? But here's the problem OP. It doesn't work that way. Things start from scratch once you become romantic. So you're not a guy she's known for seven years. You're a guy she just started dating.

 

Really think about that for a second. Pretend you didn't know her before you started dating. It's a new woman in your life. At this point, you've gone out a handful of times, made out some, held hands, and haven't had sex yet. So with how little romantic interaction you've had, is it honestly fair to expect more from her at this point? Give the woman some time to let her feelings develop and stop acting so insecure trying to force things.

[todreaminblue]

I dont think you need to do anything especially not take up gameplays..... just let time take its course...awkwardness for some lasts longer than the first date or the second or the third even.....if you like her give her time....let her open up naturally..the more time you spend with her....the easier it will probably be for her to let go of her shyness...thats what awkwardness normally is....is she worth it for you to give her time ?...good luck...deb

[Ulrich714]

I appreciate the feedback.

 

To be honest, and again I'm NOT bringing my ex into my dialogue with her, but I was with a woman who broke up with me multiple times in 5 years....Borderline Personality Disorder. It also made her attach to me quite quickly and want to me with me and around me all the time. It's an adjustment to this new girl who shows all signs of being mature and responsible and not distressed (although stressed) like preraph said.

 

I assume the worst if there is an irregularity with this new girl. I was honestly waiting for her to cut me off today. She didn't. She was short and stressed, but she didn't do that. It's the feelings I'm used to because I was with someone who did that constantly.

 

You're right. I need to give her space and let it play out. Three straight weeks of her hanging out with me like clockwork (and it going quite well) made me a little too hungry for more, and also spooked me a bit when it didn't continue like clockwork this time around. I still feel a bit weird, but at the same time I have plenty on my plate this week, too. Sometimes things don't work out and you let it sit for a while.

[losangelena]

You're right. I need to give her space and let it play out. Three straight weeks of her hanging out with me like clockwork (and it going quite well) made me a little too hungry for more, and also spooked me a bit when it didn't continue like clockwork this time around. I still feel a bit weird, but at the same time I have plenty on my plate this week, too. Sometimes things don't work out and you let it sit for a while.

 

I'm going to tell you what gets told to all the women on this site who are anxiously sitting by their phones—stay busy, put your focus elsewhere. Considering your relationship history, and your apparent anxiety over this woman, this is good practice for you to get used to what a healthy relationship feels like.

 

I'm like you—I prefer my relationships to be high-emotion and a constant back and forth. But that's not really falling in love with someone, that's unhealthy infatuation.

 

Sit on your hands for now. And keep going with this woman until you get a no.

[fitnessfan365]

I appreciate the feedback.

 

To be honest, and again I'm NOT bringing my ex into my dialogue with her, but I was with a woman who broke up with me multiple times in 5 years....Borderline Personality Disorder. It also made her attach to me quite quickly and want to me with me and around me all the time. It's an adjustment to this new girl who shows all signs of being mature and responsible and not distressed (although stressed) like preraph said.

 

I assume the worst if there is an irregularity with this new girl. I was honestly waiting for her to cut me off today. She didn't. She was short and stressed, but she didn't do that. It's the feelings I'm used to because I was with someone who did that constantly.

 

You're right. I need to give her space and let it play out. Three straight weeks of her hanging out with me like clockwork (and it going quite well) made me a little too hungry for more, and also spooked me a bit when it didn't continue like clockwork this time around. I still feel a bit weird, but at the same time I have plenty on my plate this week, too. Sometimes things don't work out and you let it sit for a while.

 

Well it's good you're reflecting a bit now.

 

I mean as you say, you've been going on a few dates over the course of three weeks. It's a bit unfair and unrealistic to expect a woman to be full on emotionally involved after such a short period of time. Granted, you've known her for seven years and it's easy to want to rely on that history. But you're romantic history is still brand few. That's how you should approach it IMO.

[todreaminblue]

I appreciate the feedback.

 

To be honest, and again I'm NOT bringing my ex into my dialogue with her, but I was with a woman who broke up with me multiple times in 5 years....Borderline Personality Disorder. It also made her attach to me quite quickly and want to me with me and around me all the time. It's an adjustment to this new girl who shows all signs of being mature and responsible and not distressed (although stressed) like preraph said.

 

I assume the worst if there is an irregularity with this new girl. I was honestly waiting for her to cut me off today. She didn't. She was short and stressed, but she didn't do that. It's the feelings I'm used to because I was with someone who did that constantly.

 

You're right. I need to give her space and let it play out. Three straight weeks of her hanging out with me like clockwork (and it going quite well) made me a little too hungry for more, and also spooked me a bit when it didn't continue like clockwork this time around. I still feel a bit weird, but at the same time I have plenty on my plate this week, too. Sometimes things don't work out and you let it sit for a while.

 

patience reaps its own rewards......time has a way of balancing out what is right and what is wrong....gives clarity and resolve ..as you said you do have a full plate too.....life goes on............i wish you well and hope time works for you ulrich.....deb

[michellew]

A month or not, you've technically only been on 3 dates, correct? I'd give it more time before you start expecting her to ask you out as well. She is probably just reserved and wants to be courted. If she doesn't start doing the inviting after a couple more dates, then maybe you should take a step back and let her come to you.

[Ulrich714]

I will say that I would be reacting this same way if she was someone I had just met. Knowing her for 7 years doesn't add any additional expectations.

 

So no one else finds it odd that the first few times I asked her out she accepted and put me in her calendar, but has been distant the last few days...which included a birthday out with her friends? I did kind of impose myself on her and asked her out when maybe she was just trying to include me in her political endeavors. But women want to be courted, right? Well, then why is she not responding to my latest request to hang out, even if she's busy and can't right now?

 

I want to blame it on work related stress and being quite busy, but I'm busy, too (I hold an educational management position - no, not a principal, ha) and still think about spending time with her. I still know when I'm available and want to spend one of those nights with her.

 

I think my approach will to be to talk to her about anything BUT hanging out, and see if it softens her a bit. I've been all "want to hang out this week?" every since that first date, so maybe scaling it back and just talking for a while will help. But hell, even doing THAT feels like I'm imposing myself on her. I need to get used to the "normal" way of talking to a girl - not having her respond 30 seconds later and talk to me ALL day, unlike my ex.

[Ulrich714]

An update on my situation with this girl:

 

She never responded to nor acknowledged my invitation to see a movie shortly after her birthday (post #24 in this thread). She also (this seems trivial, but I noticed) has stopped commenting on or even liking my posts on Facebook. She had been as we actively dated.

 

I left her alone for a week. She was leading the planning on a major fundraiser (over an entire weekend at a downtown hotel) and was posting Facebook status after status about being overwhelmed and hating the stress. Strangely, she would post, then delete it about 20 minutes later. Like she needed to vent, then reconsidered. I sent her a playful text that said "I know some great campgrounds in the mountains you can hide out in." and she responded "OMG, Thank you!" pretty quickly. Then she asked if I still wanted to come to her fundraiser, and I said of course I did.

 

I was direct with her and said "I know you have been busy and overwhelmed with (event) so I have purposely given you some space. After you are no longer brain dead (her words to me) and want to hang out, I would like that." She responded that she appreciated that and said "Thanks for the space."

 

I went to the fundraiser, but it just wasn't my thing. Lots of political glad handing and I honestly just went to see her. I said hi and we briefly talked, and all she really wanted to chat about was being exhausted. She got pulled away and I didn't see her again that night. I left without saying goodbye. I got a text from her about an hour later, "Did you leave?" I said yeah, I did, but thanks for inviting me. She said "Oh....okay then." Wow. Was that an emotion from her?

 

I texted her the next day (after seeing yet ANOTHER overwhelmed Facebook status) telling her she's doing an awesome job and it was all almost over. She said "I'm about to have a panic attack!" and that was that.

 

I texted her the next day, congratulating her on a successful event (her Facebook demeanor was jovial now, posting photos of the event left and right) and she seemed less stressed. I decided to ask her out this weekend (it's a group thing with people she and I used to work with) and she said yes, after she goes to a beer festival that same day. She may flake out on me, but said "I'll text you when I leave the beer festival to see if things are still going on."

 

We've texted semi-regularly over the last few days, making small talk. And here we are.

 

Again, she isn't shutting me down or telling me no or to stop, but she's not actively trying, either. At this point, I'm going to put a little pressure on her to hang out again and be a little more direct about seeing her and see if I get burned. I may. But hell, it's better than the ambiguity I've been putting up with over the last month and a half.

 

Any feedback?

[umirano]

Looks like she put a lot more on her plate than she can handle. Maybe she is unsuccessfully trying to prove something to herself or a superior.

 

In either case I don't think she's a good dating prospect at the time. Especially if you believe you can or should help her.

[Ulrich714]

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt considering this event she was wrapped up in truly was the biggest thing her occupation (and she, as the lead person) will do all year. But at the same time, there was very little indication from her that she wanted to keep seeing me. But now that it's over, she seems a little more open and talkative. And wants to hang out this weekend. But again, I ASKED, yet again.

 

And I definitely don't want to "help" or soothe her when it relates to her job and her life. I will accept that some of that is necessary in a dating relationship (people DO get stressed and frustrated) but I just went through that regularly with my ex for five years, where I was "taking care" of her emotionally most of the time. At some point, this new girl needs to open up and make more of an effort. I'm not sure if she will, or is willing to.