curious jane Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Any advice thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Here is my story i met a guy online a few months ago, he had gone through a break up so i was hesitant but he was sweet and reassuring - maybe even a bit needy (this is what i am thinking now). He would text me all through out the day saying kind sweet things, he lived a few hours away so he would come visit, and even met my parents, which i thought was a wee bit fast but sweet. i am looking for love, sick of being alone. So he moved to my city this weekend, i was there for him the whole time, held his hand let him cry on my shoulder helped him with the move, he wanted me there. He said so many kind big things and promises to me... then yesterday i go home and he is being a bit cold to me when i leave "take care, stay in touch" I get home the nice texts have stopped, i text him "everything okay" i get back i am fine, i am here for you kiddo" i have a panic attack thinking the worst, i have been used. I call him he tells me everything is fine, i am prolly feeling this way because i have been alone for so long and i am worried about getting hurt. He then goes on to tell me sweet things again, and flatter me... Today no texts from him nothing.. how does someone go from texting and confessing love to me every day to moving to where i am and now its gone ? its only been a few days so maybe he is dealing with ****, but i am so confused. and i am worried if i ask him "i miss all the sweet texts" i may seem needy or that i am pressuring him, and he is going through ****.. but i i have been there for him so much, if i have an issue i should inquire no ? bah it's so confusing.. i think i will give it a few more days and if still nothing i will confront.
Redhead14 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Any advice thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Here is my story i met a guy online a few months ago, he had gone through a break up so i was hesitant but he was sweet and reassuring - maybe even a bit needy (this is what i am thinking now). He would text me all through out the day saying kind sweet things, he lived a few hours away so he would come visit, and even met my parents, which i thought was a wee bit fast but sweet. i am looking for love, sick of being alone. So he moved to my city this weekend, i was there for him the whole time, held his hand let him cry on my shoulder helped him with the move, he wanted me there. He said so many kind big things and promises to me... then yesterday i go home and he is being a bit cold to me when i leave "take care, stay in touch" I get home the nice texts have stopped, i text him "everything okay" i get back i am fine, i am here for you kiddo" i have a panic attack thinking the worst, i have been used. I call him he tells me everything is fine, i am prolly feeling this way because i have been alone for so long and i am worried about getting hurt. He then goes on to tell me sweet things again, and flatter me... Today no texts from him nothing.. how does someone go from texting and confessing love to me every day to moving to where i am and now its gone ? its only been a few days so maybe he is dealing with ****, but i am so confused. and i am worried if i ask him "i miss all the sweet texts" i may seem needy or that i am pressuring him, and he is going through ****.. but i i have been there for him so much, if i have an issue i should inquire no ? bah it's so confusing.. i think i will give it a few more days and if still nothing i will confront. Moving is a stressful event. I'd give him some space. You be busy with your life and let him come to you. And, get in the habit of calling instead of so much texting. It can get old. Let him reach out to you first now though. If the next time he reaches out to you is via text, you call him instead of answering the text. And, even though you've been there for him and he seemed to appreciate it, it still might have been a little overwhelming for him. It's a big adjustment all around, new city, new home, and a budding relationship.
BluEyeL Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 He's just not that into you. Many men just want a texting pal and will retreat when faced with the prospect of bringing the relationship to life. It's a fantasy until you meet.
Redhead14 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 He's just not that into you. Many men just want a texting pal and will retreat when faced with the prospect of bringing the relationship to life. It's a fantasy until you meet. I'd agree with you about the texting, but they had met before he moved to her city and he apparently did that to be closer to her.
Author curious jane Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 Redhead - thank you i think that is some good advice, i know he is over whelmed, so am i, it's tricky i started to feel i was concerning myself so much with his well being that i forgot about my own. and so used to how he is with me, that as soon as he is not, my mind goes to the worst, so maybe i just need to be patient. feeling or getting upset because he is not giving me what he was, but perhaps you are right, i should give space, and space might be good for me too. Not that into me comment - i really hope that is not the case, but a fear is, he was being super needy and needed attention. I will hope for the best. Getting so tired of the dating scene.
SweetLikeCinnamon Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 i think i will give it a few more days and if still nothing i will confront. I think you gave yourself the best advice here. Leave it a a couple of days so that *you* don't come off to needy, then confront which will give him the opportunity to end things if he wants to, and you will also be put out of your misery instead of wondering. It is also possible that he has stuff going on though as often when someone else has their own issues it's easy for us to assume it's us when it isn't. The situation does seem bit confusing though. Hope it works out
Redhead14 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Redhead - thank you i think that is some good advice, i know he is over whelmed, so am i, it's tricky i started to feel i was concerning myself so much with his well being that i forgot about my own. and so used to how he is with me, that as soon as he is not, my mind goes to the worst, so maybe i just need to be patient. feeling or getting upset because he is not giving me what he was, but perhaps you are right, i should give space, and space might be good for me too. Not that into me comment - i really hope that is not the case, but a fear is, he was being super needy and needed attention. I will hope for the best. Getting so tired of the dating scene. Space is a great thing. My SO and I find that when things are feeling a little off, usually because there is something stressful going on in the background or sometimes we're just too "used" to each other, we'll take a couple of days to ourselves and when one or both of us gets recharged, so to speak, we are back in the swing of things and full on again We always talk to one another about it though. We simply tell each other that we need some "me" time so that we don't get worried that there's something really wrong between us. We give a heads up to each other. Be cognizant of what's going on around the relationship before you start assuming or wondering if it's you. If everything else up to that point has been good and something else is going on, just give a little room. If you start worrying that it's about "you", you'll get clingy and possibly put more pressure and then it does become about you . "i started to feel i was concerning myself so much with his well being that i forgot about my own." -- this statement is the reason I suggested space and that he may have felt a little smothered. This is what we women do But, that sometimes makes a man uncomfortable. If you find out it is about you, so be it. Take it one day at a time.
katiegrl Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 >>I was there for him, helped him the move, let him cry on my shoulder<< -- What was he *crying* about? Now that he has moved to your city, he may be feeling overwhelmed by the reality of the situation. When you were in different cities, time together, in person, was limited, so there was a lot of time to fantasize and think about you....miss you. Now that he is there, he may be feeling a bit suffocated, not because YOU are suffocating him, but suffocated (mentally and emotionally) by the situation. Too close for comfort so to speak. It's a big adjustment! I would suggest giving him space right now, as Redhead suggested. Give him time to work things through in his head. Try not to take it personally, it's not you. It's him. The reality of the situation has hit....and he is "freaking out" a bit about what it all means. He's probably thinking - What are the expectations/obligations now that we're in the same city, etc. Time will tell, but for now give him space and let him be. Good luck and keep us posted!
Recommended Posts