Linlin Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 My H had an affair over a year ago with a friend of ours. I kicked him out, sold our house and bouth a new house for the kids and I. I have never attempted to reconcile with him or lead him to believe that I would do that. His relationship with the person he had the affair with lasted 5 months. I told him that I want to move forward with a dirvorce. Everything has been separated and decided with finances, kids, etc. over a year ago. Now he is totally hostile with me and refuses to give me a divorce. He told me that he would not sign the papers. He does not want to be divorced. I told him I will do it with or without his cooperation. I feel that this is a way to maintain power and control over me. He wants me to be his friend. I thought maybe at first I could do it for the sake of the kids, but I really don't want anything to do with him. Any ideas what might be going on here?
Mz. Pixie Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Linlin- He knows he f'd up and now he wants you back. He probably thought while he was seeing the OW that he wanted a divorce. Now, he isn't so sure and is having second thoughts. He thinks he can get you to reconsider yada yada. You're positive you don't want him back or won't go to MC? If you are, then I would move towards getting an attorney. He doesn't have to "give" you a divorce. You can still get one, although it will be more drawn out and painful. Getting a divorce is like a death...........
Author Linlin Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Yes, I am done like dinner. I think I will have to see a lawyer. I did my grieving and reached a point in January where I put this relationship to rest. I don't hate him anymore, I nothing him. There is no feelings or emotions. I don't wish him ill will or anything. I just want to move forward with my life.
tiki Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Tell him you cheated on him. People are sooooo in denial if they won't give you a divorce. It's like you yelling "I can't stand you" and they are holding their ears saying "lalalala".
Author Linlin Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by tiki People are sooooo in denial if they won't give you a divorce. It's like you yelling "I can't stand you" and they are holding their ears saying "lalalala". I love it. I can just picture him doing it. I do think unfortunately an attorney is the way to go. He keeps saying that he will give me a divorce when I am going to get remarried or he is. Why not just get it over now. Everything has been separated anyway.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Yeah, there's a reason here Linlin- somewhere. Could it be financial?? Correct me if I'm wrong but was it you who was wondering why he was being so nice to you earlier- dropping by to do stuff at your place for you? I can't remember- do you guys have kids? That makes it hard. At first I didn't hate my exh, but he was so evil to me during the divorce process that at times it's hard to muster up any good feelings for him whatsoever- even though we were together half our lives!
Author Linlin Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 No Ms. Pixie He has never been around my place to do anything. He never did when we were married, so why would he start now. It could be financial from his stand point. He has to pay support for the kids and I make more than he does. I really think that he thought that we would separate for a while, then I would forgive and take him back. He has done some many terrible things to me and the kids (2 of them 7 and 4) that I could never forgive him and take him back. Like I said above. I nothing him anymore. He is grasping at all sorts of straws and comments. Although he says he doesn't love me anymore and that he doesn't want to get back together( he echoed this after I told him this), but won't sign divorce papers. He says that I lied to him about everything. I told him that I would be "friendly" in front of the kids and he took this to be his friend. A friend of mine pointed out the fact that I now look really good and doing well in my life, bought a house, advancing in career and have tons of new friends and new interests, that he is probably jealous comparing my new life to his. I just don't know. He drives me crazy sometimes.
sami Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 That's something you both need to sit down and talk it out as responsible adults. The sooner the better, otherwise it will become an ugly fight that will take forever in courts.
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