ggas Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 A few weeks ago my ex (that left me for her ex) contacted me after 3 months of NC to see if I'm OK. I told her that I'm OK and that I hope she's OK. She tried to make small talk but I told her we are not friends are that we won't be friends. Two days ago, I received through a mutual friend a gift from her. It was my favorite cake. I was a bit in shocked. I wrote her a simple thank you and she then again started to talk to me to congratulate me on my new job and all. And then again attempted to have a conversation with me. I politely reiterated that we are not friends and that I am sorry. She said she's sorry too and that she just wants me to be happy. I felt a bit guilty for not wanting to be friends but I think my principles and the way our breakup went down makes it very hard for me to be friends. It is of course irrelevant why she wrote me. I wonder how her boyfriend would feel about it. It is not of my concern but still... am I crazy? am I a bad person for declining to be friends with her? for avoiding awkwardness and other pointless drama? I kept my dignity and moved out of her life when I found out what was going down between her and her ex/now lover again. There are some who would say this makes me immature. I would just like to ask why? What is your opinion on this? is she trying to guilt trip me here? It sure feels like it. Is it possible to be friends with an ex who was not emotionally honest? Perhaps it is the case that I am wrong on this. Just want to know what you guys think. My perspective is that friendships should be symmetric
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 If you had stuck to NC then you wouldn't have had any of these problems. Go back to NC and this time stick to it properly. Tell your mutual friend that you aren't interested in hearing about her, having any messages passed on from her, or receiving any more gifts from her. 3
Nolan 93 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I feel the same way about friendship issue. My ex left me for her ex and honestly I can't see my self ever being friends with her. I guess I had really strong feelings for her and I can't live a lie knowing I don't have any feelings for her and remain friends. I think you are mature, were polite through the texts and short in response. They gave you up as a romantic partner I see it as either were a couple or just another failed relationship. Hey but enjoy the cake lol probably sent that to relieve some guilt. 2
seminoles84 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Had same issue. Ignore, don't be friends... I won't work out in your favor. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 You never should have accepted the cake from the mutual friend. You should have left the cake with that 3rd person & told them to tell your EX thanks for the cake but if you really care about me you will stay away. 2
mightycpa Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 The thing about being friends is that you have to be genuinely enthusiastic about the other person's welfare and happiness. This is not something you can force, and this is why it is difficult for you to be friends. In a way, your feelings are selfish. Not only do you want her to be happy and in love, you want that to be with you. You don't feel that way with any of your other friends, only with her. So this is an extremely important aspect to your relationship with this person that is different from your run-of-the-mill friends. You have to not only be willing to watch your friend date other people, **** them and fall in love, you have to be rooting for that. You have to be excited for them when it happens, genuinely happy, and you'll want to hear all about it, and make her new friend your new friend. That doesn't sound like you quite yet. In a nutshell, that's the trouble. If you can feel that for your ex, you can be friends. And if you think about it, she must feel that way, and that's how she can be more than willing to be friends with you. It's not immaturity. It's desire, and as long as you possess even a little of this kind of desire for her, "friends" is pretty much out of the question. She obviously can't empathize with you on this, and that speaks to her repeated attempts to have that kind of relationship with you even when you've told her no. You may never be able to feel that way, or when you do, you may not even care enough to have that friendship. So don't worry about it, go back to NC, and try to stick with it this time. Personally, I'd have thrown the cake away in front of my friend and told him that I didn't want anything to do with her. That message would have gotten back to the ex without even having to utter the words "Tell her..." 2
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Yes, it's a guilt trip! But, it isn't your guilt trip she's to give to you. She dumped you and left you for someone else. After the honeymoon phase of getting back with her Ex wore off, she started to think on how crappy she handled everything. The one thing about most girls is that they can't stand the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them, or doesn't think that they're a nice person. So, she reaching out to you to see if this is the case. To see where your head is at. I mean, she's hoping beyond hope that you would talk to her as if you're long lost friends so that she could say to herself "Oh look! We broke up, I'm with someone new and me and the Ex get along fine. No hard feelings. I guess the break up was for the best!" Then, she would be able to ease her guilt. I mean, come on dude! She broke up with you, went back to her Ex and as a consolation prize you get a frickin cake?!?! Dude, if she tries to contact you again, just ignore it. 3
Author ggas Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 After reading all your comments I feel much better. I mean you can't cure lack of honesty with a friggin cake. It's nice and all but I know what her intentions are and I am happy I reacted the way I did. I was respectful and yet I've set boundaries! She can bake cake for her bf all day long. I am out of her life and you know what. I am doing awesome 2
erklat Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 She said she's sorry too and that she just wants me to be happy. She's guilt tripping you right here. Don't entertain her pathetic attemps.
Hopeful714 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Send a pizza with pepperoni arranged to say F~off. Just kidding of course!
OneBigIdgit Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 better have somebody taste test that cake. Knocking you off would probably ease her guilt further on down the road, lol
Recommended Posts