mstie Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I know this will bother some but I have a real issue meeting with someone disabled. When I say that I mean someone who doesn't work. Am talking to a guy now disabled for anxiety and gi issues. I don't know his issues, his past. I'm trying not to fall back on my prejudice. He seems perfectly nice. Now, I try not to judge. I really do. I've been through some hard times. I have anxiety and gi issues. Also gout. But I work. Some days are a struggle but I keep going. I watched my mother go into work on a walker for 4 years. She took some time off when she was going through chemo. She had diabetes and heart disease, but she worked up until the day she died. Her brother is in his 60s and is still working part time. He fought in the war. Still has night terrors and has battled cancer 3 times. There are other people like my best friend. She has to wear a diaper because of crohn's disease, it's really bad. And another with ms, every day for her is a struggle. I have these people in my life. They keep me going. Because no matter how bad I feel, they have it worse.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I wouldn't, no. Absolutely not judging someone who can't work due to their disability, but as I want to build a life and home and family with somebody I want someone with equal capacity to provide for me and our potential kids. I don't want to be someone's carer or provide for someone financially. I don't think that makes me a bad person. If I met and fell for someone and we built a life together then they were suddenly unable to work then I would stand by them of course and do what it took to keep things going. But straight off the bat, I wouldn't date someone who was unemployed whatever the reason, unless they had a decent work history and were very temporarily unemployed and job seeking. I've been through living in poverty and now I've dragged myself up and into a professional, respected and well paid job I have zero desire to plummet back down again, and if my salary was covering two of us plus kids that's exactly where we'd be. 2
La.Primavera Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Some people are capable of dealing with their issues, others are crippled by them. Although you identify with having similar issues as him, it is possible his condition is more severe than you realize. It's nice of you to try to look past your prejudice but don't think you are doing him any favors by dating him if you feel strongly about the issue because in the long run your true feelings will come out, possibly in a moment of frustration and you will hurt him more than a rejection would now. Think carefully about how you truly feel before you get too involved with him.
elaine567 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I wouldn't, no. Absolutely not judging someone who can't work due to their disability, but as I want to build a life and home and family with somebody I want someone with equal capacity to provide for me and our potential kids. I don't want to be someone's carer or provide for someone financially. I don't think that makes me a bad person. I get all that, re finance but what if they could provide for themselves financially, through inheritance or some other sort of unearned income?
fardaxel Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I agree with mstie. I see many people with a myriad of disabilities who able to work. Anxiety is difficult, but it is very treatable.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I get all that, re finance but what if they could provide for themselves financially, through inheritance or some other sort of unearned income? Hmm good question. Well for starters they'd have to have one hell of an inheritance in order to be able to average my yearly income for the rest of their working lives, I'm not even on the national average wage and having done some calculations they'd have to have almost £1m inheritance coming to equal what I would bring to table if I stayed at this wage the rest of my working life. It would be a pretty unusual situation. It's hard to say. On one hand I really don't think I would be compatible with somebody who didn't work, whatever the reason. But there are outliers. For example one of my best friends really can't work due to a degenerative brain disease, he was given six months to live seven years ago and the consultants are kinda blind now as it's almost unheard of for anyone to live this long with what he has. He used to be a teacher and work like crazy but he can't work now, he has blood transfusions every few weeks lasting one week in hospital, frequently has days he's so nauseous he can hardly sit up straight in bed and is on morphine every day. But despite being unable to work a paid job he does a lot of hard work on the days he can function, he's a tireless campaigner for his political party, volunteers at our local suicide line and even recently published his first book on political history. I could date someone like that I think who still works tirelessly for others and makes the most of every day possible. He's amazing. But he's the only person I know like that, and even he is living below poverty due to being on social security. But in many ways I consider him to work, despite not being paid, so I guess if he also had a good income from some other source then it would be fine. Interesting question.
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