Missing my Fling

[Capri411]

I met this very attractive man back in mid December. We were both initially very attracted to one another and discussed having a friend with benefits type of relationship. We talked on the phone every day, sometimes several times a day. He's a really funny, intelligent, and although he did have financial struggles, he is hard-working. We'd spend time together which was always great, and proved to heighten our attraction for one another. So with our relationship status established, two short weeks after meeting we were intimate on New Years Day and it was amazing! He soon started becoming upset because he said that he was always the one making the phone calls and reaching out to me. He'd go days without calling then he'd call with an attitude stating that if he didn't call he'd never hear from me. He was right, because I was trying not to get too attached. The guy is six years my junior (I'm 47, he's 41) although I'm told on a constant basis that I look mid 30ish. Also, in our very early conversations he stated that he had not been in a serious relationship for 7 years and said until he got himself established, he wasn't interested in one. With that said, I knew to back off when I found myself developing deeper feelings for him. Even though it was only 1 month, talking extensively on the phone with someone and spending a couple days a week with them can be enough time to develop feelings. So. As a distraction, I met someone which was perfectly within my right given the nature of our relationship. I told the FWB that I met someone and that I was ending what we had to pursue a deeper relationship. He got upset which I found strange. He asked how I knew he wasn't interested in pursuing a deeper relationship. To which I answered that he would have made it evident. So I've been seeing the other guy for about three months now and I'm trying to make it work. Truth is, I've never once been able to stop thinking about the other guy. I saw the FWB last week and text him for the first time since January to say hi and I hope all is well. His response was about how I left him and had a bit of an angry tone. He called me while I was replying and seemed as if he was harboring some anger. I told him again that I was developing feelings for him and knew I was breaking the rules so I backed off. Again he asked how I knew how he felt and whether he wanted more. My opinion is that when a man wants more, he'll let you know. He asked if we could resume our relationsip to which I said no. I Realized that I'm not the "fling" type of woman and even though I am ending my current relationship, my emotions run too deep to try rekindling something casual. However, I do want to be a friend to him without the sexual benefits. Do you think that's possible and how do I make that happen?

[adamastor]

Let's see..Engaging in a friends with benefits situation can be tricky as it can only work when both parties accept to share sex and nothing else. I believe part of reason your fling ended up in a misunderstanding is that you spent a lot of time talking on the phone, something that sounds more like a romantic relationship than something purely physical. IMO FWB arrangements can only work if they involve people you interact only for intimacy, and last for a short period of time.

[Capri411]

I agree with you completely. I'm not sure about him, but this was the first (and last) relationship of this type for me so I didn't realize that we were in error. I think that constant communication and spending time "outside of the bedroom" together contradicted our definition of our friendship. Thanks for the valuable feedback. I feel enlightened!