Men don't get emotional

[Reknilp]

I was taught at a young age from my dad(career military) that men aren't supposed to get emotional, that's for women.

 

My divorce was finalized on April 10th of this year. I hated her for everything she's worth after the seperation. After a few months of being seperated I started to question how much of it was my fault that drove her away.

 

A few months after we separated I went to my stepdaughtera game, she's a cheerleader. While their I saw my ex with her her ex(stepdaughters dad) and didn't think nothing of it at first. Towards the end of the game I realized it was more than just a casual meeting between the two. I left quickly when I realized that my emotions were taking control of my body instead own free will, not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but myself.

 

I met someone, she was so nice and everything, anyone could ever ask for but I kept feeling like I still had feelings for my ex. I broke it off with her because I can't drag someone else down with me.

 

My sisters are begging me to talk to someone, assuming they mean a psychiatrist. I've never been big on telling a complete stranger, heck no one for that matter, about my emotions or what I'm feeling. So this is the best I can do for now, talk/chat to people that don't know me from a hole in a wall.

 

In the last few months Ive realized that I've formed a bad drinking habit. As I type this I'm actually sober. Usually I get off work and I come home and set on the porch and just start drinking. I don't know why to be honest. I know it's over, for some reason drinking just seems to numb the pain.

 

My company has just expanded into KY. As soon as I get my finances in order I think I'll be transferring up their, I'm currently in NC. I'm hoping by that time I'll either be over her or hoping the move will help me get over her.

 

To be honest I'm not sure if this post has any real purpose. I just read back over it and it just feels as if I'm just rambling on and on. I'm not in a hurry to meet someone really, I just want to be happy and enjoy my life. I was with her for about 14 years and it's really hard for me to walk away from that for any reason.

 

Chris

[carhill]

IMO cultivate a male friend whom you can call your 'best' friend and learn to trust each other sufficiently to be vulnerable and put aside typical male stoicism and competition. IME, that's a real good outlet. My best friend and I do our best male bonding over projects. He was instrumental in assisting me in recovering from my divorce. However, I can't discount the psychological help gleaned from going through MC with my exW before we divorced. What I found was it helped clarify the emotions and separate them out from a jumble of stuff to more discrete and better understood and communicated feelings and thoughts. Does it 'fix' getting hurt or angry? Nope! IME, it simply helps process the feelings in clearer and more apparent form.

 

Just keep throwing stuff at the wall and see what sticks. Avoid contact with your ex as much as possible. Good luck!

[loveboid]

It could be that you're drinking to fill a void that you feel should be filled with your wife's love. If that's the case I recommend you realize there are no shoulds. Maybe that will help you kick the booze. That kind of thinking and booze don't help.

 

Keep loving yourself. If you're not sure how, this is a great time to learn.

[BC1980]

IMO, men have the same emotions as women, but they are socialized to hide them. Women are socialized to show their emotions. If you don't feel your emotions, they will come out in another way (drinking, for example). I think your sisters are right that you should see a therapist. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.