jcm101 Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Been with her a year now I love her.. She has put on some weight since. She was never the skinny girl but she put on some pounds. Her eating habits are sort of disturbing to say the least. It's not even like she eats a lot of crap she just eats so much it disgusts me. She's not obese or anything. I know she knows she has put on weight because she always says things like "ugh im so fat" "ugh i look gross". I know girls always bash themselves saying how bad thye look in pictures but she takes it to absurd levels. Like, she'll ask her friend to take a picture of us or me take one of her and someone nad literally needs to do the picture over 50x because she complains how she looks. I try to get her to run with me and such but she has a busy schedule. The main thing is I hate how she brings down herself all the time. Would it be wrong next time she says something like that to have a talk with her or something? For example, if I show her a pic of us I have from an event, she's likely going to say how fat she looks..what can I respond?
Gloria25 Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 There's always time for a workout - you gotta make it... I, over the years have had so many changes in schedules...yea, sometimes I miss a workout or so, but I get back on the wagon quick. It's like brushing your teeth, make it part of your schedule. All you need is 30min - 1hr a few times a week. But really, diet is the first place to start. To my fav podcaster, love is considered: awe, respect, admiration...I wouldn't feel any of those for someone who is lazy and makes up excuses for stuffing their face and not moving. I mean, the weather is so lovely this weekend. I watch some of my neighbors. They go to work/school/etc and just lock themselves indoors. A 30 min walk with/without their pets is gonna kill them? That's just lazy to me...lazy isn't attractive.
Author jcm101 Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 There's always time for a workout - you gotta make it... I, over the years have had so many changes in schedules...yea, sometimes I miss a workout or so, but I get back on the wagon quick. It's like brushing your teeth, make it part of your schedule. All you need is 30min - 1hr a few times a week. But really, diet is the first place to start. To my fav podcaster, love is considered: awe, respect, admiration...I wouldn't feel any of those for someone who is lazy and makes up excuses for stuffing their face and not moving. I mean, the weather is so lovely this weekend. I watch some of my neighbors. They go to work/school/etc and just lock themselves indoors. A 30 min walk with/without their pets is gonna kill them? That's just lazy to me...lazy isn't attractive. Well I should rephrase lol she does workout but only two or three times week kickboxing. So is there anything I can say or offer help?
Gloria25 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Well I should rephrase lol she does workout but only two or three times week kickboxing. So is there anything I can say or offer help? Well, IMO, we can't "mold" people into what we want them to be. If she's gaining weight and/or always was a bit "heavier" - that's who she is and IMO, you have no requirement to "encourage" her to do a thing. I mean, you can tell her in a positive way that she has a smokin' hot bod and you'd hate to see her losing it...and, that you wish she'd share some activities with you. That way you are putting her on notice (in a polite and positive way) that you are not cool with her dietary habits, level of physical activity, and appearance... If then, she doesn't give a hoot then I guess you gotta decision to make. I mean, we are who we are, but if you don't wanna take care of your appearance for yourself and/or your partner - then what do you expect? Like me, I pick my skin a lot out of anxiety...If I meet someone I intend to date and/or am in a RL, I work hard to stop doing it cuz I don't like showing them a body full of scabs and scars...That's what you do, you do your best to present yourself to a partner.
preraph Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Nothing you can do without alienating her. Stay active and hope she stays interested in being active. I mean, she's working out three times a week. That's a lot as long as she's actually working out and not just sitting in the sauna or cafe. Don't hound her. If you see some positive result of her workouts like she's getting a little definition in her arm or leg, by all means, mention you can see her arm or leg is getting more toned and brag on her for that. That's really the only kind of encouragement you can give someone who's already insecure and punishing herself. If she gets depressed because she feels you're judging, then she really won't have much motivation to get up and go.
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 she just eats so much it disgusts me. For example, if I show her a pic of us I have from an event, she's likely going to say how fat she looks..what can I respond? If she disgusts you why are you even with her? To me it sounds like you are using her. If you can't wholeheartedly say you look beautiful to me just the way you are, get out of her life. I gained weight since being married so I know it's a touchy subject. DH simply tells me I'm beautiful when I express my insecurities. 1
Mr Carson Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 She definitely sounds like she has self-esteem issues and it sounds like shes comfort eating. It's tough to broach this subject without hurting her or looking like an a$$. Do you really care for her? Can you live with her weight?
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