brandonjo Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Hi guys, first post. Although I've been here before I've now decided to join. I am a 21 year old college student. My first love "M" is 17 now, almost 18. We broke up one week ago. "M" and I met at the start of 2014, at this time I was more confident than ever before. I had many girls pursuing me, but "M" seemed to standout from the rest. We connected and fell in love. It's important to note that when we fell for each other I was extremely popular and had many friends; however, as our relationship became stronger I lost contact with almost all my friends. I cut off girls that were chasing me to make "M" happy. I did not know any better, this being my first serious relationship. "M" was an amazing girl. Beautiful, smart, kind. But she was also insecure and jealous. I'm going to breakdown my relationship into three stages. There was from January 14-March 14 where we were only speaking to each other. Obviously we were deeply attracted to each other. Then from March to October we got in a relationship and experienced everything from the greatest highs to the lowest lows. Neither of us knew how to be in a relationship. I would make demands such as asking her to cutoff friends of hers I did not like, ask her to stop going to parties, talking to guys. She would ask I stop posting as much on social media, stop talking to girls. I would demand time out of her and would be hurt when I didn't get it. In October we broke up for the first time. It was extremely messy. I gave her an ultimatum after she had gone to a party I did not like. She ended it. I begged and pleaded, then went NC for 12 hours. In that 12 hours she begged me to come back, which I did. Then I became needy and insecure and we went off and on for the next month before finally reconciling in late November. After our reunion things went extremely smooth, I realized I could not put everything I had into our relationship and must love myself before loving us. Now we get to the second breakup. November-late April. About a month before this I could feel her beginning to drift away. She was busy; however, she could make time to see me if she wanted to. I began acting like an ******* in hopes that if I appear to be drifting away she will regain attraction. Finally, a week ago, after not seeing each other for 2 weeks, she decided she wanted to spend the night with her family instead of me; although we have a long history of spending time together with her family. I got angry, broke it off, said things such as "you're not worthy of me" and "do you even know who I am" (very insecure things), then took it back. Her prom was the following week and I told her I did not want to go with her. She eventually broke it off with me. Writing this all out, it seems very dramatic, but we had a great relationship. First everything from serious relationship to sex. The thing that is making it hardest to move on is the person I am after she left. I have no social circle to come back to. My family is extremely negative and boring, while hers were everything I enjoyed. Down to earth, kind people. I can't get into details with my home life, but my family are not people I want to be around. They are all I have now. "M" and I's relationship was my escape. I became very close with her family and I have all kinds of great memories with her. From the zoo, to movies, to hanging out at her house, memorial day, pumpkin patch, making cookies. Now I am alone, with no activities outside of school, which is about to end. I don't know what to do. I cling to hope that she will come back, as after this recent breakup I did not beg and met with her two days later. We talked, ominous comments were made, such as "its probably good we broke up when we did because I have so and so coming up and we wouldn't have seen each other much. When I dropped her off we exchanged "you're going to be okay" and goodbyes and compliments, cried and hugged. That was that. No contact since. (5 days ago). This girl was suicidal and I was always there for her. She constantly seeked validation and was very self conscious. In the end she said we didn't click and I could tell some of the things I said in our last argument got to her. I feel terrible for taking a hit at her already low self esteem. I apologized, but if this is the last time we speak, that's probably how she'll remember me. As of where we stand now, undoubtedly her parents are against us ever getting back together again, as they are well aware the pain it causes every time this happens. She has her circle of friends and she will find a new guy soon enough I'm sure. As for me, I'm seeking out internships and spend most of my time online seeking help for my heartbreak. I want to join groups and rebuild my social circle but with the school year ending, so are the opportunities. I thought writing and getting advice on this site may bring me some comfort. I'm in deep depression and miss this girl very much. I see she fell out of love with me, but it was by my own doing. There were never real deal breakers such as lying and cheating. We spoke of marriage, babies, and forever. I want to move on by life circumstances are preventing me from doing so. This is just a terrible situation. I feel my world is ending. I feel rejected, ashamed, and as if no one likes me. I have a few friends but I just miss my ex so much, she saved me from this boring life. Her family and her were exciting, modern, and beautiful people. My family is boring and old fashioned. It was so refreshing and I could feel the positive impact our relationship had on me. I guess my problem was having nothing to give in return. Telling my story helps..
spiderowl Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry to hear what happened. I can imagine you are feeling very low at the moment. Things will improve but I know it doesn't feel like it at the time. The first thing that strikes me about your situation is the age gap. While a four-year age gap would be fairly insignificant for people in their fifties say, in your age group it is significant. When I was your age, my peers were pairing off into serious relationships and some were getting engaged, whereas four years earlier they were seeking a boyfriend or girlfriend but the relationships did not often last long. I think your girlfriend was likely to split off from you because she is of the age when she is still finding herself and wondering about her future. To a certain extent, you have a better idea what you want now than she is likely to have. You are bound to miss her and lots of things associated with her. You were very involved so it must be a terrific shock. I'd like to say you will get over it quickly but there will be a period of distress and sadness before you start to come out of this. Talk to friends and family and post here and people will listen. I'm no expert on relationships but what I have learned is that you can learn a lot while in them and a lot when they end. I found a desperate need to ask 'why?' and 'what had I done to make this happen?'. In the end though, one person grows apart for whatever reason and their feelings change. Often they don't know why their feelings have changed so how can you expect to know? It's best to just accept that you won't understand this and work on how to make yourself feel better. There is a recovery guide pinned to this forum I believe which is well worth a read. People will say go 'no contact' and that might well help you. At least you won't be expecting a call. There will be someone else for you, someone who is a better match, bear that in mind even if you don't feel you want them at the moment. xxx Edited April 26, 2015 by spiderowl
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