preraph Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I'm not sure you can avoid dating them if you're dating, but you won't be dating them for long, usually, if you don't sleep with them right away. Yes, there are a few who would take that as a challenge and continue to see if you were going to come around, but most will get distracted and bail. So don't sleep with them or do anything to get them off for a month or two. I think most will bail by the 3rd or 4th date. Of course, for online dating profiles, put that you are looking for a serious relationship and likes to take things slowly. I realize hardly anyone reads the profile, especially players but you can always point that out to them the first time they contact you. Say, "Did you read my profile? I'm looking for a serious relationship and taking it slow."
BluEyeL Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 (edited) I dunno, if the chemistry is there, a good guy certainly CAN make a girl swoon! My good guy boyfriend did. Still does! I hear you. It's not an exact science, it's more of an art. Edited April 28, 2015 by BluEyeL
smackie9 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Lol - Judging from some of the Women's responses on here, I get a feeling some of you actually LIKE dating players? Nah not me....I worked in a night club for 4 1/2 years....saw plenty and I also had a few guy friends that were players. They are pretty transparent to me.
Blade96 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 sometimes players do talk about it with female friends. I have a friend now who admitted to me that he was a player.
SawtoothMars Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 This is nonsense. That's exactly what a lot of women end up doing and erode their self esteem and waste their times by believing THEY can change a man and his bad behavior is based on them. It's not. A player chooses to be a player and it's his own deal and it doesn't matter who you are. My suggestion is: take things slow and observe if a man's actions are matching his words or if he is just full of sweet words but is non-committal and gives mixed messages. You cannot 100% guarantee never to get caught up with a player, but you can limit the amount of time you waste by seeing what it is relatively quickly and exiting stage left before you're too emotionally invested. Taking things slowly helps with being able to observe. Also be upfront about what you're looking for and LISTEN to what he says he is looking for and if his actions match. Many players aren't even all that good at lying, many tell the truth in fact but because of attitudes, like the nonsense above about how if you're worthwhile a player will change , many women ignore a guy who says he doesn't want a relationship, who avoids the questions, who is unclear, who says he is having fun etc and think if they sleep with him more, love him, do things for him and act like a good gf or wife he will change his mind...no...listen and observe and if he isn't acting and doing things that show he is serious, exit. I can understand how this seems like nonsense to you. Most of the posters here are focusing on different "types" of players, while I'm positing a somewhat more general idea. I believe that when women talk about players it often isn't just 1 or 2 douchebags stringing along 200 women. I think it most likely that most guys will act as players given certain circumstances. Meaning that guy you are convinced is a player, because he strung you along and wouldn't commit... likely would not act that way with someone else. In other words, just because a guy isn't willing to marry YOU doesn't mean he isn't interested in getting married. The whole thing is about emotional engagement. Women have to learn how to get a guy emotionally engaged with them. The vast majority of women I've dated were very lazy at this. However, I did get the opportunity to date a few that are truly amazing. What I learned from that experience is that when she makes me feel something special... I will move mountains to make things work. I know a lot of people talk about "chemistry" as if it's some form of magic or pheromonal fate. That is frankly ridiculous, because I can point to very specific things my wife does and says that make me feel. The term chemistry is just a catchphrase for that. The chronically stupid will never understand this. 1
katiegrl Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) I can understand how this seems like nonsense to you. Most of the posters here are focusing on different "types" of players, while I'm positing a somewhat more general idea. I believe that when women talk about players it often isn't just 1 or 2 douchebags stringing along 200 women. I think it most likely that most guys will act as players given certain circumstances. Meaning that guy you are convinced is a player, because he strung you along and wouldn't commit... likely would not act that way with someone else. In other words, just because a guy isn't willing to marry YOU doesn't mean he isn't interested in getting married. The whole thing is about emotional engagement. Women have to learn how to get a guy emotionally engaged with them. The vast majority of women I've dated were very lazy at this. However, I did get the opportunity to date a few that are truly amazing. What I learned from that experience is that when she makes me feel something special... I will move mountains to make things work. I know a lot of people talk about "chemistry" as if it's some form of magic or pheromonal fate. That is frankly ridiculous, because I can point to very specific things my wife does and says that make me feel. The term chemistry is just a catchphrase for that. The chronically stupid will never understand this. Sawtooth, I agree with all of this with one minor caveat re chemistry. I believe initial chemistry (i.e. vibe, energy, spark -- however you want to define it) is what draws a couple together initially. But good initial chemistry does NOT always equal good, healthy relationship and chemistry will NOT "sustain" the relationship in the long term. Good healthy relationships require much more than that, like mutual understanding, compassion, empathy, patience and emotional compatibility! Like you, I also can point to specific things my boyfriend says and does that make me FEEL, and cause me to love him even more than I did the day before. That have NOTHING to do with "chemistry." The love we feel for each other now SO transcends the initially "chemistry" we felt. In fact, the initially chemistry we felt has even become a moot point to us now. Because we have grown to become so much more than that. I think where some couples miss the mark is not realizing that relationships need to be nurtured. People are in a constant quest for excitement and fireworks, and when that dies (which it always does eventually), it's buh bye next! Anyhoo, that's my little spiel about "chemistry" this VERY early morning! :) You know I can hardly miss a day without discussing it .....at least a little! :bunny: Edited April 29, 2015 by katiegrl
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