Mjm1014 Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 (edited) I've made an observation, and was wondering if anyone else has had a problem or if it's just me..anyways I've lived in over 6 places in the last 7 years due to my chosen career field (reason I'm still single), and I also do quite a bit of traveling for work. Anyways I just moved to Chicago, and I'm finding Tinder/OKC to be impossible as far as landing a date. I had this issue when I lived in NYC too, but it seems like when I go to any other city that's smaller I have a lot better chance. Normally, I would think the opposite is true, but I'm finding out the hard way. I have no problem matching with people, and a lot of times they are the ones that initiate, but it's like after I respond I never hear from them again most likely because they matched up with a million other people after they sent their message to me. This has happens countless times, and had been going on for the past 2 months since I moved here. I've only landed one date so far... Yet, if I go to any other city I have no problems landing a date! I'm just not interested in long distance... Anyone have similar issues or is it just me lol? Edited April 26, 2015 by Mjm1014
Jame22 Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I think dating sites are impossible, period. You're much better off using tinder even if you're not looking for hookups. I live in a big city and I deleted POF and OKC. They're a waste of time. 1
carhill Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I see it as a double-edged sword. For any given parameters, the dating pool is larger in big cities than in small ones, increasing supply and choices. OTOH, such supply and choices lead to more selectivity and less care for any one particular person. Also, ratios regarding gender availability (heterosexual) also come into play and can affect the overall dating experience. If one is the gender in demand, one will experience a surplus of supply and being in demand so one may feel a need or desire to be more selective in a partner and more casual in committing to any one path of dating. Conversely, if a part of supply, less selective and more serious because one knows they can be easily discarded for the next iteration which passes by.
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 It's crazy because I feel like almost any other city I travel to besides NYC and Chicago, I actually get a decent response rate/deeper conversations with people/more willingness to go out on a date/overall better success. I feel like there is such an oversupply here that people are way more picky, and when they do message you, something always comes along that's better. Basically you're just one small option. I'll prob delete soon and just hit the real world more...I guess resorting to bars
TheBathWater Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Strange. I have had massive success with OKC in major cities, especially in the last year. With Tinder, I have done alright, but not nearly as well with OKC.
KatZee Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I live in NYC and I recently deleted all my OLD profiles for this very reason. I can't handle it. I can get dates, but I have zero ability to get a 2nd date from a person who actually wants to see me EXCLUSIVELY. I get a ton of guys who just want to orbit me, talk to me all the time, see me sometimes, be casual, and never commit. There are too many options in NYC, too many dates to go on, too many people to want to meet and get to know. Too much temptation to ever want to commit to just ONE person.
SawtoothMars Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I live in NYC and I recently deleted all my OLD profiles for this very reason. I can't handle it. I can get dates, but I have zero ability to get a 2nd date from a person who actually wants to see me EXCLUSIVELY. I get a ton of guys who just want to orbit me, talk to me all the time, see me sometimes, be casual, and never commit. There are too many options in NYC, too many dates to go on, too many people to want to meet and get to know. Too much temptation to ever want to commit to just ONE person. It is caused by the male to female ratio in NYC. Most large cities are similar. I don't know why but younger attractive women refuse to live in suburbs or small towns, and this causes a gender imbalance all over the country.
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 My odds go way up. I'm a minority and there's more of my same-race women in the cities. Just how it is. In fact, I'm kind of stuck in the suburbs at the moment and it's hurting my dating life. OTOH, women in the city do tend to be more stuck up. But that's offset for me in my case and then some by demographics.
pleasedtomeetyou Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 This attitude that their are a million other options better than you is seeping into your attitude towards OLD, which is messing up your success. You need to go into it without any investment and giving zero s***s about who thinks what of you. This is especially true in big cities where people are doing all sorts of nonsense to seem like they are cooler then everybody else. The most attractive quality is owning yourself and doing things on your terms. You need to bring this to your OLD interactions. Instead of scoping out their profile for the perfect message, send something that you're curious about yourself. Even if it has nothing to do with what's in their profile, people will reciprocate as long as its interesting. You also need to stop being so sensitive and invested in OLD before a date has even happened. People can smell that a mile away and its very unattractive. Your attitude towards those first interactions needs to be this-is-who-i-am-so-take-it-or-leave-it. If you are a good person that can offer a lot, people are going to follow the take-it option.
pleasedtomeetyou Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I live in NYC and I recently deleted all my OLD profiles for this very reason. I can't handle it. I can get dates, but I have zero ability to get a 2nd date from a person who actually wants to see me EXCLUSIVELY. I get a ton of guys who just want to orbit me, talk to me all the time, see me sometimes, be casual, and never commit. There are too many options in NYC, too many dates to go on, too many people to want to meet and get to know. Too much temptation to ever want to commit to just ONE person. Bringing up exclusivity on the first date is a death move. Why do this? it makes you seem high maintenance and super-serious. Neither of these qualities are attractive when you're trying to have some fun.
RuKiddingme Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Dating sites are garbage and once I quit I never looked back. I take my chances in the real world and if that doesn't work, oh well.
KatZee Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 (edited) Bringing up exclusivity on the first date is a death move. Why do this? it makes you seem high maintenance and super-serious. Neither of these qualities are attractive when you're trying to have some fun. where did I write anywhere that I bring up being exclusive on a first date? I'm a very slow dater and I won't be exclusive with someone until I've been dating them a few months. The only guys that ask me to get together after a first date from OLD are the plate spinners who have NO intention of ever settling down. With me, or anyone. I'm just saying that in general, I've never met any guy from OLD that was interested in dating just me. Edited April 27, 2015 by KatZee
fred123 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I live in NYC and I recently deleted all my OLD profiles for this very reason. I can't handle it. I can get dates, but I have zero ability to get a 2nd date from a person who actually wants to see me EXCLUSIVELY. I get a ton of guys who just want to orbit me, talk to me all the time, see me sometimes, be casual, and never commit. There are too many options in NYC, too many dates to go on, too many people to want to meet and get to know. Too much temptation to ever want to commit to just ONE person. normally its the girls who keep us guys as orbiters anew e never have a chance with the girls. there are many guys who would love to date you and only you! trust me
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I'm in one of the biggest cities in the Midwest and online dating doesnt seem too bad. I haven't struck gold yet - but I've enjoyed myself.
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