soulforge Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 If it was the first time she has sabotaged the relationship, trust me, i would not hesitate for a second to pick the phone up and talk to her and try resolve this.. But this is the 3rd time in 4 months... The last time i did not hear from her for six days... she could had quite easily picked the phone up, and asked me how i was doing? I had texted her 2 days in a row previous to her disapearing on me Then she finaly sent me a text 6 days later and blamed it on me... claimed that i did not bother with her, and said goodbye to me The truth is, she wanted me to keep texting her, validating her... when i did not.. she vanished.. It is incidents like this that have made me insecure, and start to believe she is playing games and manipulating me... That is why i got angry over the date incident, because i felt like she was playing games again... At the same time... it feels so stupid to split up over something so damn petty!!! And why is it only me... who is racking my brains trying to resolve this? Why has she made no attempt to talk? If i ring her to talk... she might see me as a complete walk over, and her behavior get much worse i,m so confused about what to do?
soulforge Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Part of me wants to end it with her... part of me wants to ask her to meet me face to face and sort the problem out
soulforge Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I am thinking long term... is this girl really going to stand by me, through thick and thin???? Really?
AIJ Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 4 months and have already talked marriage? Red flag. Also, pick up the phone.. texting is the worst way to communicate when there are issues. When my ex and I had issues she would not pick up the phone. I'd call 3 or 4 times and then just give up. She'd then go to sleep angry/upset, and wake up continuing to be cold with me. One time I decided to go to hers, this was after the first major argument. I showed up out of the blue because I wanted to talk things out. It worked, we were fine after that. But I couldn't be bothered doing that EVERY time we argued, it's too much effort considering it's a 4 hour round trip. Got to the point where I just couldn't be bothered sorting the issues out. Once I started treating her the same way she treated me, she bounced Honestly not bothered by the break up at all now. I'm happy. She's happy. I don't miss her, I don't want her back, I don't care that she's in a new relationship. Good for her, just hope she doesn't destroy this new guy the way she destroyed me. Only after the break up did I come to realise how manipulative and horrible she was to me. Dodged a bullet in my opinion!
soulforge Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 When my ex and I had issues she would not pick up the phone. I'd call 3 or 4 times and then just give up. She'd then go to sleep angry/upset, and wake up continuing to be cold with me. One time I decided to go to hers, this was after the first major argument. I showed up out of the blue because I wanted to talk things out. It worked, we were fine after that. But I couldn't be bothered doing that EVERY time we argued, it's too much effort considering it's a 4 hour round trip. Got to the point where I just couldn't be bothered sorting the issues out. Once I started treating her the same way she treated me, she bounced Honestly not bothered by the break up at all now. I'm happy. She's happy. I don't miss her, I don't want her back, I don't care that she's in a new relationship. Good for her, just hope she doesn't destroy this new guy the way she destroyed me. Only after the break up did I come to realise how manipulative and horrible she was to me. Dodged a bullet in my opinion! Here is the thing, the more we bend over backwards to try to make up to them, we try to fix the problem.. the more power we give away.. And the more she realises, that this man is not willing to walk away.. if she knows for a fact that you will not walk away, then she will not be bothered about mis treating you! In my case, i believe we was both at fault... and we both could have communicated better... then we would not be in this situation My only choice now, is to reach out again and try to arrange a phone chat? Or.. i need to dump her? I feel pretty torn If i think long term... i doubt this girl woud stick by me
AIJ Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Here is the thing, the more we bend over backwards to try to make up to them, we try to fix the problem.. the more power we give away.. And the more she realises, that this man is not willing to walk away.. if she knows for a fact that you will not walk away, then she will not be bothered about mis treating you! In my case, i believe we was both at fault... and we both could have communicated better... then we would not be in this situation My only choice now, is to reach out again and try to arrange a phone chat? Or.. i need to dump her? I feel pretty torn If i think long term... i doubt this girl woud stick by me Thing is I was prepared to walk away. I ended things early December, she begged and pleaded and I gave in. She was the most affectionate she'd ever been in the following weeks, then out of nowhere she ends it with me in late January. A week later, in another boy's arms! If I were you, I'd end it and stick by that decision.
soulforge Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Thing is I was prepared to walk away. I ended things early December, she begged and pleaded and I gave in. She was the most affectionate she'd ever been in the following weeks, then out of nowhere she ends it with me in late January. A week later, in another boy's arms! If I were you, I'd end it and stick by that decision. Hey i feel for you man... i hope your getting your life back on track and staying strong!! Here is the thing... lets say for example, i ring her and we end up getting back together.. Then all is well for a while... one day she does something or says something rude to me, and i have to call her out.. or something else happens and we fall out chances are, she will expect me to do all the making up all over again.. unless she starts looking at her own faults too, its not going to workout I could be in this position all over again.. i,m not afraid to reach out and make up with someone when i feel like i made a mistake.. My fear is.. she will not look at herself and will always blame me.. She has already proven once, that she is willing to walk away, when she vanished for 6 days... there are many qualities i like about this girl... but my gut is telling me, she will not stand by me in the long run... she also knows alot of men, and could jump into another relationship quite easily...
AIJ Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Hey i feel for you man... i hope your getting your life back on track and staying strong!! Here is the thing... lets say for example, i ring her and we end up getting back together.. Then all is well for a while... one day she does something or says something rude to me, and i have to call her out.. or something else happens and we fall out chances are, she will expect me to do all the making up all over again.. unless she starts looking at her own faults too, its not going to workout I could be in this position all over again.. i,m not afraid to reach out and make up with someone when i feel like i made a mistake.. My fear is.. she will not look at herself and will always blame me.. She has already proven once, that she is willing to walk away, when she vanished for 6 days... there are many qualities i like about this girl... but my gut is telling me, she will not stand by me in the long run... she also knows alot of men, and could jump into another relationship quite easily... I'm all good now, break up was 3 months ago. Anyway your situation does sound very similar to mine, I had that gut feeling too, turns out I was correct. She REFUSED to admit she was at fault for anything, got really boring really quick. It's your choice, but your gut feeling is very rarely wrong. If something feels off, it most likely is. There are PLENTY of females in this world that possess the same qualities that you like in this girl. It'll hurt for a while, but time really does heal everything! If she jumps in to a new relationship right away, that just tells you all you need to know about this girl. Will probably help you move on. If you do choose to break up with her, block her everywhere immediately. You don't want breadcrumbs. It helps massively, trust me!
soulforge Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 I'm all good now, break up was 3 months ago. Anyway your situation does sound very similar to mine, I had that gut feeling too, turns out I was correct. She REFUSED to admit she was at fault for anything, got really boring really quick. It's your choice, but your gut feeling is very rarely wrong. If something feels off, it most likely is. There are PLENTY of females in this world that possess the same qualities that you like in this girl. It'll hurt for a while, but time really does heal everything! If she jumps in to a new relationship right away, that just tells you all you need to know about this girl. Will probably help you move on. If you do choose to break up with her, block her everywhere immediately. You don't want breadcrumbs. It helps massively, trust me! Well here is the thing... i have known her 4 months.. if i break up with her now, i could be over her in a matter of 3 or 4 months.. But if i stay with her, and she leaves me for another man maybe a year or two down the line... then i will be in a world of pain for a long time to come.. Also if i ring her and try to fix things... the balance of power will topple over to her side.. she will know that i am not willing to walk.. no matter what Then there is the matter of walking on egg shells... she could claim i was rude to her again.. and then i am back in this old situation
soulforge Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 It seems like we was both at fault for communicating badly... Over such a petty thing, it seems a shame to break up... but it looks like, i,m the only one doing anything to resolve the matter.. Which is quite worrying
Itspointless Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 It seems like we was both at fault for communicating badly... Over such a petty thing, it seems a shame to break up... but it looks like, i,m the only one doing anything to resolve the matter.. Which is quite worrying I see you post here, she doesn't. Phone her and she if she wants to communicate with you to work it out. Do not tell her what she did wrong, but say what you both could have done better.
soulforge Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I see you post here, she doesn't. Phone her and she if she wants to communicate with you to work it out. Do not tell her what she did wrong, but say what you both could have done better. I was thinking of sending her this message on whatsapp.. How about we have a face to face tonight and discuss things properly over a coffee.. rather than quarrel on whatsapp.. things are easily mis interpreted on here x Or should i phone her instead?
TunaCat Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 I was thinking of sending her this message on whatsapp.. How about we have a face to face tonight and discuss things properly over a coffee.. rather than quarrel on whatsapp.. things are easily mis interpreted on here x Or should i phone her instead? Call her. Messaging her on any app is impersonal and if she means that much to you, she deserves a call.
soulforge Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Call her. Messaging her on any app is impersonal and if she means that much to you, she deserves a call. We never talk on the phone tho.. it will feel strange to her, me ringing lol
soulforge Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 UPDATE!! I finaly ended it with her last night... i tried to reason with her.. even tried to arrange a face to face chat... She seemed to be stringing me along, still acting like everything is my fault..hoping i will grovel for her there is no chance i will stay in a relationship and be walking on egg shells around her.. So i ended it with her 2
soulforge Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I know i did the right thing, but still a hard decision
soulforge Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I ended my relationship with her... told her that her behavior was not making me happy and i dont believe she would make a good long term partner for me.. i just could not be with someone who will sabotage the relationship, when things don't go her way, or over the slightest argument... I feel abit low today, as we had some really good times too... and i was planning to be with her long term. I tried my best to communicate and to resolve problems, but she kept escalating things.. had to no choice but to end it... Dumpers hurt too!!!
joseb Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Yip, it's not easy. But you did the right thing. If it's like this in 4 months, it would have been 10x worse in 4 years.
soulforge Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Thats how i felt... if she expects me to chase, grovel, lower myself to try and resolve a problem... and is too stubborn and proud to communicate with me.. Then how the hell would i get through a long term relationship with her? Its Pretty painful to break up after 4 months, but how crushed would i feel if we broke up years down the line.. She kept dropping hints about marriage and a long term future together, yet at the slightest thing she turns into a victim and a drama queen She did send me a text the next day after i ended it.. but i deleted it without reading..
soulforge Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Why am i feeling regret today... She had many good qualities too.. she was not a big drinker, or into clubs etc etc.. she could be very caring and loving and we was very efficient to each other too... always holding hands, and cuddeling and amazing sex.. Feel racked up with mixed emotions... i miss the good things about her, but the was some serious negatives too. Bieng the dumper is hard too
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Your grief and sadness will pass with time, but you did the right thing by choosing to move on without her. Had you stayed with her, 4 months from now you would have still been where you are today with her. Better to cut your losses and start fresh sometimes in life.
soulforge Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I am really struggling today... yes there was problems in this relationship, but we had some brilliant moments too... We was always very effectionate, holding hands, cuddeling, and always laughing... But there was issues too... i keep questioning myself, if i made the right decision by ending it... i know she was not right for me in the long run tho
elaine567 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 i know she was not right for me in the long run tho You need to hold onto that thought.
soulforge Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Whats hurting me about this break up is... we both made mistakes.. but they was over silly petty things.. We did not communicate that well... i tried to communicate with her and try to fix things, but she is hell bent on blaming me.. she will not look at her own faults. She makes no effort to resolve conflict.. i,m the one who has done most of the reaching out, and to try to sort things.. This is why i finally ended it... just can't be walking on egg shells, and bieng the one who is always reaching out.. giving her all the power in the relationship That bieng said, i miss her and miss the really good fun times we had.. i,m struggling
Itspointless Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Whats hurting me about this break up is... we both made mistakes.. but they was over silly petty things.. We did not communicate that well... i tried to communicate with her and try to fix things, but she is hell bent on blaming me.. she will not look at her own faults. She makes no effort to resolve conflict.. i,m the one who has done most of the reaching out, and to try to sort things.. This is why i finally ended it... just can't be walking on egg shells, and bieng the one who is always reaching out.. giving her all the power in the relationship That bieng said, i miss her and miss the really good fun times we had.. i,m struggling It is good to acknowledge that you are hurting. It could be that your communication-styles are different. Everyone also has their blind-spots about themselves. Always try to learn if people could be right about certain things, it usually are the most valuable (and hardest) lessons we can learn about ourselves. For now you know that you did what you could as best as you could in this moment of your life. Try to be proud of that and try to remember the good things of you both, those are presents for a life-time.
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