After 3.5 weeks of NC...good response and going to meet up.

April 26, 2015

Ex and I have been dating for 6 months, she's 24 and I'm 21, I'm about to graduate from undergrad and she's in her first year of masters. I'm her first serious BF, and she came in inexperienced sexually (but not out )

She's been extremely stressed over the last few months cuz of school, and when we broke up about a month ago, she said she didn't have feelings towards me (despite us looking like the best couple ever from the outside, per all our friends). Long story short, people have been telling me she doesn't know what she wants and because of no relationship experience, doesn't see what she has. Her sister is also getting married in a couple weeks, and she looks up to her a lot. So perhaps it's also GIGS.

I went NC for 3.5 weeks. After the 1st week she contacted over email, basically said she doesn't wanna cut things off and meet up sometime, and I said I need more time. So I texted her 2.5 weeks later a basic text, hows everything going, how was your sisters bach party, etc. Got a text immediately back, exclamation marks everywhere, she said she was "ok", and from there we texted about our weeks in long paragraphs til I set up a date to meet for coffee, and that was that.

But then she texted me the next day at night, I'm into Tesla motors and so her dad's friend got one, texted me about it, and we talked for a couple hours long texts, that was that. I sent her a snapchat yesterday, no response.

Any idea what's going through her head before I meet with her? I really hope she's not just looking for attention, and that this is a genuine sign she has feelings. She's the kind of girl who doesn't play games and is honest (as am I), but you always question yourself and all.

I'm a good dude who can make a girl laugh, I'm good looking, and I'm very driven and career wise, going far. But with her at times I felt I had to step over eggs. So when she said she didn't feel much towards me, maybe she does/did, just not know it? She's a Midwestern German girl, I'm a northeastern guy, and I know there's a difference in geography how people show their affection.

Any thoughts?

Edited April 26, 2015 by yankeefan4255

April 26, 2015

You are playing games.

If it's over, it's over. Walk away & don't look back.

If you want to fix it, talk it out with her.

April 26, 2015

Wait a minute... WHEN was this period of No Contact, exactly?

I'm seeing constant contact -- and now a meet up?

Listen, if she ever changes her mind, it'll sound like this: "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together."

Everything else? Tesla cars, hanging out, sister's wedding? None of it matters. Ignore, delete, remove all her means of sending you these pathetic breadcrumbs.

All she's doing is using you to hold her hand.... while she looks for her next boyfriend.

Don't do it. Go NC -- for real. Stop sacrificing YOUR healing just to help her get over you.

April 26, 2015

Ex and I have been dating for 6 months, she's 24 and I'm 21, I'm about to graduate from undergrad and she's in her first year of masters. I'm her first serious BF, and she came in inexperienced sexually (but not out )

She's been extremely stressed over the last few months cuz of school, and when we broke up about a month ago, she said she didn't have feelings towards me (despite us looking like the best couple ever from the outside, per all our friends). Long story short, people have been telling me she doesn't know what she wants and because of no relationship experience, doesn't see what she has. Her sister is also getting married in a couple weeks, and she looks up to her a lot. So perhaps it's also GIGS.

I went NC for 3.5 weeks. After the 1st week she contacted over email, basically said she doesn't wanna cut things off and meet up sometime, and I said I need more time. So I texted her 2.5 weeks later a basic text, hows everything going, how was your sisters bach party, etc. Got a text immediately back, exclamation marks everywhere, she said she was "ok", and from there we texted about our weeks in long paragraphs til I set up a date to meet for coffee, and that was that.

But then she texted me the next day at night, I'm into Tesla motors and so her dad's friend got one, texted me about it, and we talked for a couple hours long texts, that was that. I sent her a snapchat yesterday, no response.

Any idea what's going through her head before I meet with her? I really hope she's not just looking for attention, and that this is a genuine sign she has feelings. She's the kind of girl who doesn't play games and is honest (as am I), but you always question yourself and all.

Any thoughts?

Honestly?

Cancel the get together. She sounds confused. Bad place for you to be if you want her back. She can wean herself off you rather easily if she knows she can tug on your leash.

Do things for you right now. Be polite if you hear from her but be kind of short. Give her something to think about (i.e. your life is not going to stop)

April 26, 2015

I disagree with the notion that either of us are playing games. She wanted to go on a break, and I tend to think a break can be a good thing for a relationship.

As for her not saying outright, "I want to get back together", she's no player, and these things take time. As in, it can happen over a series of dates and fluidly go back into a relationship, instead of right away. She always likes to take things slowly.

April 26, 2015

IMO breaks are silly. They are a way to test drive a break up. They generally cause more harm then good. Silence & separation make things worse not better.

I suspect she's coming back because she realized she doesn't want to go to her sister's wedding alone. It's not about wanting you. It's about her not being able to do better than you in the short term. I bet she goes back to being confused & needing space right after the wedding is over.

April 26, 2015

Ex and I have been dating for 6 months, she's 24 and I'm 21, I'm about to graduate from undergrad and she's in her first year of masters. I'm her first serious BF, and she came in inexperienced sexually (but not out )

She's been extremely stressed over the last few months cuz of school, and when we broke up about a month ago, she said she didn't have feelings towards me (despite us looking like the best couple ever from the outside, per all our friends). Long story short, people have been telling me she doesn't know what she wants and because of no relationship experience, doesn't see what she has. Her sister is also getting married in a couple weeks, and she looks up to her a lot. So perhaps it's also GIGS.

I went NC for 3.5 weeks. After the 1st week she contacted over email, basically said she doesn't wanna cut things off and meet up sometime, and I said I need more time. So I texted her 2.5 weeks later a basic text, hows everything going, how was your sisters bach party, etc. Got a text immediately back, exclamation marks everywhere, she said she was "ok", and from there we texted about our weeks in long paragraphs til I set up a date to meet for coffee, and that was that.

But then she texted me the next day at night, I'm into Tesla motors and so her dad's friend got one, texted me about it, and we talked for a couple hours long texts, that was that. I sent her a snapchat yesterday, no response.

Any idea what's going through her head before I meet with her? I really hope she's not just looking for attention, and that this is a genuine sign she has feelings. She's the kind of girl who doesn't play games and is honest (as am I), but you always question yourself and all.

I'm a good dude who can make a girl laugh, I'm good looking, and I'm very driven and career wise, going far. But with her at times I felt I had to step over eggs. So when she said she didn't feel much towards me, maybe she does/did, just not know it? She's a Midwestern German girl, I'm a northeastern guy, and I know there's a difference in geography how people show their affection.

Any thoughts?

What do you mean by good response ? All I see is breadcrumbs and breadcrumbs. She didn't even say that she regretted it and wants to get back together. Her contacting you means nothing. You're not even doing NC right. You're only doing it to get a response out of her, and you call it not playing games? I don't see this ending well..

April 26, 2015

Breadcrumbs, just plain universal non-unique breadcrumbs. Your situation is not special.

Used to keep you on a leash, check if your still avaiable, relieve guilt or letting (trying) to let you down softly (for her good).

Want her back? Well the best chance u have is to vanish, be a ghost. If you stay available to her, it will only make it seem you have no backbone and lack of self love.

Get out of her life, like she wanted. Make her feel her life without you.

April 26, 2015

I disagree with the notion that either of us are playing games. She wanted to go on a break, and I tend to think a break can be a good thing for a relationship.

As for her not saying outright, "I want to get back together", she's no player, and these things take time. As in, it can happen over a series of dates and fluidly go back into a relationship, instead of right away. She always likes to take things slowly.

Yea it's all about her. You are obviously in denial, making excuses for her behaviour.

I don't care if she is the slowest person on earth when it comes to reconciling. If somebody truly loves you, they would be banging on your door. As long as that isn't happening you should stay NC.

So stop sending snapchats, talking about Tesla's and wedding's.

Now go and go what is best for you.

April 26, 2015

These responses are complete BS in my opinion. I did NC for one week until she emailed, told her I need more time, and for me 2.5 more weeks was enough time to reach out. From what I've read elsewhere, the best positive sign is quick responses, long responses, and excited responses, which is what I got. Some sites picture that to be the "Holy grail" of a response. So I'm not sure why I'm getting all this negativity, that she's stringing me along while she looks for someone else. Maybe it's out of jealousy from community members who didn't get a similar response from their ex? Generalizing doesn't help, each relationship is unique, and that's why I provided a lot of context. Probably shouldn't have come here, everything is just negative. Am I healing? Absolutely. Do I want her though? Absolutely, because I think we're truly good for one another. I've been through many breakups before, I know how it goes.

April 26, 2015

These responses are complete BS in my opinion. I did NC for one week until she emailed, told her I need more time, and for me 2.5 more weeks was enough time to reach out. From what I've read elsewhere, the best positive sign is quick responses, long responses, and excited responses, which is what I got. Some sites picture that to be the "Holy grail" of a response. So I'm not sure why I'm getting all this negativity, that she's stringing me along while she looks for someone else. Maybe it's out of jealousy from community members who didn't get a similar response from their ex? Generalizing doesn't help, each relationship is unique, and that's why I provided a lot of context. Probably shouldn't have come here, everything is just negative. Am I healing? Absolutely. Do I want her though? Absolutely, because I think we're truly good for one another. I've been through many breakups before, I know how it goes.

So you take advice from some site that states some holy grail and you use that to your unique and special situation, yet you don't wan to to generalize anything? Please re-evaluate your mindset.

There are actually people here taking the time to read and reply to your situation. You may disagree on the opinions of members who have been in your situation, but calling it "BS" is just plain rude.

Good luck and keep chatting to her, stay on that breadcrumb backburner for as long as you like.

April 26, 2015

There's actually a good amount of research on this. Breadcrumbs are most often a form of reconciliation before formal reconciliation occurs. As in, for most people, simply having a conversation leaving behind all the deep stuff and emotion is a way to lead back into "we should try this again." Especially for someone who isn't so mushy. Would it be better to get a text saying "I made a huge mistake"?, absolutely. But that's unrealistic. People, emotions, and relationships are far more complicated.

April 26, 2015

There's actually a good amount of research on this. Breadcrumbs are most often a form of reconciliation before formal reconciliation occurs. As in, for most people, simply having a conversation leaving behind all the deep stuff and emotion is a way to lead back into "we should try this again." Especially for someone who isn't so mushy. Would it be better to get a text saying "I made a huge mistake"?, absolutely. But that's unrealistic. People, emotions, and relationships are far more complicated.

I'm not sure what research you've been reading, but as someone who got back together with his ex, she made it clear as day that she wanted me back. I wasn't her "friend" while she figured out she wanted to be with me. I went NC and tried (keyword tried) to move on just like I thought she was doing.

Maybe you know something no one else here does though.

April 26, 2015

There's actually a good amount of research on this. Breadcrumbs are most often a form of reconciliation before formal reconciliation occurs. As in, for most people, simply having a conversation leaving behind all the deep stuff and emotion is a way to lead back into "we should try this again." Especially for someone who isn't so mushy. Would it be better to get a text saying "I made a huge mistake"?, absolutely. But that's unrealistic. People, emotions, and relationships are far more complicated.

a) She had no problem telling you she had no feelings for you. Nothing complicated about that.

b) You contacted her. Not the other way around.

c) She is still ignoring you (snapchat message)

d) You asked to meetup. Not the other way around.

e) People are telling you she does not know what she wants.

f) You are part of that not knowing what she wants, and so is every other guy.

g) regardless if they are breadcrumbs or not. There is nothing there signaling anything more than you being a friend. If you're good with that, then cool. Have a nice catch-up with her.

April 26, 2015

These responses are complete BS in my opinion. [...] So I'm not sure why I'm getting all this negativity, that she's stringing me along while she looks for someone else. Maybe it's out of jealousy from community members who didn't get a similar response from their ex? Generalizing doesn't help, each relationship is unique, and that's why I provided a lot of context. Probably shouldn't have come here, everything is just negative.

Seriously?

Browse this board and any other serious relationship forum and you'll get the same answer. Yes, there will be individuals who agree with what you're currently thinking but the majority will tell you just what we told you. We don't say stuff because we're 'jealous' or 'jaded' or whatever of your situation. A ton of us (including myself) have been in your shoes and had the same mentality. I mean, seriously. I've read thousands of stories exactly just like yours. Yes, relationships are unique in some ways but it isn't as 'unique' as you think it is. No, I'm not generalizing.

None of us have said "Yeah man, I think she's back into you so this is a good sign" so just because we told you what you didn't want to hear, doesn't mean you should attack us like that and call us 'jealous' people.

Of course, everything I just said is probably going to just fly over your head and you may end up just dismissing me as another 'jealous' individual. I hope that isn't the case but there's been a fair amount of people who asked for thoughts then refused to listen to anyone else.

I've seen tons of situations like yours and I'll just go ahead and say you're steering yourself towards disaster. Again, I'm NOT generalizing. I'm saying nothing sticks out about what you initially wrote that says she has the same feelings for you as you do for her.

I hope you listen to us and at least seriously consider what we've been saying. If not, best of luck to you because you'll probably need it.

April 27, 2015

Listen to the advice you've got here. If you really want this girl you will disappear and only reappear when and if she comes out saying she wants you back.

Put it this way.

Your ex dumped you and told you she no longer had feelings for you. She knows that you are still into her. It's been 2.5 weeks. She KNOWS you're still in love with her, this is non debatable. She is not thinking "I wonder if yankee still has feelings for me ... I really want him back but i'm gonna have to take it slow because maybe he's over me." She is completely playing games with you. She doesn't know what she wants, but right now it is not you. She's keeping you on a string because she doesn't actually know how to handle her emotions or this break up properly.

It took a long time for her to come to the conclusion she no longer wanted a relationship with you. 2.5 weeks isn't enough for her to suddenly regain these feelings and realize she desperately needs you back. You're basically hanging around like a lovesick puppy, giving her attention after she's told you in no uncertain terms she's done with you. You're making her feel better about dumping you, she's still got you hanging around giving her attention while she weans herself off you and feels comfortable enough to transition into a state where you aren't a sexual interest to her anymore. Every message you send and every snapchat you send is just killing attraction and respect she has for you. She dumped you and told you she doesn't want you, you need to leave her alone.

You literally have no other option than NC. If you ignore this advice and the advice of everyone else in this thread you'll find out for yourself, maybe that's the best way for you to learn.

April 27, 2015

No matter what you are going to get a response from both parties.

Just remember that for every action there will be a reaction.

If you meet up with her, don't go running into her arms. Be cautious and take it very very slow.

If you don't meet up than you can continue to move on and work on yourself.

The first option allows you the possibility to get hurt again.

The second option is guaranteed a positive result however it will be different from what you want.

In the end...you know her best...and it is your final choice.

Follow your gut instinct. Don't follow your heart. And most importantly, listen to that inner voice.

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After 3.5 weeks of NC...good response and going to meet up.

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