Gaeta Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I think he is stringing me along until he rehabilitates and finds someone better. After all, I am not the one who said "Sweetie, it's none of my business if you chose to date others." So who is stringing who along? He is not stringing you along. You strigned yourself along. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 He is not stringing you along. You strigned yourself along. Thanks for being supportive!
Gaeta Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Thanks for being supportive! Now now, I am not going to tell you only what you want to hear, that's not what friends are for. You know you stringed yourself along and we don't need to go over it again. Be a big girl and admit you stayed by his side fully knowing it was a risk, your risk.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 He has not been reciprocating for 6 months and you're still there aren't you. You forgotten that I was mirroring him the first four months. I always gave a little less than what he gave. He also said let's see what happens after surgery. It's after surgery, and I feel differently. Things have changed and I'm not rehashing then entire six months. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 You forgotten that I was mirroring him the first four months. I always gave a little less than what he gave. He also said let's see what happens after surgery. It's after surgery, and I feel differently. Things have changed and I'm not rehashing then entire six months. On a subconscious level, I think you were never fully happy or invested. That's why you never initiated the exclusive talk and still left things open to date others. Women that are truly into a guy don't do that. It's just that now you're finally starting to have a break through about it. 1
xxoo Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 spending time with him made me realize how much I give give give to the older gentleman and how draining it can be; not only that, he made me panic all the time over stupid things. With new younger guy, I didn't have to lift a finger!! He treated me like royalty and could actually walk more than ten steps without going "OW!!" This is more like it! We're the same age, and I've been perplexed as to what you've seen in this older guy (I'm referring to how he treats you, not his age). Draining is right. If a guy--any guy--can't see what a catch you are, he's not worth your time, your effort, and certainly not worth your adoration. 3
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 Be a big girl and admit you stayed by his side fully knowing it was a risk, your risk. When is there ever not a risk? There are always risks. At least the last two months I gave it my best shot and fully enjoyed my time w him and won't feel guilty walking away right before his surgery. I believe he gave what he was capable of giving too, in his condition. I wanted to see for myself and I don't want it.
xxoo Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I might just "sit" with these feelings for a little bit until I'm comfortable with the idea. I don't want to be unfair to him but I also don't want to say the wrong thing prematurely. How do you think he will react? I need to be prepared. I think he's heard it before. He'll be fine, and probably very cool and measured (as he has throughout the relationship). And then he find another woman to dote on him for a few months until she gets sick of it. 3
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 This is more like it! We're the same age, and I've been perplexed as to what you've seen in this older guy (I'm referring to how he treats you, not his age). Draining is right. If a guy--any guy--can't see what a catch you are, he's not worth your time, your effort, and certainly not worth your adoration. He was very smart, fun to talk to...lie around and eat and laugh. We are super attracted to each other and while he may have never committed, he made me feel needed and wanted with his bad health.
Gaeta Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 When is there ever not a risk? There are always risks. You're the one telling me about risk? I have been telling you for months to take a risk by putting your cards on the table with him and to be done with it but you didn't want to. You wanted to keep your walls way up and mirror him. So now, 6 months down the road, you are still at square one. You could have invested this 6 months in someone worthy of your attention.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 (edited) I think he's heard it before. He'll be fine, and probably very cool and measured it. I woke up this morning not giving a crap about what I say, how I say it, or how he reacts. I'd just as soon not even have the convo and let him figure it out on his own. Everyone keeps telling me watch his actions, not words. That same advice can work for him. Edited April 26, 2015 by PumpkinLumpkin
writergal Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Or, you can stick with him until he's fully recovered and then see how you feel. But if you want out now, then now is the time to breakup with him. To borrow from that great salesman Dale Carnegie: Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. To borrow from a great former POTUS, John F. Kennedy: There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. You mention your panic attacks about the situation. Your panic attacks are the result of your doubt and fear and doing nothing about the situation. Of course there are risks with every relationship, even when you need to breakup with a person. The cost is the end of the relationship. But ending the relationship with the doctor is not as bad staying with him longer, missing out on dating men you are far more compatible with because you are comfortable with doing nothing, waiting for the doctor to end things. 1
Gaeta Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I'd just as soon not even have the convo and let him figure it out on his own. Because you think it's fair when people treat you like this? Amaze me the number of people expecting consideration but are incapable of giving it.
katiegrl Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 You're the one telling me about risk? I have been telling you for months to take a risk by putting your cards on the table with him and to be done with it but you didn't want to. You wanted to keep your walls way up and mirror him. So now, 6 months down the road, you are still at square one. You could have invested this 6 months in someone worthy of your attention. Gaeta, come on. You should know more than most that people leave when they're *ready* to leave. Sometimes you just gotta let things play out until you just KNOW.... it's time to walk away. In the meantime, you enjoy the relationship, learn and grow. Which Pumpkin did! Every relationship, both good and bad, teaches us something... about ourselves, about others, about life in general. In the grand scheme of things, six months is not that long. Good luck Pumpkin... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I'm glad to hear this. Your current arrangement has always sounded disappointing to me. 1
katiegrl Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Because you think it's fair when people treat you like this? Amaze me the number of people expecting consideration but are incapable of giving it. Wow. .............
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 Another great post by writergal.... I'm just not enthused anymore with helping him out. It used to make me happy to make him happy. But he doesn't cherish me the way I want. I can't tell if it's because he's focused on his issues, but it is not my job to figure it out. Anyway he told me his last relationship lasted eight months....most if them all under a year. Six months isn't bad. Or, you can stick with him until he's fully recovered and then see how you feel. But if you want out now, then now is the time to breakup with him. To borrow from that great salesman Dale Carnegie: To borrow from a great former POTUS, John F. Kennedy: You mention your panic attacks about the situation. Your panic attacks are the result of your doubt and fear and doing nothing about the situation. Of course there are risks with every relationship, even when you need to breakup with a person. The cost is the end of the relationship. But ending the relationship with the doctor is not as bad staying with him longer, missing out on dating men you are far more compatible with because you are comfortable with doing nothing, waiting for the doctor to end things. 1
abby_tx Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 What was wrong with the old guy physically? Did he have a disease or something? Just curious and snoopy and couldn't find it in the old threads.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 What was wrong with the old guy physically? Did he have a disease or something? Just curious and snoopy and couldn't find it in the old threads. Orthopedic issues. Some resolvable. Some questionable.
writergal Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Orthopedic issues. Some resolvable. Some questionable. Hmmm. Something's afoot! Sorry, couldn't resist. Did he have foot or ankle surgery? Flat feet are nothing to joke about. Orthopedic inserts, arch inserts, toe spacers. So. Annoying. Anyway, it's been 6 months and you're still unhappy. When you're ready to walk away, you will. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 Yes, but he said that months and months ago in November 2014 after one month of dating, that could hardly be seen as an indication of the state of play now. Yet, you seem to keep maintaining your right to go date others, by holding that against him. It doesn't matter anymore. While he's never revisited the issue of dating others, he's also never talked about a future unless it is concerning his health. It doesn't matter. I'm indifferent to what he wants anymore. I think what kept this going as long as it did is because I liked taking care of him and he liked the doting. Well, I don't like it anymore. Yawn. Anyway he is getting better. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 Hmmm. Something's afoot! Sorry, couldn't resist. I do not feel the need to keep him abreast of my current position.
writergal Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I do not feel the need to keep him abreast of my current position. Then don't. Just end things when you're ready and move on.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 Then don't. Just end things when you're ready and move on. No. I was making a play on words akin to your "afoot."
BlueIris Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I don’t think you ever cared much about the older man. You didn’t even take down your OLD profile. You two seemed to be in an extended game of chicken over who cared less and could be more aloof. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just break it off directly and cleanly. 2
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