Going through some tough times..

[twr57]

I am gonna try to be short on this..3 yrs ago..in the month of march 2012 I met this lady M (thats what I will call this special lady). She had just got out of a divorce in January of that year. She was a crush I had for a long time when we were 20 yrs old.. In March 2012 we started talking. By June of that year, she started talking about me and her meeting up to be friends with benefits..I was like wow, why not..I always wanted to go out with her and she knew this..

Well we start going out and in jumy she broke down after she got drunk and told me she loved me..I told her I couldnet tell her that I love her just yet..In the mean time I learned she had a very bad heart conditon that was rare, viral form that damaged her heart and it was hard on her for no insurance would take her with a pre existing condition (thats before obama care).. In october, of that year she was talking about that she wanted to marry me..During this time..we went on vacation together and she told me we couldnt be together for 6 yrs, after I proposed to her..The reason behind this is cause I work and live in a town 100 miles from her..I have been at this job for 17 yrs..I literally got mad about this, cause she informed me earlier it was only gonna be 4 yrs due to the kids and custody arrangements for where she lived at.. I then asked her why 6 years and why couldnt we move in the middle, she told me cause of her childs anxiety and custody..

I then told her she could have the custody changed..But I still went on with the marriage..during the january 2013 to march 2013 I made a ass out of myself on several occasions for drinking to much..I promised I would never be that person ever again..So I quit drinking after several bad incidents (nothing physical, just cussing). I told her I wanted to be the man I need to be for her and me..We get married..Shortly after that, we was talking medical things and obama care that the president was trying to get passed and she told me that I hope you didnt think I married you for insurance, and I said no..Well my daughter, who sepnt 3 weeks with us at her home 100 miles away to hel nurture the growth as a family unit had several times of talking back to me..She, my daughter was reprimanded several times for it..M, my wife told me my daughter wasnt welcome anymore cause of her drama..I then was a peacekeeper for my daughter and my new wife..

 

In july 2013 she tells me she is suppose to go to her heart docotr for a check up, but she said she wasnt going cause she felt fine..I kept pushing her to go..Finally she went and the doctors told her she needed a defribilator put in..in september she has a defribilator put in...We go on vacation in december 2013 ..I pay for it all..I pay for 80 percent of the christmas presents. My daughter never got a card from my wife, never got anything..Well in 2014 we go on tons of trips, I pay for them all I am..I am told I make her feel this way and that way and that I smother her..I told her how can I smother you when I work 5 days and live in one city and I only see you 3 days here in your city? She replied that she wanted a marriage like her mom and dads..I told her that her mom and dad have been married for 40 plus years and see each other everyday..

I said I could be upstairs at the apartment and you down stairs and you still would be telling me, I make you feel smothered and make you feel this way and that way..We worked through it..and I still was told I make her feel this and that..I try changing all the time for her..During the 2014 year, she loses weight and all these guys she tells me is flirting with her, which I take as a compliment..She then is elected to be a spokeswoman for womens heart health and only 4 per state gets this..She then notifies me that she will be doing this and that with this group..and it seems it was going to take time away from me..I was then mad for I only get to see her for 3 days..I told her when I was mad..and it was flipped around like Its my fault for this arguement..I apologize, I dont know what for..Cause I guess I want my time with her.

All the meanwhile, I never feel apart of the family for she calls her car, her car..her house, her this and that..I viewed us as always one..Maybe our bank accounts werent, but I constantly viewed us as one. in september 2014, doctors tell her she needs a hysterectomy cause her uterus has fallen..I work tons of overtime for she will be off for 2 weeks and christnmas was coming..I give her over 900 dollars amonth when I wasnt there but 12 days out of the month..I did this till december 2014..For christmas 2014 I paid again r all the christmas presents besides paying her per month..

I was gonna be short paying her the month of december, cause I paid a 1000 dollars towards her car being paid off, 600 dollar spark plug change, and me putting new brakes on her car..Well I got all the christmas except for a few she bought my 2 step kids..I was wrapping presents and was putting the to: and From: cards on the presents..I was putting from mom and q (which is me).. well the ones she wrapped she bought she put just from mom..I was like, I do everything from both of us, to me giving her all I have, to doing everything for my family..and she is being selfish by just putting from her..I was lik whatever, cause I knew if I brought it up..It would be my fault again..

 

Well January 2015 rolls around, she is making plans on taking the kids to the indoor water park..But just her and the kids are going..She never said a word about me going just them..That night I asked how in the hell do you feel it right to go without me when I dont see you or the kids but for 3 days..When it would be awesome to go as a family..She then said I love doing things with just me and them..She said 4 is more than 3 people going, if you wanna chip in you can go..I was thinking after everything I have done and did..You say this to me..I go ahead and drop it..I pay for the majority of that trip..If you rem, the month of december I was out a lot of money and I didnt have the money to pay her the month of december..She said we need to talk, I was like here we go..She said you know when you moved in here 4 people living here is more than 3..She was insinuating I didnt pay her that month..I told her, do you realize all the gas I am out coming to see you, she said you dont have to come up as much.. I said some months I could be short, she replied you dont have to come up here as much..I was floored this made me so mad after everything I have done..I tried to work through it..Well a couple days passed, and I finally had to let it out..

I told her how wrong she was for ever coming at me like that..She acted like, she wasnt trying to make me feel like scum of the earth..But she said I know what my dad would say about you not paying..I was like..whatever..I let it go..In january, she told me her list of priorities...in this order..Her kids, her mom and dad, herself, then me..I always viewed the kids first, then family as a whole unit..This broke my heart to be last, after I have done everything from clean the house when I was there for 3 days to taking them to dinners and paying for them, to buying groceries every month, to just being the husband I should be...I never said a word..Febuary rolls around..We have sex one night and it was on valentines day, she is talking to me after sex about her mom and her alzheimers..She was opening up talking about things and it felt awesome she was doing this..

Well at the end of her conversation she brings up her ex, something like we had good times or this and that..I was feeling good all the way till she brought her ex up. Its kind of like, telling a person a bunch of good things, then at the end you tell them something bad. You wont remeber the good things, just the bad..Well it got bad that night with the weather and all, she asked me to fdrive her to work the next day (I always got up when I was there and started her car so it could be warm and cleared off for her ). I replied no sweety I will always take you to work when its bad..I get up and proceed to her car with her keys to clear it off..She asks me, I thought you was taking me to work? I said I am in the 4 wheel drive vehicle, for mine is a 2 wheel drive..She said I dont like your driving and if you wreck mine I wont have nothing to take the kids with, here and there..I then told her my driving is bad in my car..and if we wrecked the vehicle we would work on getting her a new one..But she still wanted me to drive mine..I didnt understand, for we are as one..Its our cars, our house, our everything..Well I take her to work in my car, she brings up her ex again..Saying we had good times going to college there..I am like, 3 yrs of trying to be understanding about a ex, is enough..If it isnt about the kids you shouldnt bring him up..Even with best friends there is somethings others dont wanna talk about..

 

Well I take her to work and drop her off, I go back home and clean the sidewalk off. As I am cleaning it off I am thinking of her bringing up the ex, to me driving a 2 wheel drive in bad snow..It mad me mad..I went back to pick her up, she then asked me to get off this exit to pick up up a blu ray player..I suggested that we wait and get one when we pick up her daughter..She then asked me how long have I lived there, in a smart insensitive way..I then blew up, I said I dont ever wanna hear about your ex again, she then told me she would talk about whomever she wants in her house..I was like thinking wow her house..I said well, you are in my car, and I wont hear about it..She said if I felt that way I could just go back to my town and stay there..

I left after telling her i loved her..I went back to my hometown and didnt hear nothing from her for 3 days..and when I finally got a message from her on facebook, she asked was it over..I was like no..but it hurt me thats the first words out of her mouth..Is it over..and then she joked with me after we wroked it out..That we wouldnt make it 6 months..Even joking that hurt..But I never said anything..

 

The next month prince was in concert,and we both were ready before they went on sale..All shows had sold out..She then said we would go on a roadtrip to see him..That night one of her girlfriends backed out and she bought one ticket..I was floored, for I could have just bought one ticket from a scalper, but I didnt cause I wanted us to go together..That really hurt, after I am told this and that, verbal abuse (granted I did bad things to at the begining, but she had no excuse for treating me this way cause of the past) to I am smothering her..

I go to see her after holding this in, and she says I checked your work schedule and you are off on this date so we can take the kids to this water park..I was like, she is considerate to look at my schedule so I can pay or help pay for this trip..But you cant be considerate for a concert..I finally told her that I felt she was the most selfish person I have ever met..I said its not the ticket, its the principle..That you would be that selfish..Everytime you tell me I make you feel this way and that way..and its always up to me to change everything, when you know I aint trying to make you feel anyways for I aint here enough to make you feel anyway...She said I think its time for a divorce and I agreed (even in my heart I didnt want this, but it seemed she has).

She then brought up a vacation that we both paid money on the next month may be lost, and she brought up we could go as friends..I am thinking, I am hurt by this divorce and your bringing up a trip..I said hell no we arent going as friends..Hell no..Well I texted her the next day about how I felt about what she did to my daughte, to it was always my fault and you cant look at yourself and make any changes..I told her I did everything for her..And I love her forever and always..I didnt say anything else too her..3 weeks passed, I got divorce papers, I texted her and asked is this what she really wants and she replied I am sorry, but yes.. I said that I will make it happen, and to always rem I love her and I always will..She replies back, she loves me, and she wishes me the best..and I told her she was my best..

 

I havent spoken to her or texted her since that text..and I wont for she is one of those, that is a narcissist in that way..She has literally wiped me out of existence, and that I am dead..I deleted her off of facebook that night, for it hurt to much and I blocked her..She deleted everyone of our marriage pictures a friend said..and took back her last name the next week even when the divorce papers isnt final..She was one of those that couldnt look inside herself to see if she was wrong..to posting all kinds of pics of her on her facebook page and getting a 100 likes on it..

I made it about her always..And she made it about herself..I never got to say good bye to my stepkids..I feel as if I was used by what she needed, and that was health insurance...Now that obama care was passed, she dont need me anymore..I am sorry if its hard to follow what I posted, I am very saddened right now..I feel half of me has died..What do you guys think?? Am I stupid for how I feel always changing for her? Her never thinking maybe she has the problem? To telling me before maybe we should have waited before we got married, when she was the one pushing for it when she knew we couldnt be together for 6 years..It just seems to me I was used..

[jen1447]

I gather you're having a rough go of it here. Honestly I didn't read much of this, as the length is too formidable, but I'm sure you'd rather not be ignored anyway. Maybe try a short version?

 

Otherwise this will at least serve as a bump.