PegNosePete Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 If there is a note just bin it without even reading it. You know it will say some hurtful things so don't put yourself through that. 2
Author hollypolly Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I know I should but I cant see myself doing that. Lets just hope theres no note.
Ruby65 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I hope that you've now blocked him on your phone, your email, and on every app and site you use.
Author hollypolly Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Ive gone off social media so I cant be reached there. I deleted his number and all texts. Its just all so horrible isnt it. You put your heart on the line and trust someone with so much and let them in to your life. Its always so bitter at the end.
PegNosePete Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 OK, if he does send a note and you can't throw it away, then just put it somewhere to read later. Say you'll read it tomorrow. Keep putting it off. Eventually when it's been unread for a week, throw it away.
Author hollypolly Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Thats a great idea. Thank you. I will do that. I dont expect one but if there is ill give it to my best friend for safe keeping. 1
Ruby65 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Ive gone off social media so I cant be reached there. I deleted his number and all texts. Its just all so horrible isnt it. You put your heart on the line and trust someone with so much and let them in to your life. Its always so bitter at the end. That's great -- but how was he able to contact you this last time? Was it by phone? If so, just deleting his number and texts do nothing to block him. You need to block his number so he can't reach you again.
Author hollypolly Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 It was by text each time. I have deleted his number and genuinely dont know it but i will delete it if there is any more texts. It all just feels awful.
Author hollypolly Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 I know Im going to be slated for this but I guess I deserve it. I am great to give advice but not so good at following it. my ex mailed all my stuff and we briefly exchanged texts about that. Then last night he called me and I answered (I dont know why). I was sat there shaking. He said he regrets everything and he loves me and misses me so much and didnt know what he had until it was gone. He said he got so angry at something id said and it snowballed into him breaking up with me. He said he would do anything to go back in time and change it. I personally felt he had been freaking out about how serious it was all getting for quite some time and while dumping me over the phone he told me he needed to find his way and didnt see himself settling down any time soon. He text after the call and said again how sorry he was and how much I mean. He then said that he didnt want to just land back in my life and wanted me to heal first and be happy and sure its what I want. Im totally confused as Im getting mixed messages. I know I shouldnt have answered the phone and I wish I didnt.
SLee Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Don't beat yourself up. Lots of people, make mistakes when break ups happen, myself definitely included. I'm also dealing with a mixed-messaging ex. From the little I do know based only on my experience and some advice I've gotten, he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Don't read too much into what he says. Heal yourself from the hurt and ignore him. He sounds like he's trying to assuage his own guilt from whatever happened. Help yourself out and then go from there. That's all you can do at this point. 1
Twigyy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 But in the messages he is only talking about him. How he misses you, how he feels, how he is suffering. I don't think he even talked about you.. 2
Ruby65 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Sweetie, this isn't about a single small argument that escalated and got out of hand. The issue that broke you up is a serious one, and one I remember well from dating my 27 year-old then-boyfriend and wrestling with the same thing... which is whether or not he plans on committing for real, as in marriage, not necessarily tomorrow but in the next few years. We also broke up over the issue, spent many months apart, got back together and (shocker!) got married a year or so later. So, sometimes it does work out. But I wouldn't get back together with him until you've resolved that one issue. What to ask yourself now is: * Do you really feel strongly about being married within the next few years? * Is he willing to put that back on the table as a possibility? * Could you be happy being back together with him if he holds firm on not getting married anytime in the near future. I hear that you love each other, I hear that you miss each other, and you both probably really want to get back together. Those are all given. The question is -- can he see himself marrying you? That's my take on it, anyhow. 2
Author hollypolly Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Im meeting him in two days and im terrified. Im afraid he will say hurtful things but im equally afraid that we will end up back together and itll all happen again.
TunaCat Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 You need to have a backbone. You need to not let it happen again. If you both decide you want to try again, you need to have a long discussion prior to getting back together. Honestly, if there's even a chance that he could say hurtful things, why are you meeting him?
Author hollypolly Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Theres always a chance he will say things I dont want to hear. Its a fear I have. This might be a huge mistake but it might not be and if I dont go and hear him out ill never know. 1
Twigyy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Take your time with this. Don't forget that it's all about you and your happiness. Take it slowly and choose whatever that makes you happy. Good luck!
Author hollypolly Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Its all just very frightening and im very anxious. Im not sure if theres things I should or shouldnt say. we were only 8 months together so i feel like marriage is too much to discuss. It was one of the reasons he left. He said he had things to do and settling down wasnt for him. Its all very confusing. Now hes taking that back and saying he didnt mean it and nobody knows what the future holds but he wants to try again. I guess ill know from meeting up if I want to go there or just walk away. It feels like so much pressure on one meeting
Twigyy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Cut yourself some slack..You didn't do anything wrong at all. It is not wrong to talk about marriage if that is what you want. If you told him you need to go to the toilet and he doesn't like it you wouldn't have told him? No right? You did what you wanted, so don't blame yourself too much. If you are still texting or calling him I think you should stop. Set a time place, and you two will talk on that day. Be cool and see what he has to say. Remember that you don't have to agree anything on the spot. You could ask him to give you some time, and maybe we could help out. Do whatever that makes you happy
Author hollypolly Posted April 25, 2015 Author Posted April 25, 2015 So my ex has asked to meet tomorrow to talk about everything thats happened. He said he regrets it all and wants to talk about it so ive agreed. I dont know where to meet him or what to say and im feeling very nervous. Any tips guys?
quattrob Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 So my ex has asked to meet tomorrow to talk about everything thats happened. He said he regrets it all and wants to talk about it so ive agreed. I dont know where to meet him or what to say and im feeling very nervous. Any tips guys? I think you're only nervous because deep down you know if he said the right things you wouldn't be able to control yourself and fall back into being with him again. Of course there is some fear because you're still holding on to what you imagined him to still be.. what I mean is you still can't believe that this guy would say those hurtful things and did. You haven't accepted fully that this guy has either changed or he is capable of this. Honestly I don't think you're totally ready to "meet" this guy again until you can conquer your fears and concerns and perhaps even have some self control. If you are meeting him for sure.. don't fall for his sweet talks that easily, it's easy to talk but not to do. People like to make big promises.. until they get what they want and then all that doesn't mean anything to them anymore.
Author hollypolly Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 We met up and its 100% done now. We said our goodbyes, tears were shed and regretfully we cant resolve it
na49 Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 I can't imagine how hard that must have been. There's no doubt on what you need to do though. It will take time, but I'm sure you can get through it. Hope is the last thing that keeps us attached to our ex, and you basically got rid of it with that meeting.
Author hollypolly Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 It was one of the hardest moments of my life but the issues were too deep to be resolved. I think he was more emotional than I was. I felt numb and only cried when I got home. The guy is so mixed up and has so much going on in his life and the only thing I can do is walk away and we both agreed it was for the best. We were happy and very much in love but sometimes its not enough.
Author hollypolly Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 My ex dumped me after eight months together last month. It was a stupid fight that escalated and he dumped me over the phone. We were so happy, very much in love and life was good to us. He was going to counselling due to his severe anxiety which controls him so much. I tried to help him as best I could. He was afraid that in a few years Id expect marriage and it terrified him so he bolted. I went NC and after alot of texts and calls saying how sorry he was and how much he loves me and wants to fix it I gave in and met him a few days ago. He wrote me a letter pouring his heart out as to how happy he was and how great it was and he would try to fix it but while we chatted he started rambling on about marriage again and I saw the fear in his eyes. I told him it was far too soon to think of all that and could he not just live in the now. He said he was afraid that id ask him to move in (he lives with his parents) and even that terrified him. He said he prayed to his uncle asking him to help him fix it all. He never made a single effort to fix it. He cried and held me as he said goodbye. It kills me because his fears of what might be sabotaged what was such a good thing. My heart is truely broken. I know i need to burn this letter he gave me but I cant.
Ruby65 Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Poor baby. He certainly has many many fears. Look, he's a 27 year-old man. He's living with his parents. He's breaking up with his girlfriend instead of moving in with her. He's either (a) not really that into you (b) a hopeless commitmentphone or © would rather continue to live an extended childhood in his parents home than take on a real adult life. He is NOT your problem. Move on, find a real man who's a grownup and ready to commit to an exciting future together. 1
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