TunaCat Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 How long before I talk to her? I mean, I seriously care for her. And we were good with and for each other. We have never had one argument before this. I think she really just has commitment issues and was frightened by how close we became. As someone who has commitment issues, but was still willing to work on them with my now ex, that's not an excuse. If she truly cared about you and wanted the relationship to work, she would have worked through her commitment issues WITH and FOR you. You do not talk to her until you are over her. OR unless she has a change of heart and says specifically "I made a mistake and I want to get back together with you." Do not settle for less.
Author Dazdandconfused Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 As someone who has commitment issues, but was still willing to work on them with my now ex, that's not an excuse. If she truly cared about you and wanted the relationship to work, she would have worked through her commitment issues WITH and FOR you. You do not talk to her until you are over her. OR unless she has a change of heart and says specifically "I made a mistake and I want to get back together with you." Do not settle for less. Thank you. And I will try.
Author Dazdandconfused Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 She just sent me a friend request on Facebook......
Moley87 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Thank you. And I will try. Some Interesting Read Daz and firstly feel that pain more then anything atm. Background on me Daz girlfriend of 14 months has split on the basis she is going to Oz for the possibility to emigrate and wants to do it alone. Distance is a horrible thing because it leaves so many unknowns and people do change when apart including you. We all go through the crazy stage the begging the why don't you love me it's perfect but then you have to see through that and see actually she isn't happy with the distance and for her she just wants to be happy and personally you have to respect that decision It's not what we want to hear and certainty I would say we hurt more because it's a shock but a relationship is made by two ended by one normally so if you respect her and love her let her go for your sake. I do agree no contact here is advisable but will be so hard to achieve as she hasn't gone about it as well as you would like her to. Fortunately mine was open and honest and just knew it wasn't for her and that her dream was in Oz not UK so again same thing I don't like it but I respect her decision in life - however we are also not on facebook just so you know. Better to love then to hate someone and it's now a case of you taking it day by day - that leads to weeks by weeks and so on and before you know months would of have passed and you'll be a different you by then anyway. I feel your pain and hope you do try the no contact I'm focusing on here as a way of keeping focused, try something new it may distract you from the issues that are happening now Let me know how it goes.
Chi townD Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Ok. Question. I've read all through here and I get the whole NC thing.....but suppose, just suppose she contacts me soon and indicates she knows she made a mistake and wants to try to make this work. Should I ignore that and continue NC? Or should I hear her out? I am willing to work on this relationship. She is that special to me. We never had one disagreement the whole time we were together. I'm just wondering. I mirror what Tuna said but I'll also add that you just can't come back to the way things were. She was in the drivers seat as far as ending the relationship with you, now you'll be in the driver's seat as to if you want to enter a relationship with her again. And if you do, you need to set up boundaries and rules like couples counseling or whatever. If she can't conform to them, then walk away. 2
Moley87 Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Its rare indeed that a relationship can be had it's never normally the same enjoy what was and find a way to move on
GemmaUK Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 Then last Friday as I was getting my stuff together to head to her place for the weekend I got a text from her saying she would like to have a "girls weekend" with her friends. She hadn't done that in a long time but I knew that her friends were a very important part of her life before she and I got together. So I was ok with that. This sounds odd to me. You say her friends were a very important part of her life before you met, why did they not continue to be? What stopped her seeing them and spending time/weekends with them while you were together? The contact that weekend was very sporadic. We did text and talk a few times but she would not answer my texts quickly and by Sunday was not responding at all even tough the last text I got from her was "I adore you and miss you". No call or text Sunday night or Monday morning and I was getting frantic. She wouldn't answer the phone or reply to my texts. Monday afternoon I recieved an email with a page long letter attached stating basically that she didn't want to do the long distance relationship thing anymore and wanted to end this. I tried to call and she wouldn't answer. Whoa boy! How clingy? Let her have some space! What on earth did you go OTT on contact for? I finally texted her that I was leaving immediately to come to her that I felt I deserved at least a face to face goodbye. She said no. I sent her a reply email. Told her I would do anything. I would find a position with a company in her city and relocate and I meant it. We have spoken only briefly since then and very little by text. She blocked me on Facebook. I am totally lost. This is all mega pushy. She should have kept you blocked, I would have done. You have totally smothered her. If by chance you do get back together then it isn't going to last, it'll just be because she misses the attention but she will soon feel the smothering again. Just go and stay NC and find someone else. 1
Author Dazdandconfused Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 Update: early this week we had a phone conversation and it was civil and nonconfrontational. she apologized for her method of breakup and how bad it had hurt me. Since then I have been strictly NC. Today, one of her friends, not a close friend, but an aquaintance of hers, sent me a message and asked me if I would like to go to the beach with her. wtf? should I go? This is a very nice girl who I only know through my ex. HELP PLEASE? Need some advice!
Author Dazdandconfused Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Ok....never got any advice so I went to the beach and had a blast. The friend was there with six of her friends and i was at a bar watching a band...one guy with seven gorgeous women...really good for my morale. So, while there I shazammed one of the songs the band played and posted it to my FB. Very fitting song for my current circumstances. and my EX liked my post.... wtf The song: You dropped a bomb on me
dangerbang Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Ok....never got any advice so I went to the beach and had a blast. The friend was there with six of her friends and i was at a bar watching a band...one guy with seven gorgeous women...really good for my morale. So, while there I shazammed one of the songs the band played and posted it to my FB. Very fitting song for my current circumstances. and my EX liked my post.... wtf The song: You dropped a bomb on me Facebook likes shouldn't be looked into too seriously for god's sake. Why is she on your facebook anyway? Her liking something on facebook hardly means she wants to tear your clothes off you.
Author Dazdandconfused Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Facebook likes shouldn't be looked into too seriously for god's sake. Why is she on your facebook anyway? Her liking something on facebook hardly means she wants to tear your clothes off you. I am under no illusion that the like was a good thing. I actually think it was a dig at me.
Ruby65 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Why haven't you blocked her on Facebook? I thought you wanted to go No Contact.
Author Dazdandconfused Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 I don't know that I want to block her. Like I said earlier, I know she checks out my fb posts. I'm getting a small amount of enjoyment out of the fact that she can easily see that instead of totally falling apart I am actually doing things for me, making myself a better person.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I don't know that I want to block her. Like I said earlier, I know she checks out my fb posts. I'm getting a small amount of enjoyment out of the fact that she can easily see that instead of totally falling apart I am actually doing things for me, making myself a better person. So you'd rather not block her and spend your time wondering about every insignificant thing she does on social media rather than block her and really get your healing started? That's nonsensical.
Author Dazdandconfused Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 My healing has started. I am obsessed over her and this breakup no longer. The way I look at this now it is her loss. If and this is a big IF she comes crawling back to me with a sincere apology and total admission and understanding of the pain she caused me I will consider reconciliation with her. Consider it I said. I am not sure if I would or not. I may just accept her apology and walk away. I am moving on with my life. I have had two dates in two nights with two different very nice women. And it was very nice. At this point not sure if I would consider getting into a relationship with anyone...
Simon Phoenix Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 My healing has started. I am obsessed over her and this breakup no longer. The way I look at this now it is her loss. If and this is a big IF she comes crawling back to me with a sincere apology and total admission and understanding of the pain she caused me I will consider reconciliation with her. Consider it I said. I am not sure if I would or not. I may just accept her apology and walk away. I am moving on with my life. I have had two dates in two nights with two different very nice women. And it was very nice. At this point not sure if I would consider getting into a relationship with anyone... You came on here asking about a like she gave on social media. You aren't nearly as far along as you think you are. You may be progressing, but you'd be progressing a lot faster and a lot healthier if you blocked. It'd be one thing if you didn't care about what she's doing, but getting all goofy over a Facebook like doesn't suggest you are there.
Author Dazdandconfused Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 For the past week she has been sending me text messages, calling, and commenting on my FB page. The last time we spoke was after she sent me a text that said she was missing me. I responded (5 hours later) with a text that just said I have been very busy but if she wanted to call me she could. She called me a few minutes later and we talked for almost an hour. The gist of the conversation was that I told her that the breakup was her decision and that i was honoring her decision. I have not attempted to contact her in any way for almost three weeks. The next morning she commented on a song that I had posted on facebook. Her comment was "Makes my heart sad. I do miss you." I did not reply. Today she sent me a text that said "That song made me cry you know". I have not responded. Any advice? Should I respond? Is she really feeling regret and wants to try to work things out?
Chi townD Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Dude, just breadcrumbs. So, she's misses you. Okay, I miss football. So what! If she won't leave you alone, then you can tell her that you need to cut contact so you can heal and move on. Then, anytime after that, if she sends you a breadcrumb and you don't answer, she'll know exactly why.
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 For the past week she has been sending me text messages, calling, and commenting on my FB page. The last time we spoke was after she sent me a text that said she was missing me. I responded (5 hours later) with a text that just said I have been very busy but if she wanted to call me she could. She called me a few minutes later and we talked for almost an hour. The gist of the conversation was that I told her that the breakup was her decision and that i was honoring her decision. I have not attempted to contact her in any way for almost three weeks. The next morning she commented on a song that I had posted on facebook. Her comment was "Makes my heart sad. I do miss you." I did not reply. Today she sent me a text that said "That song made me cry you know". I have not responded. Any advice? Should I respond? Is she really feeling regret and wants to try to work things out? You know what NC does? It allows you to get your head out of a relationship that no longer exists. As long as you two keep talking, you will stay in limbo. This includes phone calls, texts, and social media. It doesn't sound like she knows what she wants, or is just lonely and missing the company. That doesn't mean she wants you back. Removing yourself from her life completely will give her a taste of what it is really like to be without you. If you want the answer, and to be able to either get back together OR move on, this is what you need to do. Otherwise, you're postponing your recovery and your own personal life.
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