ConfusedInOC Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Sigh. I had hoped I would never have to come back here. I honestly didn't. I just wanted my love life in order. You warned me she wasn't "into" me. And while she says she still loves me, she doesn't think our relationship - at least for her - is going to blossom into the kind of love that would make her want to marry me. In other words, she's moving on. So here I am again hat in hand, egg squarely planted on my face. I have to admit you were right about her. It doesn't matter how much I loved her and proved it every day. I mean, after a year of dating I still opened car doors for her and did all the romantic things I felt deep down inside she deserved. I took her to romantic dinners, made her romantic dinners. I let my actions prove I loved her deeply. The only thing that matters now is how easily she can walk away. I mean, how much more terse can you get than that? My heart is so wrapped up in this girl. I was so convinced there was not another on this planet for me. Back in November when we had this same issue you all told me walk away and I did. But after a week she came back to me and I thought we had finally gotten over the hump. Today she confessed "I was just lonely back then..." Twist that dagger harder. Now without her in my life dark clouds once again rein over me and it seems there is no hope for brighter days. The flame that once ruled my heart is now as cold and lonely as my empty bed. And the solace I seek in these words serve only to delay the inevitable and severe confrontation of my emotions. God knows what will happen then.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Sorta OT~ but i was reading the quote from your x's mom about fish and bait....and that uis just the stupidest thing i have ever heard! If the d@mn bait bounces off the fishes head then Do Not hit the fish in the head with the bait! If the fish does not eat the bait, it is either cause it is not hungry/ interested or the piece of bait is too big for the fishes mouth. It is apparent the woman is not a fisherman.......or she is a fisher of men.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita Sorta OT~ but i was reading the quote from your x's mom about fish and bait....and that uis just the stupidest thing i have ever heard! If the d@mn bait bounces off the fishes head then Do Not hit the fish in the head with the bait! If the fish does not eat the bait, it is either cause it is not hungry/ interested or the piece of bait is too big for the fishes mouth. It is apparent the woman is not a fisherman.......or she is a fisher of men. Actually she is quite wise. Her analogy is more or less right on target. Women (and Men) do not want what they can have any time. They only want what is difficult for them to have often.
Iris Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Hi ConfusedInOC, I haven't got any fantastic advice for you here - only to say that I feel for ya...and that everything will be ok (ok - this sounds naff, but it will). I can imagine the black depths that you are currently feeling, as I've been there myself, but you will in time bounce back..and you WILL meet somebody who will put a smile on your face again. Everybody deserves love and respect...and you should never settle for anything less than this. As my mother says: 'what is meant for you will not pass you by'. Some people might think this is a load of bollox, but I tend to feel strangely comforted by this expression. Keep strong.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by Iris Hi ConfusedInOC, I haven't got any fantastic advice for you here - only to say that I feel for ya...and that everything will be ok (ok - this sounds naff, but it will). I can imagine the black depths that you are currently feeling, as I've been there myself, but you will in time bounce back..and you WILL meet somebody who will put a smile on your face again. Everybody deserves love and respect...and you should never settle for anything less than this. As my mother says: 'what is meant for you will not pass you by'. Some people might think this is a load of bollox, but I tend to feel strangely comforted by this expression. Keep strong. Thanks. I know that I put much more into the relationship than she did. She didn't get what she wanted because she reaped exactly what she sowed. I made this list today of sacrifices I made for her and it's amazing. My list is extensive. Her's is empty. What a fool I have been. However, I agree what is meant for me will not pass me by. I just hope this experience hasn't hardened my heart to the point of shunning out the right person!
blind_otter Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Actually she is quite wise. Her analogy is more or less right on target. Women (and Men) do not want what they can have any time. They only want what is difficult for them to have often. For some people maybe. There is a balance. The thing is you shouldn't be guessing what that balance is. A good fisherman isn't trying all those things, the best thing about fishing is that it's RELAXING (I actually like fishing myself). I feel for ya. This is what makes me hesitate in any relationship I get into. Or may be getting into.
tanbark813 Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Hey man, sorry to hear about that. I know it sucks now but it'll pass eventually. Don't beat yourself up too much about not taking the advice at the time. I think pretty much everyone is guilty of that sort of thing at one time or another. It's hard to be objective and rational about a situation when you're the one caught up in it.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Hey man, sorry to hear about that. I know it sucks now but it'll pass eventually. Don't beat yourself up too much about not taking the advice at the time. I think pretty much everyone is guilty of that sort of thing at one time or another. It's hard to be objective and rational about a situation when you're the one caught up in it. Thanks. I never knew how to love could skew my perception of reality and cloud all rational thought. Don't get me wrong. Love made me realize there are more important things in life than just myself and made me really understand what it's like to truly give yourself to someone.
Pocky Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Actually she is quite wise. Her analogy is more or less right on target. Women (and Men) do not want what they can have any time. They only want what is difficult for them to have often. I have to disagree with this because I don't believe that people don't want something simply because they can have it. Personally, if someone doesn't want you, they don't want you, and it's not because you're easy to get.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky I have to disagree with this because I don't believe that people don't want something simply because they can have it. Personally, if someone doesn't want you, they don't want you, and it's not because you're easy to get. Depends on the context. I think if listen to what she is saying, "don't give too much of yourself too fast" then I believe she is correct. But I've also seen several examples of people chasing after someone playing hard to get only to find out the thrill of the chase was much more satisfying than the capture.
Naive Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Actually she is quite wise. Her analogy is more or less right on target. Women (and Men) do not want what they can have any time. They only want what is difficult for them to have often. That is only true when it's only lust but if you are in love (real love) you want them regardless of anything!!!!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ That is only true when it's only lust but if you are in love (real love) you want them regardless of anything!!!! Well that explains why she doesn't want me She doesn't really love me. She says she loves me, but it's "like a brother..." love. Yuck.
Naive Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 So what's next? You leaving her alone now or are you still going to try? Just curious?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 19, 2005 Author Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ So what's next? You leaving her alone now or are you still going to try? Just curious? Keep in mind, I am love sick. And when you're love sick, you do stupid things. I haven't decided. Her birthday is coming up soon and if I don't see her, drop off a card or make contact, I think I'll be seen as heartless considering she went out of her way to make some personalized gifts for my b/d. If I make contact, I could screw things up. If I don't make contact, I could screw things up. There is no good answer but I am leaning towards NC simply because of the effect it had last time and knowing that she hasn't had NC with me in 6 months. A break from me might help clear the cobwebs and take her to me...or away. Who knows?! She's having dinner with her mom right now and her mom and I talk. She doesn't like talking about this stuff to her mom but I am hoping her mom mentions my name. Her mom loves me too and thinks we SHOULD be married.
tanbark813 Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 If you make contact, you have about a 50% chance of screwing things up. If you don't make contact, you have about a .0001% chance of screwing things up. It sucks to sit back and not do anything, I know, but it's really your best option.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 If you make contact, you have about a 50% chance of screwing things up. If you don't make contact, you have about a .0001% chance of screwing things up. It sucks to sit back and not do anything, I know, but it's really your best option. STOP MAKING SENSE! I know, I know. No contact=good. It's also the most painful thing I have to do when I love someone so much.
tanbark813 Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC STOP MAKING SENSE! Sorry about that. Originally posted by ConfusedInOC It's also the most painful thing I have to do when I love someone so much. Yeah, believe me, I know what you mean.
Naive Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 You should really listen to tanbark!!! It makes sense for a reason......
simon_uk Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 It is really hard OC and I feel ya! I dont know what to do myself, it has been 4 weeks, two weeks zero Contact. I dropped a letter off for her last week, no response. I sent her a b day card today for tmrw. I wonder if NC is the best way for me as she never thought I cared or wasnt there for her, so NC is confirming that right? Anyway, I havent contacted her, she now knows exactly how I feel ,assuming she read my letter. So its down to her. It is so hard whn all you want to do is call and tell them what they mean to you and how you miss her. But I would rather not as I really cant handle the rejection if she just says its over, I have made up my mind. Id say stick with NC. I am with ya bro!
Fallen_Angel Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC And while she says she still loves me, she doesn't think our relationship - at least for her - is going to blossom into the kind of love that would make her want to marry me. In other words, she's moving on. Perhaps there's something in the water, because my ex used the same line and coincidentally his birthday is fast approaching. This is going to sound crazy, but I see two distinct ironies in my situation: 1) This happened the same day the Pope died. As a result of the breakup, I now go back to the celibate Catholic girl I used to be. Grrr. But religion be damned, I'm not going off the pill. 2) We've had something like two straight weeks of sunshine since the night he dumped me, and of course that night there were flooding rains. Now the grass is bright green, the flowers are blooming, leaves are sprouting...and I feel as blah and drab as winter. I hate no contact. I really, really do. But when he'd talk to me online (at least, the last two times I spoke with him) he sounded like someone I'd just met. How's the weather? I was outside playing guitar, etc. etc. I couldn't take it anymore. I'd rather cut off contact than try and talk to him and pretend like I'm okay. And he wants to be friends. How do you downgrade into friendship with someone you were never "friends" with? Granted, through our relationship we did reach that "best friend" status, so to speak. But I love him! I thought we had a future together. Ok, I just had to empathize and vent. I wish you the best of luck with no contact. You're right when you say it could clear things up - or who knows, maybe you just might get over her! Anything is possible.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Thanks. Ironic you say that. On Monday when I got the bad news, it just happened to get cold and overcast. It matched how the news made me feel inside. Everytime there is bad news regarding our relationship it's preceeded by bad weather. A sign from God, I suppose.
YouGotServed Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 I feel for you, especially if your in the O.C. My ex ended it with me 5 weeks ago and she lives in the O.C. Must be the air and water down there. She is Keep her head up and you can read about my posting at "My ex just left me because of different feelings". Continue to do the NC because that is what is helping me get on with my life. Its so funny that her mom is close to you because my ex's mom is close to me too. I know its hard but keep that head up and smile.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by YouGotServed I feel for you, especially if your in the O.C. My ex ended it with me 5 weeks ago and she lives in the O.C. Must be the air and water down there. She is Keep her head up and you can read about my posting at "My ex just left me because of different feelings". Continue to do the NC because that is what is helping me get on with my life. Its so funny that her mom is close to you because my ex's mom is close to me too. I know its hard but keep that head up and smile. Thanks. I am doing my best. In my case, I think I've done all I can do. Her heart is not into a relationship. She has a one track mind with school and rather than seeing me as someone who can help her achieve her goal, she sees me as being "in the way." Nothing could be further from the truth.
alphamale Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC She has a one track mind with school and rather than seeing me as someone who can help her achieve her goal, she sees me as being "in the way." Nothing could be further from the truth. I don't understand how you could assist her with school. Would you study for her and take tests for her and do her labs? My experience with school was the fewer distractions the better. She knows what is best for herself. Yes, and in addition, COC, this is a classic example of how most women take care of themselves first and others second. They can be very selfish creatures when they want to be and that is why I preach that men should also look out for themselves and their interests first.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale She knows what is best for herself. You obviously don't know her....
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