Girl made herself unavailable, things moved quick and now we're at a crossroads

[matts24]

"You're the best guy i've ever been with. I'm messed up, and if i'm not ready for you, what makes you think I could be with any other guy?"

 

I recently got really close with this girl. She had made herself "Unavailable" since before we met after a bad break up with another guy. I really liked her, and so we started our relationship with me on the backfoot, but acknowledging that I wanted her. Slowly, i became more and more important to her, and it was a relatively quick process in winning her over. For maybe a month now, we have been progressively ramping up our relationship without actually putting a title on it, for example, things like meeting her parents, staying the night at my place, going to parties together and identifying as a "thing".

 

But recently, she had a bad moment where she had a dream about her ex, and it really shook her. We had to take a step back and identify what it meant for me. Initially, we decided that taking a step back wouldn't be the worst thing, something which I did not necessarily agree with, but i obliged. Again, almost instantly however, we got straight back into things, and progressed even quicker.

 

A few weeks forward, she finds herself thinking about her ex again. Last night, we had a serious chat about what this meant, and we decided that a break is in order. I hate the idea of a break because I think it's pointless. If we are literally spending every moment of some days together and genuinely enjoying each others presence, how does stopping that help anything? I acknowledge that she isn't ready for a relationship, but where does that leave me? Do we just go our separate ways? I still want to be in her life, but it feels like a slap in the face to be in the friendzone, as childish as it sounds.

 

She felt so guilty about this, and to have her feel bad about something which she has no control over is something i couldn't live with. I'm not angry at her at all, and all I want is for her to be happy, but I need her in my life. We've grown together, even though it's been super quick, and we're just so close.

 

I'm in need of advice. I want to talk to her, but I should be giving her space. I feel like this is just a knee jerk reaction, and I have no answer to her Ex conundrum. She means so much to me, I'd appreciate all the help I can get.

[DoesntGetIt]

She isn't ready for a relationship, only time will change that.

 

 

If you stay in her life constantly while she works through it, you will more than likely be in the friendzone forever. If you step back and give her space, there is more of a chance that things could be something in the future.

 

 

Either way, your timing is unfortunate and there isn't much you can do.

 

 

 

 

I went through this with a woman not to long ago. She is a coworker. We started talking a bunch, ended up going out for drinks one night, and slept together. After another couple times hanging out (with sex) I asked her what she wanted out of it all. She said she wasn't in a place for a relationship right now (later found out she had been in a very serious one that ended badly a year earlier and she wasn't over it and was now afraid of commitment).

 

 

We agreed to keep it casual, but then she kept making it more serious. Buying breakfast stuff for me since "I'd be spending the night a lot", having me leave stuff there, talking about taking a trip together, giving me keys to her place, etc. All within the span of a little over a month.

 

 

Then one day she pulled back and said she thought it was getting too serious (Despite her being the one to do those things) and we should cool it down. By the end of the day we were back on, and then just like you, a couple weeks later she decided again we needed to cool it off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's nothing you can do there. You have to accept it.

 

 

She kept pushing contact after that time, I pulled away. She pushed more and then we had a thing happen between us one day and she freaked again. Didn't talk for a month and now she's flirting and talking with me again.

 

 

 

 

Pull back, give her space. Don't expect anything out of it again since she has a bunch to work through and just be happily surprised if it turns into more.

[Price2Play]

It may not be true in all cases but typically rebound relationships suck. She's still has feelings for her ex and she's actually doing you a favor. Some people will hide this, you should be greatful that she's honest about now.

 

She may also be feeling guilty because in an essence she is using you to try to get over him. Google codependency. She'e emotionally unavailble and she knows it.........or maybe she wants her ex back?

 

If we are literally spending every moment of some days together and genuinely enjoying each others presence, how does stopping that help anything?

 

This is your perception......it's not hers.

 

I've been in your situation a couple times.........just move on man.

Edited April 25, 2015 by Price2Play

[El Pallasso]

Lol. She's playing you for a chump. She's thinking about her ex and you're nothing but a distraction to her. You have her all the emotional validation and satisfaction of a relationship without her even having to put in any work. She doesn't value you because she literally had to do nothing.

 

She has lost interest and "needing to be in her life" will just lead to hearing about how the new guy she meets f*cks her so good and even c*ms in her mouth.

 

Forget about this girl and move on. Take it as a lesson learned. She will likely contact you in the future when you move on from her to see if she still has her hooks and fangs in you.

[Mjm1014]

You need to punch out fast buddy. She isn't ready for a relationship with you, but it does sound like she has feelings so I wouldn't say it's over. The other posters are right, if you stay in her life as a friend, you're giving into her needs, her attraction for you will plummet, and she will friend zone you without a doubt!!!! I recently went through the EXACT same thing, and when she said she needed a break I told her I understood and I stayed in her life, guess what, I got the friend zone and there is no going back.

 

I would say let her go for a minimum of 1-2 weeks before contacting her at all. If she messages or calls you, act mysterious and act like she's losing her chance with you or has already lost it-even if you're faking it honestly. Lastly, I would think about one more thing. Basically you need to realize you're just an option to her, second if anything. Do you really want to be with a girl that still loves her ex? If her ex ever comes running back-it's bad news man. Good luck-space should do the trick in the meantime.

 

If you need more advice look up Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube. He gives awesome advice and has tons of videos up on this very topic