Author backandforth Posted April 25, 2015 Author Posted April 25, 2015 Thanks for your input everyone! It's been lively! For what it's worth, I've found NC to be a godsend. After my own breakup she insisted we stay in touch (could only do this via whatsapp and skype because we live on opposite sides of the world) and she'd want to communicate every day, just like we'd done every day for a year before I moved over there. There was no hostility in our breakup, just a lot of heartbreak on both sides. As much as I would have loved to talk to her every day, the hurt and sense of loss was too much. NC has helped me return to some sense of normality, and that's why I won't be breaking it any time soon. 30 days today. I miss her every single day.
casey.lives Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 i think it's not just about feelings and the roles and/or the reasons for the break up, it's also about courage. And who possesses it. Sometimes everything can be great but the lack of courage (strength in the face of pain or grief or the unknown) leaves that relationship stalemate. As a dumpee, if i really love someone, i would make contact.
Author backandforth Posted April 26, 2015 Author Posted April 26, 2015 i think it's not just about feelings and the roles and/or the reasons for the break up, it's also about courage. And who possesses it. Sometimes everything can be great but the lack of courage (strength in the face of pain or grief or the unknown) leaves that relationship stalemate. As a dumpee, if i really love someone, i would make contact. Have you ever done that? I think it puts a reconciliation on an unequal footing. As a dumpee, I'd really need to be reached out to with a strong and genuine expression of remorse and, of course, love. In my case, that's not going to happen so I refuse to line myself up for more rejection. Best to focus on the future.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Have you ever done that? I think it puts a reconciliation on an unequal footing. As a dumpee, I'd really need to be reached out to with a strong and genuine expression of remorse and, of course, love. In my case, that's not going to happen so I refuse to line myself up for more rejection. Best to focus on the future. Yeah, saying a dumpee that doesn't reach out isn't courageous isn't something I agree with at all. Unless it's a forced dumping, the dumper needs to be doing the vast majority of the legwork. It's unfair to dump someone and expect them to be the ones chasing you.
Itspointless Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 i think it's not just about feelings and the roles and/or the reasons for the break up, it's also about courage. And who possesses it. Sometimes everything can be great but the lack of courage (strength in the face of pain or grief or the unknown) leaves that relationship stalemate. As a dumpee, if i really love someone, i would make contact. It depends entirely on the relationship and break-up if it is courageous to do so or not. Sometimes people love the other too much to contact them.
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