preraph Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 I am over 40, and I don't want kids; it's too late for me, for different reasons. The whole look thing I am not worried about. I have a life that I really enjoy. As for my goals, he knows I am looking for something serious, and not for a fling. We did talk about it. It's not like I don't want to get married. I just wish he'd "chill" a little, for lack of better word. The red flag with him being so pushy so soon is that I'd be very surprised if he wasn't a control freak of some type, who will try to lock you down. I certainly could be wrong, but just be alert for him being hypervigilant wanting to know what you're doing all the time -- and don't let him get even started doing that. 1
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Elle, other than announcing he could see y'all moving in together in a few months, which "may* have been said in jest, what *else* is he doing that causes you to think he is moving too fast? Is he blowing up your phone, texting, calling? Wanting to see you too much..too soon? Does he talk about your meeting his family and/or wanting to meet yours? If all you've got is that one passing comment, then IMO you are way overreacting. People often make *dumb* comments without thinking about what it even means, or how it's being interpreted by the other. Obviously he likes you and is excited about the opportunity of getting to know you and seeing where it will lead. In the heat of the moment, and in excitement of meeting you, he got ahead of himself for a minute and made a dumb comment. Unless he is coming on too fast in other ways, like calling/texting too often, wanting to see you too often, etc, try not to read too much into it. He probably feels like an idiot now for saying it! By the way, when is your next date? Your third date, correct?
frankiesaysrelax Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 The red flag with him being so pushy so soon is that I'd be very surprised if he wasn't a control freak of some type I'd be surprised if you were not some type of control freak.
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 The red flag with him being so pushy so soon is that I'd be very surprised if he wasn't a control freak of some type, who will try to lock you down. I certainly could be wrong, but just be alert for him being hypervigilant wanting to know what you're doing all the time -- and don't let him get even started doing that. What is he "pushing" her about? He made ONE dumb comment! What am I missing? Someone, please enlighten me!
Author Elle1975 Posted April 25, 2015 Author Posted April 25, 2015 Katie, I thought about that too. We all have said things we regretted saying later. I know I have.. the excitment of something new, and a good date (which we did have). I understand that there is such thing as being too guarded, or too independent. I like hearing everybody's opinions, thats what makes this forum a good place - beside the mean spirited comments disguised as advice, but they get ignored. He doesn't blow up my phone, neither do I his. Maybe he realized he went a bit fast indeed. Someone said he wasn't able to keep a relationship long term, but I find it a bit unfair to blame the victim of cheating. As for his last relationship, shed drink too much and refused to stop. Cant blame him really. I have done a lot of work on myself. Im not perfect, who is? But I finally am in a good place. I do have room in my heart for someone else. Hey might simply be that I can tell he's not the one, or that I am too guarded. Time will tell. However I have read too many posts that discussed the lack of communication to just break things off without any explanations. Thatd be a crappy thing to do.. Ill go on the third date (tomorrow) and I will let you know. 1
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Katie, I thought about that too. We all have said things we regretted saying later. I know I have.. the excitment of something new, and a good date (which we did have). I understand that there is such thing as being too guarded, or too independent. I like hearing everybody's opinions, thats what makes this forum a good place - beside the mean spirited comments disguised as advice, but they get ignored. He doesn't blow up my phone, neither do I his. Maybe he realized he went a bit fast indeed. Someone said he wasn't able to keep a relationship long term, but I find it a bit unfair to blame the victim of cheating. As for his last relationship, shed drink too much and refused to stop. Cant blame him really. I have done a lot of work on myself. Im not perfect, who is? But I finally am in a good place. I do have room in my heart for someone else. Hey might simply be that I can tell he's not the one, or that I am too guarded. Time will tell. However I have read too many posts that discussed the lack of communication to just break things off without any explanations. Thatd be a crappy thing to do.. Ill go on the third date (tomorrow) and I will let you know. One day (date) at a time. Try not to overthink. Pay attention to ACTIONS! Since he is NOT calling too often, or pushing for too many dates too soon, try and relax. Don't overanalyze one dumb comment....which he is probably kicking himself for saying! Have fun tomorrow and keep us posted! 1
Diezel Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 He probably got a little too overzealous and excited about everything. Honestly, just talk to him. Just tell him that you like to take things slow and that you think it's sweet that he is thinking all about that, but it's only moving on to a third date. Sometimes, as guys, we'll say things that we think women might want to hear, so that they take us a little more seriously and think we aren't out just for the poonani factor. It's nothing that a conversation couldn't help clear up. 1
guest569 Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 If he wasn't thinking about a future, those words wouldn't have come out of his mouth. What he said wasn't a slip up. Maybe he didn't mean to express this in words, but it's probably a good thing that he has because that is where he is at. And it doesn't match. So dismissing it is unwise. I think what you are doing is right, discuss it with him and see how it goes on date 3. Find out if he is happy to let things progress naturally, or will he continue to apply pressure.
RuKiddingme Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Us guys just have a tendency to get a little excited. Finding a good girl is hard so when we think we got one, we try to hold on to it. Dude was probably just excited over you and I think anyone claiming he could be controlling are over analyzing the comment. Just talk to him and calm him down a bit.
Author Elle1975 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 So today's date went well. I liked that he introduced me to all his friends. I get along with them, which is good. I did say I wanted to take things "step by step", and he said he wanted to wait before getting intimate with me because he "likes me a lot and respects me", which is a big + for me. I am not freaking out as much as I was. I think he's a keeper. Time will tell.
katiegrl Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 So today's date went well. I liked that he introduced me to all his friends. I get along with them, which is good. I did say I wanted to take things "step by step", and he said he wanted to wait before getting intimate with me because he "likes me a lot and respects me", which is a big + for me. I am not freaking out as much as I was. I think he's a keeper. Time will tell. See? Told ya! :bunny: That's awesome though... have fun!
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