Lostrabbit Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 After a very traumatic break up in December I met a guy through a mutal friend in feb. We really hit it off and were inseparable- (saw each other everyday for 9weeks) it was mutal in wanting to be together attention and communication although he was more intense on future plans and told me he was falling for me after 2 and a half weeks. Everything was great after that too until some ongoing issues about his house (still owned with his ex) had to be dealt with he was struggling with the though of losing his home and what he was going to do and he was a bit down and began to withdraw. I tried to just be supportive for a couple of weeks but I I stupidly let my insecurities get the better of me and made it about me I pushed him for answers and reassurance although he had told me it was not about me. When I was having a particarily bad day and was a bit drunk he blew me off and told me he couldn't see me that night as he was going out of town the next day last minute and not even a kiss on the text. I overreacted and said I got what he was trying to say and would collect my stuff the next day. I did see him that night and we ended up talking he said he just wasn't ready for a relationship and needed to be on his own for a while. I didn't argue but told him I though it was a shame and he said so too as he really wanted it to work. I text him two days later just a general and to express regret at our last conversation being whilst both drunk and asked if we could talk sober over a coffee sometime. No response. I haven't contact him since. My question is now that I see how I helped push him away and realise that I had a PART in its demise should I try to communicate this to him and see if we can start over and just date and get to know each other with the assurance of less pressure- i don't think I ever found anybody else that I connected with so quickly and I don't want to lose him if I can avoid it. I'm not sat crying and I know he has to want it too but I do miss him a lot and think about him all the time and just want to clarify that I'm not some needy clingy nut job but a nice person who cares about him would like. Future and got it wrong. It may be kill or cure but not knowing is driving me mad! If I was to contact how should I- text letter email, I'd like to have the conversation in person but unless I turn up on his door step I don't know how to do that and without telling him this he might not see where I'm coming from and think I'm trying to just pick up where we left off- I'm not I want to start again and go slow for both of us. Hmmm head is buzzing help!
AlwaysAKL Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Bottom line is he isn't ready for a relationship. Don't contact him, let him contact you if he wants anything more. I recently went through a break up of my own due to him not being ready. It hurts but you can't change it. 2
Ruby65 Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 I don't think you really played a part in the breakup, it sounds like he was ready to end it and you gave him the opportunity he was already looking for. It sounds to me like this was a rebound relationship. Please don't blame yourself for what happened -- but next time, be wary of someone who jumps in very quickly emotionally -- because they're often just as quick to jump out. If I was to contact how should I- text letter email, I'd like to have the conversation in person but unless I turn up on his door step I don't know how to do that and without telling him this he might not see where I'm coming from and think I'm trying to just pick up where we left off- I'm not I want to start again and go slow for both of us. Hmmm head is buzzing help! ^ All of these are terrible ideas. Imagine if you were fired from a job.... and you were trying to figure out what was the best way to show up at the office and ask your boss for another chance? No. Just don't do it. You'll only push him farther away -- and make yourself feel even worse than you do right now. Contact = Pain No Contact = Healing Stay strong! Keep moving forward, work towards acceptance. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Two broken people still reeling from their own traumatic break ups clung to each other for a short time for comfort. Neither of you was in a healthy enough place to start a new relationship. Just leave it be. There is nothing to rehash.
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