frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 My ex and I decided to get back together but we both had to dump other people in the process. We agreed mutually to do this. Right after she apparently broke up with the other guy, she ignored me. I asked "wtf is your problem" and asked for "space" but said it's not a breakup or rejection - she said she just needs time to work things out. I simply replied with "okay" and didn't say another word or call or text since. Keep in mind we are both religious. So, it's been about 2 weeks and yesterday my sister had a really bad accident and broke her spine in 3 places. I texted my ex today saying "I hope you're doing well. I know you want your distance and I'm not trying to intrude but my sister had a fall and broke 3 vertebrae in her spine yesterday. If you or anyone you know can keep her in mind this weekend when praying, It would really mean a lot to me. Thank You! Have a great sabbath! Was this a mistake / bad idea? She doesn't know my sister too personally but knows who she is given we are from the same neighborhood. My intentions were honest. I need prayers for my sister. Did I make it look like I was using that an as excuse to get attention? She didn't respond and it's been a couple of hours so I'm pretty sure this pushed her even further away.
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 If she knows you well enough she wouldn't look at it as a ploy for her attention.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 It was a mistake to convey the info about your sister through text. That's a jarring way to receive bad news. Yes, btw it does look like you are using your sister's accident to manipulate her into talking you. I believe you in this thread & your other one when you said that your EX's prayers will be meaningful to you, but it doesn't look that way. It looks manipulative.
Redhead14 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) My ex and I decided to get back together but we both had to dump other people in the process. We agreed mutually to do this. Right after she apparently broke up with the other guy, she ignored me. I asked "wtf is your problem" and asked for "space" but said it's not a breakup or rejection - she said she just needs time to work things out. I simply replied with "okay" and didn't say another word or call or text since. Keep in mind we are both religious. So, it's been about 2 weeks and yesterday my sister had a really bad accident and broke her spine in 3 places. I texted my ex today saying "I hope you're doing well. I know you want your distance and I'm not trying to intrude but my sister had a fall and broke 3 vertebrae in her spine yesterday. If you or anyone you know can keep her in mind this weekend when praying, It would really mean a lot to me. Thank You! Have a great sabbath! Was this a mistake / bad idea? She doesn't know my sister too personally but knows who she is given we are from the same neighborhood. My intentions were honest. I need prayers for my sister. Did I make it look like I was using that an as excuse to get attention? She didn't respond and it's been a couple of hours so I'm pretty sure this pushed her even further away. "wtf is your problem" -- that's a really nice way to start to talk to a girl with whom you are trying to "renew" a relationship . . . If I dumped someone to go back to my old boyfriend and he started talking to me that way, I'd ask for some space too in order to re-think why I dumped the other one to go back. I'm sorry, but there is never an excuse to talk to someone like that. Not only that, she did break up with someone to go back to you. It must be difficult and confusing for her, she'd need space anyway. But talking to her that way made it really clear for her. And, when someone asks for space, you give it to them and you wait for them to get back in touch with you Period. Edited April 24, 2015 by Redhead14 2
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 It was a mistake to convey the info about your sister through text. That's a jarring way to receive bad news. Yes, btw it does look like you are using your sister's accident to manipulate her into talking you. I believe you in this thread & your other one when you said that your EX's prayers will be meaningful to you, but it doesn't look that way. It looks manipulative. Thanks. I see it can come off that way. She actually did just respond and was very nice about it asking how she can help and saying she's glad I let her know. I just replied with a simple "Thank you. Much appreciated" 2
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) "wtf is your problem" -- that's a really nice way to start to talk to a girl with whom you are trying to "renew" a relationship Okay, here is the thing. Women can be very controlling and manipulative sometimes. From a man's perspective, it is important for me to be able to lay down the law and make it clear that if you need something like space, you speak up and say it like an adult. Ignoring is what a child does - not an adult. It is NOT acceptable to go from saying you love and are dedicated to someone to ignoring them. That type of stuff gets a "WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM" response - not a "sorry. I'll go hide now. Come find me when you count to 10" Edited April 24, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax
fitnessfan365 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Okay, here is the thing. Women can be very controlling and manipulative sometimes. From a man's perspective, it is important for me to be able to lay down the law and make it clear that if you need something like space, you speak up and say it like an adult. Ignoring is what a child does - not an adult. It is NOT acceptable to go from saying you love and are dedicated to someone to ignoring them. That type of stuff gets a "WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM" response - not a "sorry. I'll go hide now. Come find me when you count to 10" Actually you just come off like an insecure control freak with that attitude. Plus when you show a loss of emotional control like you did, it shows that you're letting yourself be manipulated if you think that's what she is doing. Granted, it's important to have a backbone, and gently lead. Still though, you do it by trying to be respectful, stating your opinions, and being playful to call a woman out on her crap in a fun harmless way. That is how you show that you're not a push over. Instead of saying "WTF is your problem" You could say something like "You know baby, playing hard to get is only fun when you're first dating. ;-P" That way you get your point across, but you don't come off like a complete a-hole. Just saying.. 2
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) Actually you just come off like an insecure control freak with that attitude. Plus when you show a loss of emotional control like you did, it shows that you're letting yourself be manipulated if you think that's what she is doing. Granted, it's important to have a backbone, and gently lead. Still though, you do it by trying to be respectful, stating your opinions, and being playful to call a woman out on her crap in a fun harmless way. That is how you show that you're not a push over. Instead of saying "WTF is your problem" You could say something like "You know baby, playing hard to get is only fun when you're first dating. ;-P" That way you get your point across, but you don't come off like a complete a-hole. Just saying.. In my experience, being playful about it has the opposite of the desired effect. That's what shows you are allowing yourself to be pushed over and that you will go out of your way and jeopardize your dignity just not to offend them. With me, I prefer the method of you're either in or you're out. I've had best success with that with past GFs coming back when the law is laid down and when you simply state that **** is unacceptable. It's better to have the woman say she wants out than to be her b*tch and let her be in control of the terms of the relationship - especially things like communication. You give a woman the determining decision on when things get spoken and soon enough she decides what is spoken and what isn't. That type of language has been more effective for me. Maybe for others it's different. Whether the woman wants to stay or go is her decision. The terms of the relationship have to stay with me even if it means jeopardizing the relationship. This is especially true if the woman is going after MY LAST NAME. It's not like I'm going after hers. My house, my cars, my money = my terms. Edited April 24, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax
fitnessfan365 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) In my experience, being playful about it has the opposite of the desired effect. That's what shows you are allowing yourself to be pushed over and that you will go out of your way and jeopardize your dignity just not to offend them. With me, I prefer the method of you're either in or you're out. I've had best success with that with past GFs coming back when the law is laid down and when you simply state that **** is unacceptable. It's better to have the woman say she wants out than to be her b*tch and let her be in control of the terms of the relationship - especially things like communication. You give a woman the determining decision on when things get spoken and soon enough she decides what is spoken and what isn't. That type of language has been more effective for me. Maybe for others it's different. Whether the woman wants to stay or go is her decision. The terms of the relationship have to stay with me even if it means jeopardizing the relationship. This is especially true if the woman is going after MY LAST NAME. It's not like I'm going after hers. My house, my cars, my money = my terms. 1) Notice the irony of you claiming to be successful when you're referring to PAST relationships. 2) A true Alpha male doesn't let a woman's actions diminish him or shake his emotional center. 3) Once again, you come off as insecure and like a major control freak. As I said, I'm all for being the man, gently leading and not being a push over. But remember, a woman that you're involved with is not someone you're trying to have power over. She's a person that you're supposed to care about. So instead of acting so rigid, and so power hungry, keep things playful, tease her to let her realize how she's acting, and then punish her properly in the bedroom with a few good spankings. Edited April 24, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) 1) Notice the irony of you claiming to be successful when you're referring to PAST relationships. 2) A true Alpha male doesn't let a woman's actions diminish him or shake his emotional center. 3) Once again, you come off as insecure and like a major control freak. As I said, I'm all for being the man, gently leading and not being a push over. But remember, a woman that you're involved with is not someone you're trying to have power over. She's a person that you're supposed to care about. So instead of acting so rigid, and so power hungry, keep things playful, tease her to let her realize how she's acting, and then punish her properly in the bedroom with a few good spankings. LOL are you the sole provider for any family? Only one person wears the pants in my house. You can call it insecure or controlling or whatever you want but at the end of the day, that's the law and I lay down the law - not the woman. You can be the the "gentle giant". I'll be the realistic one with concrete rules. You want to live in MY multi million dollar home? You want to drive MY sports car? You want MY diamonds? You want MY children? Then you live by my rules. It's clearer if I put it this way - My job is not to make a woman happy. That's up to her. I can only give her my expectations and demand obedience to them. If that's not the type of man she's looking for, she'll find someone like you who will let her get her way - even if she is disrespecting you. Disrespect is returned with disrespect, not with "come on baby". The difference may be that I know what I am bringing to the table and unless the woman inherited millions, it's not equal to what I am bringing and that has to be understood. Edited April 24, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 LOL you obviously aren't the prime provider for any family. Only one person wears the pants. You can call it insecure or controlling or whatever you want but at the end of the day, that's the law and I lay down the law - not the woman. You can be the the "gentle giant". I'll be the realistic one with concrete rules. You want to live in MY multi million dollar home? You want to drive MY sports car? You want MY diamonds? You want MY children? Then you live by my rules. It's clearer if I put it this way - My job is not to make a woman happy. That's up to her. I can only give her my expectations and demand obedience. If that's not the type of man she's looking for, she'll find someone like you. Holy crap! No wonder this woman won't talk to you. Your rules? Do you want a pet or a partner? You say you are religious. . . then you better go back & read your Bible. It's not about subjugating another person, especially your wife. I can buy my own home, diamonds, sports car, etc. Hell I can even go to a sperm bank & get pregnant all without the help of some guy. I'm done helping you. I will stand by my early promise to pray for your sister but now I'm going to add to my prayers that you are the only person in her life that has such misogynistic thoughts. 6
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 And, when someone asks for space, you give it to them and you wait for them to get back in touch with you Period. That's what I did this time, which was a mistake in hindsight. I should have listened to the advice from the men I'm around and told her there's plenty of space out the door. You're either in it or out of it - end of story.
Jessie1231 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 LOL are you the sole provider for any family? Only one person wears the pants in my house. You can call it insecure or controlling or whatever you want but at the end of the day, that's the law and I lay down the law - not the woman. You can be the the "gentle giant". I'll be the realistic one with concrete rules. You want to live in MY multi million dollar home? You want to drive MY sports car? You want MY diamonds? You want MY children? Then you live by my rules. It's clearer if I put it this way - My job is not to make a woman happy. That's up to her. I can only give her my expectations and demand obedience to them. If that's not the type of man she's looking for, she'll find someone like you who will let her get her way - even if she is disrespecting you. Disrespect is returned with disrespect, not with "come on baby". The difference may be that I know what I am bringing to the table and unless the woman inherited millions, it's not equal to what I am bringing and that has to be understood. The more you post, the more I sincerely hope that your ex girlfriend has come to her senses and moved on for good and that's why you're not hearing from her. Maybe she just didn't like your rules, or maybe like most women didn't like the fact that you have to lay down whatever law you've come up with. Please leave the poor girl alone. It seems obvious she's finished with you. Don't use excuses like asking for prayers to contact her. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 LOL are you the sole provider for any family? Only one person wears the pants in my house. You can call it insecure or controlling or whatever you want but at the end of the day, that's the law and I lay down the law - not the woman. You can be the the "gentle giant". I'll be the realistic one with concrete rules. You want to live in MY multi million dollar home? You want to drive MY sports car? You want MY diamonds? You want MY children? Then you live by my rules. It's clearer if I put it this way - My job is not to make a woman happy. That's up to her. I can only give her my expectations and demand obedience to them. If that's not the type of man she's looking for, she'll find someone like you who will let her get her way - even if she is disrespecting you. Disrespect is returned with disrespect, not with "come on baby". The difference may be that I know what I am bringing to the table and unless the woman inherited millions, it's not equal to what I am bringing and that has to be understood. With how obsessed you are with control, it sounds like you're over compensating for things. As I've said many times on this board I'm all for more traditional gender roles when it comes to dating and romance. But in a relationship, a woman is still a person, that you're supposed to care about. Like d0nnivain said, get a pet if that's you main goal.
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 When they ask for space it's is a cowards way of breaking up.....it's distance to make sure you are far enough away when they break the news to you.
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 OK. The women on here clearly do not understand men. All the butt hurt makes it so clear. You want a "alpha male" but hate the idea of a male who lives by his own rules I suggest you lookup what men are really thinking - This is a good start -
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 When they ask for space it's is a cowards way of breaking up.....it's distance to make sure you are far enough away when they break the news to you. I've heard the term before. They've always come back. The trick is as soon as they say they want space, you say you are done with em. That's what I didn't do this time that is causing me all the hesitation and doubt.
Jessie1231 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 OK. The women on here clearly do not understand men. All the butt hurt makes it so clear. You want a "alpha male" but hate the idea of a male who lives by his own rules I suggest you lookup what men are really thinking - This is a good start - I don't pretend to know what all men think or want, but I do know that thankfully most men do not think like you. What century do you live in? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Once again man. You're confusing being an Alpha male with being a control freak. They're two different things. Just like a submissive woman is not a Stepford. She has independence and her own opinions. Wants to be treated with respect by her man. However, the reason why she trusts his strength for him to lead, is because he has her best interests at heart. It's because of how well we knows her, and the intimacy that's developed because of that. It isn't simply about controlling her. If you're with a woman and genuinely care about her, you're not supposed to diminish her or make her feel like she's beneath you. Do I wear the pants with women I date? Absolutely. But I still treat them like human beings. 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Once again man. You're confusing being an Alpha male with being a control freak. They're two different things. Just like a submissive woman is not a Stepford. She has independence and her own opinions. Wants to be treated with respect by her man. However, the reason why she trusts his strength for him to lead, is because he has her best interests at heart. It's because of how well we knows her, and the intimacy that's developed because of that. It isn't simply about controlling her. If you're with a woman and genuinely care about her, you're not supposed to diminish her or make her feel like she's beneath you. Do I wear the pants with women I date? Absolutely. But I still treat them like human beings. I was almost with you until I read the next to last sentence of your post; which was a bit disappointing to read. NO ONE should "wear the pants" in a relationship or in a "dating-ship". When I'm dating a guy, there's NO fkn way HE'S going to "wear the pants" and dictate how everything's going to go and attempt to coax me into being 'submissive' and to 'trust him to "lead"...' I guess it's just the way you either word what you're thoughts are, or it's the way you really ARE, and the way you word it is exactly the way you think (and operate) and the way you feel towards women you date. No disrespect is meant towards you by what I've written about what I think your intent is, okay? It's just sometimes, reading your posts confuses me. Sometimes, I think you're an okay guy...and then you write things like this that makes me think otherwise. I know you don't give dos mierdas about what I think, and that's just as well. But, wow. In a relationship or in a dating situation - NO ONE "wears the pants" - BOTH the man and the woman are EQUALS, and should be RESPECTED and TREATED as such, imo. . 3
todreaminblue Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 to be a true leader you dont walk in front of people and treat others like subservients.....to be a true alpha you are right beside them ...every step of the way...listening....understanding and compromising to make a team effort a success.....being in a relationship is a team effort ......i know that as fact...you dont get people to follow you by saying follow me..you aint god......you get them to come with you by saying come walk with me..... a female partner is an integral part of a relationship and you have to respect your other half...(notice i said other half...the terminology is just and true......) to have an opinion and thoughts and dreams and wishes of her own...and some times respect she might have an answer or two of her own....if you dont recognise that....your relationships will suck in all your totalitarian style...try to see what other women have pointed out to you.....its not about being butt hurt...your opinion doesnt affect me.....or the other women posting in this thread.....but it is a reason why you are failing and women.....do so like to help a failing man.....read your bible closely......concentrate on areas where god says that women need to be respected and treated like jewels that they are......and what happens to men that make women cry.......every tear is counted.....before you bluster on about rules and regulations.....using profanity and or abusive verbal or otherwise.... too...is actually not on.........good luck....deb 1
Gaeta Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Wow, I am speechless !! What else can I add. In a pack of dogs the alpha male never barks. He leads with his charisma, confidence and energy. His presence and demeanor inspire respect. A leader does not need to bark, barking is for the weak, the ones that try to pretend they are powerful when in reality they're filled of insecurities and have no clue what they are doing. The proof you are weak? You are on here asking about a text. Yes, You the big caveman you think you are, is online asking if sending a text was the right thing to do. Does that sound all powerful or insecure? Like the second in rank dogs you have no clue what you are doing. 5
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) The proof you are weak? You are on here asking about a text. Yes, You the big caveman you think you are, is online asking if sending a text was the right thing to do. Does that sound all powerful or insecure? Like the second in rank dogs you have no clue what you are doing. From how I see it, women WANT is TO BELIEVE that a real man sits there and takes your sh*t because he is your "partner" and "respects" you. In reality, that is about the woman demanding control over the terms of the arraignment which basically makes the man a b*tch. The text is surrounding my sister's freak accident which has almost left her paralyzed and about reaching out to people who live in my neighborhood (and who I grew up in school with) for prayers and to spread the word in the church. The response I got back showed dignity and class and shortly after, and an apology for behaving like a 3 year old. Once again, the women here prove not to understand a thing about men. They even don't seem to understand their own motivations. Their advice to men wouldn't even work on them LOL. When you are asking for HIS LAST NAME and for half of his life's work, both must be submissive and obedient. The way the man shows obedience is by bringing home the bacon day after day and providing a good quality life where nothing is missing. A woman needs to return that obedience in the form of submission. If that's not the type of man you want, what you are looking for is someone who is submissive to you - not someone who are you submissive to. In other words, you want to be in control of the relationship (at your will) instead of having fundamental ground rules that are the law of the land. The woman does not get the "final word". That belongs to the man of the household. If you, as a woman, expect a man to provide you with a ring, a house, a car, money to go shopping with, etc., you NEED to be obedient to him. He is showing his obedience by providing you with half of what he worked for your whole life. If you are in that situation and decide you feel like not paying any attention to him or you want to change the arraignment unilaterally, YOU are the one who is insecure. Demanding the ability to tuck your tail between your legs and hide is not indicative of a secure person. It is indicative of a coward who doesn't even trust themselves and their own commitments. Edited April 24, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax
Jessie1231 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 From how I see it, women WANT is TO BELIEVE that a real man sits there and takes your sh*t because he is your "partner" and "respects" you. In reality, that is about the woman demanding control over the terms of the arraignment which basically makes the man a b*tch. The text is surrounding my sister's freak accident which has almost left her paralyzed and about reaching out to people who live in my neighborhood (and who I grew up in school with) for prayers and to spread the word in the church. The response I got back showed dignity and class and shortly after, and an apology for behaving like a 3 year old. Once again, the women here prove not to understand a thing about men. They even don't seem to understand their own motivations. Their advice to men wouldn't even work on them LOL. When you are asking for HIS LAST NAME and for half of his life's work, both must be submissive and obedient. The way the man shows obedience is by bringing home the bacon day after day and providing a good quality life where nothing is missing. A woman needs to return that obedience in the form of submission. If that's not the type of man you want, what you are looking for is someone who is submissive to you - not someone who are you submissive to. In other words, you want to be in control of the relationship (at your will) instead of having fundamental ground rules that are the law of the land. The woman does not get the "final word". That belongs to the man of the household. If you, as a woman, expect a man to provide you with a ring, a house, a car, money to go shopping with, etc., you NEED to be obedient to him. He is showing his obedience by providing you with half of what he worked for your whole life. If you are in that situation and decide you feel like not paying any attention to him or you want to change the arraignment unilaterally, YOU are the one who is insecure. You do understand that women are allowed to work and support themselves now right? We can also vote, drive cars, be president, serve in the military... Once you arrive in 2015, I think you'll find it is much different than wherever you are currently living. 2
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 25, 2015 Author Posted April 25, 2015 (edited) You do understand that women are allowed to work and support themselves now right? We can also vote, drive cars, be president, serve in the military... Once you arrive in 2015, I think you'll find it is much different than wherever you are currently living. You also divorce at never-before-heard-of rates because of that mentality. You being able to work and drive a car and vote doesn't mean you now get 100% full say over terms of a relationship or control the communications therein. Just because you can do it, doesn't mean you will either. There is a mighty big difference between "I can support myself if I wanted to" and "I've already brought all that to the table". You need to learn to understand that. For every one woman who wants to be independent from their partner, there are 10 who are dependent and that will never change as long as there are well-to-do men around. Especially if you are pushing 30 or above and your looks are fading quick. You should see this discussion to understand where both sides are coming from - Edited April 25, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax
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